Creepsters

Hobo: Let me sit in your lap and belch like a naughty girl!
Young man: Okay, now I’m freaked out.

–23rd & 6th

Overheard by: Zed

Headline by: tab

Runners-Up:
· “But That’s Just The Acid. Have A Seat!” – Lalaith
· “But Not Sufficiently So to Decline Your Generous Offer” – andy
· “Dad, Im Getting to Old for That!!” – not again!
· “Go Home, Britney.” – EKC
· “It Sucks to Be New York Santa” – aileen
· “Please Go Back to Humping My Leg.” – Dennis
· “The Fairy God Hobo Can Make All Your Dreams Come True…” – Uulargh of the Prairie

Click here to see the new Headline Contest

Hipster girl: Get your hands off of me, pervert!
Disheveled non-hipster: I ain’t got my hands on you! Since you got to go accusing me, well, shit, might as well be guilty! [Grabs her chest]

–L train, Bedford Ave

Overheard by: Dead Man Walking

Two men pass each other on the street.

Middle-aged man #1: Hey!
Middle-aged man #2: I didn’t recognize you with clothing on.

–62nd & Broadway

Overheard by: Rachel

Guy #1: Oh my god, you can’t believe what I can make her do…!
Guy #2: What?
Guy #1: I can get her to lick off peanut butter anywhere on me.

–86th St

Overheard by: Robert Mattera

Dude: This weather! It’s a beautiful fucking night, isn’t it?
Chick: I know! It’s fucking amazing, it’s just so fucking sweet!
Dude: Yeah, it is fucking nice out, I wish I could take a piss — you know, somewhere outside — and not get arrested!

–Union Square

Overheard by: Susan Volchok

Long-haired dude: You penised his penis with your penis!
Creepy chick: Dude! That’s, like, penis cubed!
Long-haired dude: Damn. How many penises is that?
Creepy chick: Well, three. Penis times penis times penis. Duh.

–56th & Lex

Overheard by: i never passed math

Cameraman: They actually have a huge problem every year at Rockefeller Center with all the people standing around at the ice rink and the tree. Guys will jerk off and rub up against people.

–9th Ave. and 55th

Overheard by: Meredith

Girl: So you totally raped me with the pot pipe.
Guy: Well, it was only in the mouth.

–Hank’s Saloon, DUMBO

Guy #1: Dude, that chick is hot.
Guy #2: Man, I think I got a roll of duct tape somewhere with her name on it.

–23rd & West Side Highway

D.O.M.: I really like your culture.
Cute Japanese bartender: You… like torture?
D.O.M.: What? No, no… Culture — culture….
Bartender: [Silence.]D.O.M.: Culture. Man, how do I say this…?
Bartender: [Silence.]D.O.M.: … I like what you guys do.
Bartender, leery: Thanks…

–Japanese restaurant

Overheard by: aulevan

Guy: God, Elizabeth Smart is hot.
Girl: I know! She makes me want to rape.
Guy: ME TOO! We should find her!
Girl: Wasn’t she found?
Guy: Yeah, but I mean find her to abduct her again.
Girl: I’m a raper, not a kidnapper.
Guy: Fine, I’ll kidnap her and we can take turns with the rape.

–Flatiron District

Overheard by: Jeff