Wednesday One-Liners for Bernardo and the Sharks

Chica on cell: He was just white. Like, a white guy. Except Puerto Rican.

–Park Terrace West, Inwood

Overheard by: Gringo Starr

Puerto Rican thug to another, both wearing Puerto Rican flag bandanas as face masks: White people better get used to us. There be like 80 billion of us in the world… Or maybe 8 thousand of us…at least.

–F Train

Overheard by: Brent

Teen on cell: Wait, you're in Puerto Rico? I'll be right there, that's by Chinatown, right? What do you mean it's an island? Like Staten Island? How the fuck did you get there?

–Colombus Circle

Overheard by: Graham Davis

JAP on phone: He called me a clingy JAP! How fucking low! I could've easily pulled the "you're-a-Puerto-Rican-from-Staten-Island" card.

–92nd & 5th

Guy (shouting): Hey guys! You like Puerto Ricans?!

–Times Square

Overheard by: CytoFox

Dad on scooter with eight-year-old girl: I don't want to hear that… Don't fuckin' push me, Joanna! You are not black, you are Puerto Rican!

–Flatbush & Fulton

Overheard by: Chelsea

Posted on November 30, 2014
All Wednesday One-Liners, Brooklyn, Central Park, Compare/Contrast, Dads, Girls, Global Geography, Guys, Insults, JAPs, Latinos, NYC Geography, On Cell, On the Subway, Questions, Race, Stupidity, Teens, Thugs, Times Square, Washington Heights and Inwood

Wednesday One-Liners Adjust Their Tiaras

JAP, reflecting: I think I might be a drug dealer.

–Spot’s Café

JAP: Yeah! I went to Israel this summer! And they all looked at me like I was an idiot! They don’t have Uggs there… They don’t have burgers… They don’t have loosies!

–Hunter College

Jappy teen: I’ve never done anything for society and I’ve done just fine.

–University & 12th

JAP: Bitch, "Jewish" is a religion!

–17th & 6th

NYU JAP: I told my dad that I couldn’t go to the scholarship fair because I had to get my nails done, and I think we’re still in a fight!

–Goddard Hall, NYU Dorm

Overheard by: Maya G.

Jappy girl to friend: [Sighs.] I’m losing faith in humanity, one orgasm at a time.

–1 Train

Overheard by: Ponine

Posted on November 27, 2014
All Wednesday One-Liners, Assholes, Compare/Contrast, Crime and Punishment, Drugs, Food, Friends, Girls, Global Geography, Hunter, JAPs, Jobs & Careers, Judaism, Murray Hill and Gramercy, On the Subway, Orgasm, Parents, Restaurants & Cafes, Stupidity, The Village, Travel, Washington Square Park, Weirdness, Words

No Shit

Emo: Do you do anal?
JAP fox: Uh, no, but it doesn't mean I wouldn't do it, just hasn't come up yet.
Emo to another girl: Do you do anal?
Another girl: Bitch! I can't even take a shit.

–Special Boutique, 2nd & Bedford

Overheard by: Este

Posted on November 21, 2014
Backdoor, Girls, Insults, JAPs, Poop, Questions, Store, Teens, The Village

Another Doomed Hipster-Princess Love Affair

JAP: So he, like, lives in Brooklyn. On purpose.
Three friends: Ewww…

–LIRR

Posted on November 16, 2014
JAPs, NYC Geography, Trains Not Subway

It’s Taking Him Forever to Learn His Haftarah

Jappy highschool queen bee to Starbucks guy wearing earrings: Are those real diamonds?
Twentysomething African-American Starbucks guy: No.
Jappy highschool queen bee: Awwww I’ll mail you some real ones for your Bar Mitzvah, okay?

–Stabrucks, 78th & Lex

Posted on September 18, 2014
Fashion, Fast Times at New York High, JAPs, Jews, Manhattan, Money & Class, Multiculturalism, Overheard Style, Religion, Restaurants & Cafes, Teens, Upper East Side, Venues

Why Fag-Hags Exist.

JAP #1: Oh my god! I have such a crush on this guy, except he's not cute, at all.
JAP #2: So, you like his personality then?
JAP #1: No.
JAP #2: Oh.
JAP #1: He just has a really great fashion sense.

–Cosi, E 8th St

Posted on September 13, 2014
Beauty, Compliments, Default, Fashion, JAPs, Questions, Restaurants & Cafes, The Village

You've Never Been to the Village on a Saturday Night?

JAP #1: It's like seeing a midget in drag.
JAP #2: Oh, I've always wanted to see that.

–35th St & Lexington

Posted on June 6, 2010
Clothing, Compare/Contrast, Height, JAPs, Murray Hill and Gramercy, Physical appearance, Weirdness, Wishes & desires

Dear Rabbi Shmuley…

Shiksa: Is semen kosher for Passover?
Jewish girl: I think so. Sperm don't have hooves.

–23rd St & Lexington

Overheard by: Jason

Posted on April 30, 2010
Cum, JAPs, Judaism, Murray Hill and Gramercy, Questions, Shiksas (& other Gentiles)

Here's Dr. Seuss to Explain

JAP: So, they're opening this new pop-up shop in SoHo…
Asian friend: Why is it when white people open a temporary store it's called a “pop-up shop,” but when any other race does, it's called a “bazaar?”

–Q15 Bus

Posted on April 29, 2010
Asians, Bus, JAPs, News, On the Bus, Questions, Race, Words

“I'm a Wednesday One-Liners, I'm a Lover, I'm a Child, I'm a Mother…”

Young mother to toddler son, about creepy man on train: Don't be like him when you grow up. Guys like him don't get a lotta bitches."

–4 Train

Overheard by: Mollie Reznick

JAP to companion: Gosh, I hate her. She's such a bitch. No, we haven't met before. I don't want to meet her; she's a bitch.

–L Train

Overheard by: high school was so two years ago

Woman leaving voicemail: Don't worry about the page 6 thing. It'll blow over, then we'll bury that bitch!

–Washington Square Park

Overheard by: David G

Gangsta: So then I had my wedding ring melted down and put in my mouth. So every time that bitch saw me smile, she saw my ring.

–A Train

Overheard by: jm

LIRR commuter: And look, I love my daughter to death, but that girl is a *bitch*!

–Penn Station

Overheard by: Andy

Posted on February 24, 2010
Advice, Age/Aging, All Wednesday One-Liners, Body Parts, Death, Fashion, Gangstas, Gripes, Insults, JAPs, Kids, Love, Marriage, Moms, Nicknames & name calling, On the Subway, One-liners, Parents, Parks, Passengers, Penn Station, Relationships, Washington Square Park, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Wishes & desires, Women

JAPs

Here's Dr. Seuss to Explain