Man in nearly empty train: There’s an unclaimed bag back there on a seat.
Conductor: Huh?
Man: There’s a bag back there that no one is claiming, and I thought you should know.
Conductor: No… I think it must belong to somebody.
–Harlem line, Metro-North
Overheard by: getting off the next stop
Ghetto chick: What the fuck is with all the cops at this station?
Punk chick: I don’t know.
Ghetto chick: I mean I’m fuckin’ one and all but damn, I still don’t like them.
–6 train
Overheard by: tasha
Mom: Excuse me officer, can you tell me where the Crown Building is located?
Cop: Lady, if the building collapsed you would be crushed.
–57th & 5th
Airport security: Sir, we’ve been informed that you are carrying a firearm aboard this plane.
Suit: WHAT?!
Flight attendant: I overheard him say he was going to disassemble his firearm!
Suit: FLY ROD! Disassemble my FLY ROD!
Flight attendant: Oh. Whoops.
–Jet Blue plane, JFK
Drunk: They’re, like, Mafia terrorists! …but they’re French.
–Divine Bar West
Overheard by: Megan Buckley
Guy #1: God, I hate the Heebs. How can I join Hezbollah?
Guy #2: Shut the fuck up, man! The government probably heard that!
–4 train, 86th St
Overheard by: waiting for a sniper to take him out
Preacher woman: They say, if you see something, say something — if you see a suspicious package, say something! Well, Hell is a suspicious package!
Commuter: Since it’s about a hundred and forty degrees down here, I’d say this was Hell. Who can I speak to about it?
–2/3 station, Fulton St
Overheard by: Karen Maria
TSA guard #1: You’re new here, right?
TSA guard #2: Yeah. I worked at the Gap before, so this is different.
–JFK
Passenger: There’s something wrong at the UN so I have to go in and fix it.
–F train, Carroll St
Overheard by: confused grad student
Girl #1: Will you stop staring up at the buildings? You look like a terrorist.
Girl #2: Uh…
Girl #1: Tourist. I mean tourist.
–53rd & 6th
