Nail salon employee #1, walking up to closed nail salon: What? No one opened this morning?
Nail salon employee #2, standing outside nail salon: No. No one here.
Nail salon employee #1, disappointed: They're such alcoholics.
–Bleecker St
Overheard by: dev
A Wendy’s employee, fresh off his break, pretends to be a customer.
Wendy’s Guy #1: Hello, sir. Welcome to Wendy’s. Can I take your order?
Wendy’s Guy #2: I want a Big Mac.
Wendy’s Guy #1: A Big Mac?
Wendy’s Girl: I don’t want a Big Mac but I want that sauce.
Wendy’s Guy #2: Yeah, it’s pretty good.
Wendy’s Girl: Isn’t it just 1000 island dressing?
–Wendy’s, Bensonhurst
Woman #1: Oooh, I really like the smell of whatever you’re eating or wearing. What is that?
Woman #2: A cough drop.
Woman #1: What kind?
Woman #2: Hall’s.
Woman #1: Oooh, that’s really nice.
–Elevator, McCann Erickson office
Store guy #1: Did you hear that JT Leroy is a fake? He never existed.
Store guy #2: What? Dude, are you serious?
Store guy #1: It’s true. The New York Times proved it with like receipts and shit. Billy Corgan must be rolling over in his grave.
Store guy #2: Wait, Billy Corgan’s dead?
–Kim’s Video, St. Marks Place
Cab driver, getting cut off: Yeah, drive like you want that cheeseburger!
–Columbus Circle
Cabbie: I got in some trouble and my wife threw all my clothes out of the house. I never realized how many clothes I have! I know New York streets better than my own closet! (laughs)
–Cab, Broadway & Houston
Cab driver to colleague who just honked after he stopped for a pedestrian: What, you want me to kill him?
–Battery Park
Middle Eastern cab driver: I used to have a video store in Washington Heights. But the black bastard put me out of business! Can you believe it? After ten years the black bastard put me out of business! Do you now the black bastard on Dyckman? C'mon! Everybody knows the back bastard! Black bastard! Black bastard video!
–Cab, Washington Heights
Overheard by: Gene Gray
Cab driver: When you drive for ten hours a day, you learn that over 50% of drivers are, how do you say it…stupid.
–Queens
Overheard by: Fiasco
Employee #1: Did you know one company will fly you to outer space for $40 million?
Employee #2: I would never do that. I’d shit myself.
Employee #1: I shit myself even going to Queens!
–Broad & Beaver
Entrepreneur #1: We could have ice cream hands jobs.
Entrepreneur #2: Huh?
Entrepreneur #1: Yeah, two things everybody likes.
–Bleecker Street & Broadway
Guy: The train car smelled like a dead rat today, I swear.
Woman: I know. It stays in your nose. It’s like a dead body. When you smell rotting flesh, it stays with you no matter what you do. Same with skunk.
–Office, 35th & 8th
Art store guy #1: No, I don’t know where it is…Hey, does anyone know where there’s an art show this weekend? This guy on the phone wants to know.
Art store guy #2: Tell him SoHo and hang up.
–Utrecht, 4th Avenue
Overheard by: Jason
Hobo to female passerby (singing): Pretty woman, walking down the street/Pretty woman, eating a hamburger…
–Wendy's, Union Square
Overheard by: Hungry Bystander
Salesgirl to another: You look pretty today…for a little Filipino girl.
–American Eagle, SoHo
Overheard by: Holly
Loud hobo walking through crowded train: Lots of beautiful ladies on this train. Beautiful white ladies. Beautiful black ladies. I like her hat. (turns to one shy-looking girl) Do you wear makeup? You shouldn't. You don't need it, you are so beautiful. If you have any makeup, just throw it away. Or send it to my girl, cuz she is ugly.
–Downtown 4 Train
50-something woman to pretty 20-something girl: I just wanted you to know that our husbands over there think you are one of the most beautiful girls they have ever seen. So now our husbands are going to have sex with my friend and I tonight. They may be thinking of you during, but thanks to you I am going to have an orgasm tonight, so thank you for being so gorgeous.
–Boat Basin Cafe
Overheard by: Megan W.
Guy on iPhone: You think because you're pretty you can get away with that shit. Well, you're wrong! You can get away with that shit because you're rich!
–Duane Reade, Columbus Ave
Overheard by: Veronica at http://everythingisused.blogspot.com/
