Overheard in Philly

Bus driver: I can’t let you off here. You’ll get killed.
Thug: It’s cool, man. I got insurance!


Overheard by: anonymous

Middle-aged black woman to friend: You gotsta have TP. You gotsta wipe yo’ ass.


Overheard by: anonymous

Mid-40s thrift store lady, to VHS of Hidalgo: Mmm, mmm — Viggo Mortensen. Any time, any place, anywhere, any hole. You know it.


Overheard by: little bald bastard

Old hag: Sometimes I forget I’m married. I guess if my husband was rich I wouldn’t forget about him, but he not.


Overheard by: anonymous

Hungover teen girl #1: How was last night? You two have fun?
Hungover teen girl #2: Ohhh, we had a good time. [Suddenly looks confused] Do you think I should have told him about my STDs before we did? We were too drunk to find condoms…


Overheard by: sy ‘philis’ amgems

Nervous white guy to friend: Are we gonna be the only white people on the train?


Overheard by: eastchestnut

Loud woman #1: My friend is on that. When you fart, it makes you shit oil.
Loud woman #2: Really?
Loud woman #1: Yup, you shit oil and grease.


Overheard by: grossed out

Dude #1: Yeah, I go to gay bars sometimes.
Dude #2: Really? So, are you saying you like guys?
Dude #1: No, I don’t like guys, but when I go to gay bars I just dance with them and flirt with them. It’s not like I have conversations with them.
Dude #2: … So then maybe you’re bi?
Dude #1: No, I’m just a people person.


Overheard by: mr. Wtf?

Trendy girl: I can barely find the energy to ambulate!


Overheard by: try walking

Guy yelling at roommate from window: Hey, Jimmy*! The girls are the ones without the penises!


Overheard by: anonymous