Guy #1: Holy friggin’ crap dude, do you see the size of that guy over there?
Guy #2: Yeah. You see what he’s eating?
Guy #1: What is that, a salad?
Guy #2: Yeah.
Guy #1: Well hats off to him for at least trying to eat like a normal person.
Guy #2: Are you kidding? Hats off to the goddamn stoolmaker.
–Village Lantern, Bleecker Street
Overheard by: Douglas
Man #1: He’s put on some weight. I don’t remember him being that fat in The Last Five Years.
Man #2: Well, having two kids’ll do that to you.
–Imperial Theatre, West 45th Street
Nurse lady #1: Who do you think is going to OD first?
Nurse lady #2: Mary-Kate.
Nurse lady #1: Yeah, I know.
–Memorial Sloan-Kettering hospital, E. 68th Street
Overheard by: Phenders
Chick #1: What’s the deal with Mimi, anyway? She’s been pregnant for a while.
Chick #2: I know. I’m beginning to think she’s just fat.
–Mimi Maternity, 87th & Broadway
Overheard by: Djlindee
Girl #1: She looks so good now, though!
Girl #2: Yeah, well, if she would keep a meal down once in a while she might not…
–9th Avenue & Little West 12th Street
Overheard by: Wyatt Neumann
Girl #1: They were all wondering why I wasn’t eating, and they kept asking me to eat something, so I just finally had a sandwich to shut them up. So when I went back to the hotel, I threw up.
Girl #2: I totally understand, I would have done the same thing.
–NYSC locker room, 23rd & Park
Girl #1: These are my fat ass pants.
Girl #2: Oh…so are they supposed to make your ass look fat or thin?
–58th & 5th
Man: Should we get something special to drink with this?
Woman: No, I think I’m just going to have water. I need to detoxify myself from all the coffee, cigarettes, alcohol, Red Bull and marijuana I’m constantly ingesting.
–Astoria
Pizza guy: No pizza for you?
FIT chick #1: No, I don’t eat. I’m anorexic.
FIT chick #2: Yeah, look what she’s wearing. That’s what happens when you don’t eat. You go fucking crazy.
–27th & 7th pizzeria
Daughter: What’s on your leg?
Mother: It’s cellulite, all women have it. And if you think the women you see in magazines don’t, they do. They just get it covered up in their pictures by a special pen called an airbrush.
Daughter: Will I get cellulite?
Mother: Yes, soon.
–Century 21, Cortlandt Street
Jersey girl: There is no way Anna Nicole lost that weight on TrimSpa. She’s obviously smoking crack.
–4 train
Chick: Yeah, she’s trying to put back on the 10 pounds she lost during her little crack experimentation.
–Rivington & Allen
Overheard by: Josh Mueller
Crackhead: I had never seen anybody smoking crack. I had no idea what it looked like, somebody smoking crack. Until my uncle. And you know, he changed my Pampers.
–Fourth Ave & Dean Street, Brooklyn
Overheard by: sparkle shortz
Long-hair: Yeah, so for my birthday I just got myself a shitload of mescalin. And all I did was sit in my apartment all day, tripping my ass off.
–14th & 8th
Overheard by: debo
Guy: I could have been an astronaut if i didn’t do so many drugs. Why
didn’t anyone tell me?
–Pratt Institute
