Dating

Boyfriend is trying to force-feed chocolate to his girlfriend.

Girlfriend: Stop, I don’t want it. It will make me fat, and you won’t want me.
Boyfriend: Yeah, but no one else will either.

–A train

Girl #1: So, how was your night last night?
Girl #2: Um, I’m pretty sure I have jizz in my hair.

–Washington Square Park

Girl on cell: No I'm not bringing anything, this is not a date, it's 10 o'clock on a Friday night. I'm bringing my vagina, that's what I'm bringing.

–Court St & 2nd Place

Girl on cell: I mean, there's nothing obviously wrong with my vagina!

–23rd & 7th

Girl on bike: I feel like I've had a pencil up my vagina for 10 hours!

–Hudson River Bike Path

Distraught NYU student: I'm covered in vaginal cream.

–NYU Dorm, Union Square

Overheard by: Erica Fuld

Hurried young guy on cell: Well, you can't just sniff anyone's vagina!

–W 52nd b/w 9th & 10th Ave

Gay on phone: But what does her vag look like?

–Chelsea

Overheard by: Liz

Guy: Man, you think Lee Harvey Oswald had good aim? You should meet my wife.

–B train

Overheard by: Jess Issacharoff

Woman: Her bridal shower was her sweet sixteen.

–F train

Queer on cell: Hi, Sweetie!…What? You got married? But honey, you’re gay!

–63rd & 3rd

Chick on cell: So did I tell you about the e-mail I got? This guy I met on-line, on Nerve–we went out on like three dates, like a year and a half ago. Yeah, so I got an e-mail from his wife and she was like, “Yo bitch, stay away from my husband.” So I wrote back, “Don’t e-mail me, e-mail your husband who’s been cheating on you for two fucking years.”

–33rd & Park

Teen girl: Yeah, he’s really lonely since his wife died 3 years ago. Now his best friend is his right hand and some skin lotion.

–Park Slope

Guy: Hey, how’s my wife and your kids?

–55th & Madison

Overheard by: Matt

Man on cell: I ain’t trying to see you nothin’. I want to marry you. I’m tellin you the truth. T-R-U-F-F. The Truth!

–Atlantic Avenue gas station

Overheard by: Megan

Gate agent: You need to listen to me. Don’t listen to your wife. Your wife doesn’t work here.

–Newark airport

Overheard by: jk

Dorky guy: Maybe I’ll take you to Lucky Cheng’s.
Date: Huh?
Dorky guy: I thought you’d heard of it. See, men dress up as women there. They’re called transvestites. Some of them even have had surgery. I won’t really take you there. I just wanted to understand your thought process. See how you react when I throw something like that out there.
Date: What? Are you taking me there?

–14th St

Young woman: I really want a boyfriend who is mean, who can say that, “I’m gonna kill him” and then looks down at his hand, and that laughs.
Older woman nods.
Young woman: You know, like those villians in movies with that grin, not the crazy ones who laugh but the ones who grin.

–NYU gym locker room

Man: Her first husband told her he was gay after 7 years. Her second was a loveless marriage. And then she had coffee with me!

–La Lanterna

Girl #1: God, why are all the losers interested in me?!
Girl #2: Shut up! At least you have the potential of getting some ass! All I can get are the people in my mind… And they’re not even hot!
Girl #1: … Sorry.

–Cowgirl Hall of Fame restaurant, Hudson St

Girl on cell: So I told her I didn’t think George Washington was a cannibal.

–Barnes & Noble, Staten Island

Overheard by: Marina Tricorico

Asian girl to friend: You know, if he really likes you, he’d eat you.

–Coles Sports Center

Overheard by: Alice Huang

Hysterical woman screaming at cops: She bit me! I did not touch her!

–84th & Broadway

Overheard by: rachel

Dude: Remember that crazy condo lady? She totally ate my ass on the first date.

–Chelsea

20-something guy on cell: have you ever tasted pee before?! Word?!

–Spring & W Broadway

Three-year-old girl: Daddy, I’m eating your eyeballs!

–R Train

Overheard by: Jon A.

Columbia hipster girl #1: They were going out for a while.
Columbia hipster girl #2: Like, in college or in the real world?

–Columbia University

Overheard by: Living a fantasy