Voluble man: Hey, blondie! Hey! Guess what? I’m the prettiest man on this here bus! I’m like Muhammad Ali! Get your degree, smoke your crack free, national American methiversity! Hey, blondie! Guess what? I gots the prettiest dick on this whole bus! You should come over and check it on up!

Overheard by: blondie

Creepy mustached dude: Yep, so that's nine weeks of good urine testing. And about four weeks ago, I started using my own.

Dunkin' Donuts
Hartford, Connecticut

Overheard by: All I wanted was a coffee

Customer: My therapist wants me to start thinking of men as friends. Seriously though, if you can’t fuck’em, what’s the point?

Espresso Drive Thru
Seattle, Washington

Overheard by: The Barista Who Loves Her Job

Female Mets fan: I’d let the whole infield fuck me in the ass with no lube if it meant they would win the World Series.
Friend: Classy, Michelle, real classy.

Braves-Mets Game
Queens, New York

Overheard by: aaron

Music History prof taking roll: Jane Smith?
Jane: Here.
Prof: Oh, there you are. I’m just used to seeing you from behind.

Hartford, Connecticut

Large man: You need a back rub?
Girl rubbing shoulder in pain: I’m fine, thanks.
Large man: I give great massages. My mama says it’s better than a orgasm.

MUNI bus
San Francisco, California

Overheard by: melissa

Bathroom-bound tech woman: Are you following me? Not that many people follow me at my age.
Tech guy: No. I’m more of the ‘call-is-coming-from-inside-the-house’ kind of guy.

Overheard by: 2catchapredator

Biology professor, on earthworm digestive systems: And I’m including this part because I enjoy saying words like “anus”.

South Dakota State University
South Dakota

Eccentric driver's ed student: Sometimes I really just like to sniff my pants. (leans forward and sniffs his pants)

Northport, New York

Overheard by: Jessica

Man: She’s my soul mate. I just wish she was 20 years older and not my daughter.

Overheard by: that’s kinda creepy