Dating

Next Wednesday One-liners

Queer on cell: Oh my God, did you hear? Liz has a date…yeah, with a guy…a straight guy…

–Time Warner Center

Overheard by: Cole

Suit on cell: Hi, I’m in Chelsea. I just bought the We Love Disco CD and two porn magazines.

–22nd between 7th & 8th

Black guy: Damn, those horses is gay.

–Times Square

Overheard by: seth scott barkley

Queer on cell: Hey, I got here early. The Starbucks is closed for renovations, so why don’t we just skip to the blowjob?

–7th & Grove

Chick: He was getting blown by a trannie and right before he came he said, “get out of my car, you faggot” and that’s how he knew he wasn’t gay.

–W Hotel bar, Union Square

Overheard by: Somebody nowhere

Guy: I mean, he’s weird. He’ll let me make out with him, but he won’t share his salsa.

–Bond & Lafayette

Queer: First of all, if I was going to have an orgy at four in the morning, I would not have carne asada first. Pttth! Second of all…um…carne asada is not pre-orgy food.

–Barrage, West 47th Street

Overheard by: Nick Salvato

Queer: I’m never having sex with another virgin again. When the virgin is on the receiving end it can be such a pain in the…yeah.

–Bleecker & Macdougal

Woman on cell: Mom, he doesn’t have an accent, he’s gay!

–Madison & 52nd

After the Hand Roll, She’s Going to Cut Him into 6 Pieces

White woman: Are you available?
Teen Japanese boy: I’m sorry?
White woman: Are you…available?
Teen Japanese boy: Available for what?
White woman: You know…available?
Teen Japanese boy: Sorry, this is my stop.

–F train

Overheard by: Heather Red

Back to School, Wednesday One-liners

Guy: I want to go to FIT so I can hook up with girls.

–27th & 7th

Girl: I mean, I got shat on at Harvard.

–9th Street & 2nd Avenue

Overheard by: Kamran Javadizadeh

Woman: Is there a special event going on at Columbia this summer? Because I’ve seen a lot of Asians around.

–116th & Broadway

Overheard by: Carrie

Hipster girl: I mean, I’ve got like, over 160 facebook friends. Does that not mean anything?

–56th & 6th

Overheard by: Joyce Shen

Sociology professor: No one knows what the hell Derrida is talking about, but we all pretend we do anyway.

–Columbia

Overheard by: djlindee

Dude, Vegans Don’t Eat Meat

Woman: So how was the blind date?
Man: Ugh, you know. He’s tall, white, and a vegan. The same as every man in this world.

–Union Square

Overheard by: Mike Drucker

Goth v. Preppy: The Archie Paradigm

Girl #1: So, like, I’m deciding between these two guys. One’s really hot, and like, Goth and stuff–he listens to Cradle of Filth–and the other’s all preppy and sweet.
Girl #2: Uh huh. That’s so Tess of the d’Urbervilles.
Girl #1: Uh huh. And so, I’m all conflicted. The preppy one’s so sweet! He’s trying to get me not to do drugs. He’s all, “Don’t do heroin!”
Girl #2: That’s sweet, I guess. Wait: do you do drugs?
Girl #1: Well, no. I might have done pot once, but I was so wasted I couldn’t tell.

–The Strand

He’s “Dating” Her as We Speak

Russian chick: I don’t know why he’s so pathetic that he resorts to lap dancing. I mean, come on, lap dancing! Is he really so desperate? He’s a good-looking guy, I just don’t understand how he could stoop so low!
Preppy guy: No no no, you misunderstand! He’s not desperate, he’s just into that sort of thing… you know, he’s actually dating a porn star right now.

–84th between 2nd & 3rd

Overheard by: Mr. Sausage

Wednesday One-liners Don’t Make the Cut

Girl: I’m warning you in advance, way in advance: don’t get too drunk tonight, you always end up with someone bad.

–St. Mark’s Place

Woman: …and now I don’t want to even see his feet much less touch them!

–72nd & 3rd

Overheard by: Nora

JetBlue chick: You can’t be dating him, he looks all dyslexic.

–JFK

Overheard by: Jessica

Chick on cell: …and it’s ironic, but the Museum of Sex was like a bad lay: small, and not performing to my expectations.

–111th & Broadway

Overheard by: Djlindee

It’s Not Enough That She Turned Him Into a Hippie

Hippie boy: What are we going to talk about? He’s a hairdresser and I’m a teenager!
Mom: Date him, I guess.

–Prospect Park

Overheard by: Gretchen

Except That The Jungle Is Natural

Gay Black guy #1: Oh my god, I sooo have jungle fever. Do I look good with him?
Gay Black guy #2: It’s so weird.
Gay Black guy #1: What, we don’t look good together?
Gay Black guy #2: No, yeah, it’s just that, he’s really white and you’re like, extra black, so it’s like really jungle fever.

–D train

Build a Relationship with Wednesday One-liners

Woman: Every time I date Greek men I get fat…Every single time!

–South Cove, Battery Park City

Guy on cell: I know man, sometimes I wish you were her husband instead of me.

–Starbucks, Union Square West

Overheard by: alison

Chick on cell: …so I said, “Stop calling me. It was a one night stand.”

–F train

Black queer: So who is this guy, anyway? Has anybody even met this guy you say you’re dating? Or is he like that “Bob” guy you put in your car so you can drive in the H.O.V. lane?

–Times Square

Guy: She has…two one-eyed cats. She’s never getting engaged.

–Madison Square Park

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