National Security

Businesswoman #1: So I had to go in this little booth, and it has these tiny holes that shoot air at you! And I was like “What on earth is this for?” and the security guy said “Oh, it’s so we can get a sense of your aura.” I mean really, they don’t let you get on a plane if your aura is bad?
Businesswoman #2: Wow, I guess so. Airport security is getting really tight these days.
Businesswoman #1: Seriously.

–50th & 7th

Overheard by: Arielle

Girl: Like, my grandmother got stabbed with an ice pick by her brother. And then they were estranged for years. 

–Bobst Library, Washington Square South

Woman on cell: Yeah, the kitty pushes the others around. He’s a real tyrant… Uh‐huh. Guess what she named him: Osama.

–Central Park

Child: Mommy, why do we have to take off our shoes?
Mom: Because that’s the kind of irrational world we live in, where little children have to take off their shoes.

–Security line, LaGuardia Airport

Overheard by: jenya

Woman #1: They confiscated my fluorescent light because they said it was a fire hazard.
Woman #2: Oh yeah?
Woman #1: Yeah…They should have been there when I set my mother on fire.

–Target, Erskine St, Brooklyn

Overheard by: Courtney C.

Guy: God damn it! Where were you? I waited an hour for you to show up! Were you on a coffee break or what?
Bus driver: Sir, that’s not possible, the lead bus was only ten minutes ahead of me. I watched him pull out of the depot.
Guy: Screw you! You guys are the real terrorists! You’re what Homeland Security is trying to protect us against! 

–Staten Island Ferry Terminal, Staten Island

Man in nearly empty train: There’s an unclaimed bag back there on a seat.
Conductor: Huh?
Man: There’s a bag back there that no one is claiming, and I thought you should know.
Conductor: No… I think it must belong to somebody.

–Harlem line, Metro‐North

Overheard by: getting off the next stop

Ghetto chick: What the fuck is with all the cops at this station?
Punk chick: I don’t know.
Ghetto chick: I mean I’m fuckin’ one and all but damn, I still don’t like them.

–6 train

Overheard by: tasha

Mom: Excuse me officer, can you tell me where the Crown Building is located?
Cop: Lady, if the building collapsed you would be crushed.

–57th & 5th

Airport security: Sir, we’ve been informed that you are carrying a firearm aboard this plane.
Suit: WHAT?!
Flight attendant: I overheard him say he was going to disassemble his firearm!
Suit: FLY ROD! Disassemble my FLY ROD!
Flight attendant: Oh. Whoops.

–Jet Blue plane, JFK