Young woman: I really want a boyfriend who is mean, who can say that, “I’m gonna kill him” and then looks down at his hand, and that laughs.
Older woman nods.
Young woman: You know, like those villians in movies with that grin, not the crazy ones who laugh but the ones who grin. 

–NYU gym locker room

Man: Her first husband told her he was gay after 7 years. Her second was a loveless marriage. And then she had coffee with me!

–La Lanterna

Girl #1: God, why are all the losers interested in me?!
Girl #2: Shut up! At least you have the potential of getting some ass! All I can get are the people in my mind… And they’re not even hot!
Girl #1: … Sorry.

–Cowgirl Hall of Fame restaurant, Hudson St

Girl on cell: So I told her I didn’t think George Washington was a cannibal.

–Barnes & Noble, Staten Island

Overheard by: Marina Tricorico

Asian girl to friend: You know, if he really likes you, he’d eat you.

–Coles Sports Center

Overheard by: Alice Huang

Hysterical woman screaming at cops: She bit me! I did not touch her!

–84th & Broadway

Overheard by: rachel

Dude: Remember that crazy condo lady? She totally ate my ass on the first date.


20‐something guy on cell: have you ever tasted pee before?! Word?!

–Spring & W Broadway

Three‐year‐old girl: Daddy, I’m eating your eyeballs!

–R Train

Overheard by: Jon A.

Columbia hipster girl #1: They were going out for a while.
Columbia hipster girl #2: Like, in college or in the real world?

–Columbia University

Overheard by: Living a fantasy

Bimbo #1: I just want to move to another state, you know?
Bimbo #2: Yeah, like further south?
Bimbo #1: No, probably Australia.
Bimbo #2: Oh my God, me too! My cousin owns this train station, we could totally go!
Bimbo #1: Nah. I have a date tonight.

Headline by: johnny pissoff


· "All Aboard the Pangea Express" - Stitches

· "And Australia's like, "WTF mate?"" - one L

· "Ashley crushes yet another of Jessica's plans." - Heidi

· "Besides, i dont speak german..." - senny

· "Crikey! Thank God the Stingrays Got Me Before They Arrived." - Katie

· "Going Down, But Not Under" - sigh

· "It's good to see Condy getting out more" - mp

· "Wait, You Have a Date? That Doesn't Even Make Sense." - 08kjl

Click here to see the new Headline Contest

Girl #1: He was just the most amazing guy — he said the most amazing things to me. I just wanted to run away with him.
Girl #2: That’s gay.

–Barnard College

Angry man yelling into pay phone: Do you know what extortion is? Yeah? Well, it’s not nice.

–Polish resturant, Brooklyn Heights

Bus driver: To all the nice people who didn’t curse at the bus driver, thank you.

–Bx 8 bus

Overheard by: You’re Welcome

Woman collecting money for Coalition for the Homeless: Now, you have a nice day, sir! I don’t wanna tell you have a nice day, because you’re a horrible person! You should be giving me money, but you ain’t and you’re going to hell! But I’m a good person, so I’m going to say have a nice day anyway! Have a nice day, ladies. Shalom!

–42nd & Broadway

Overheard by: Michelle Smith

Homely redhead: I started dating this new guy, and that’s really good because I haven’t dated anyone in over a year. We’ve been on two dates and he’s married and he’s really nice.

–60th & 5th

Dude: He’s a nice guy. If you cross him he’ll tie your ears together and slingshot boxes of wine in your face.


Chick: She is a nice girl! Completely crazy.

–67th St stop, Queens

Loud teenage guidette: He doesn’t date!
Ugly teenage guidette: Yeah, he’s gay or something. I heard — yeah.
Loud teenage guidette: No, no, he’s protestant — like religious. They worship this Chinese guy…
Ugly teenage guidette: Oh, I heard about that! They don’t date?
Loud teenage guidette: They don’t date white people.


Friend #1: Can you believe that? I never heard from her again!
Friend #2: Well, at least you got to see her vagina.

–48th & 10th