National Security

Drunk: They’re, like, Mafia terrorists! …but they’re French.

–Divine Bar West

Overheard by: Megan Buckley

Guy #1: God, I hate the Heebs. How can I join Hezbollah?
Guy #2: Shut the fuck up, man! The government probably heard that!

–4 train, 86th St

Overheard by: waiting for a sniper to take him out

Preacher woman: They say, if you see something, say something — if you see a suspicious package, say something! Well, Hell is a suspicious package!
Commuter: Since it’s about a hundred and forty degrees down here, I’d say this was Hell. Who can I speak to about it?

−−2÷3 station, Fulton St

Overheard by: Karen Maria

TSA guard #1: You’re new here, right?
TSA guard #2: Yeah. I worked at the Gap before, so this is different.


Passenger: There’s something wrong at the UN so I have to go in and fix it.

–F train, Carroll St

Overheard by: confused grad student

Girl #1: Will you stop staring up at the buildings? You look like a terrorist.
Girl #2: Uh…
Girl #1: Tourist. I mean tourist.

–53rd & 6th

Old mom: 911 was 3 years ago, wasn’t it?
Aging daughter: No, 911 happened 5 years ago.
Old mom: Really?
Aging daughter: Yeah… but I wish it was 3 years ago, ’cause that would mean I’d be younger.

–E train

Overheard by: Sierra Smith

Cop #1: When I’m fucking a cunt, I like to hurt it. You like to hurt a cunt when you’re fucking it?
Cop #2: Yeah. What do I give a fuck? It ain’t my cunt.

–Police Plaza

Overheard by: Steve Bookocki

Guy: Did you see that woman? She looked at us like she’d never seen a black man before.

–NYU College of Dentistry elevator, East 24th Street

Dowager: Today was the first day I took a Celebrex since the pogo stick thing.

–Park & 60th

Overheard by: Frank Laser