Yuppie guy #1: I’ll have a strawberry margarita. As fruity as possible. I just cover it up with a wife and kids.
Yuppie guy #2: Hey, I’m married, and I’m still not comfortable with my sexuality.
Yuppie guy #1: Really?
–79th Street Boat Basin
Overheard by: Andrea Natalie Goldstein
Rich girl #1: So she got into a fight with her step mother last night.
Rich girl #2: But she can’t have a stepmother; her real mother isn’t dead yet!
–6 train
Overheard by: Adam
Al Bundy guy: …So I told her, “Yo, I can’t do that, you’re my sister! You want it? Show me we’re not blood. Prove to me we’re not blood related. Then you can have it.”
–Anbar Shoes, Reade Street
Latina: So, his name is Louis, and his brother’s name is Louis–like can you get more Dominican?
–1 train
Overheard by: Karen
NYU girl: Yeah, I think I’m good looking. I mean, if I had a twin, I would totally hook up with him.
–Broadway & 10th
Chick on cell: I mean, an Easter egg hunt, but with cigarettes? How cool would that be?
–6th between Prince & Spring
Overheard by: djlindee
Woman: So there were three of us, standing around the toilet, and we each threw our cigarette butts one by one into the toilet, and when I flushed it, there was this…space. And through that space I saw my family at the other end…
–Prospect Park Bandshell
Overheard by: MissHell
Man: I want to get down to a carton of cigarettes for each paycheck.
–Sunset Park
Overheard by: Priscilla Grim
Black chick: Yeah, I broke my sister’s knee with a baseball bat.
White chick: Wow, me and my sister had some bad fights but your’s top all our fights. You must really hate each other.
Black chick: No, I did it out of love.
White chick: What do you mean?
Black chick: My sister’s in the Army Reserve. They called her unit up to go to Iraq. I hit her on purpose so she wouldn’t have to go. I had to hit her twice to make sure her knee was broken.
–Tillary Street, Downtown Brooklyn
Girl #1: My throat hurts. Does yours?
Girl #2: Um…no. Are we twins? Is it supposed to hurt?
–Bed-Stuy
Overheard by: roc luch
Crazy lady: I hate my fucking mother and I want to kill her. I want to watch her bleed. She is a fat lazy bitch. She was nothing but a container!
Guy: God will not forgive you if you kill your mother. Can you also keep it down please?
–PATH train
Overheard by: JMK
Alt girl: So his second cousin is also his dad. That’s fucking mashed up.
–Times Square
Teen girl: You sure it’s his, right? He didn’t take his cock out or nuthin’?
–Laundry room, 108th & 2nd
Overheard by: CK Allen
Chick: Yeah, so I’ve been making out with my stepcousin lately.
–Coney Island
Overheard by: Kam Truhn
Guy #1: That’s a cute dog.
Guy #2: Thanks, she’s my daughter.
Guy #1: …How is that possible?
Guy #2: Yeah, that’s right: I gave birth to her, she came out of my vagina.
–98th & 5th
Guy: I got both, bitch! I got a pussy and a dick!
–6th Avenue & 9th Street
Chick: He was my rag guy! What am I going to do now? I’m gonna dry up. If you stick your ear up to my vagina you’re going to hear the fucking desert like it’s a seashell.
–43rd & 5th
Overheard by: James Wilson
Burkha woman: …when you remove a man’s genitals, it’s a sin.
–Port Authority
Guy on cell: I’m busy. I’m getting my dick sucked right now.
–4 train
Overheard by: LatiE
Guy: It wasn’t till I started college that I realized they had botched the circumcision. We had all just flopped them out and I was like, “Dude, what is wrong with yours?”, and they were like, “No man, it’s you, what the fuck happened to you? It looks like the fucking rings of saturn.”
–38th & 3rd
Suit: If you’re a dick you can do anything.
–Maiden Lane & Pearl Street
Overheard by: SKG
Man on cell: So I was trying to take a pee and she kept talking to me, so then my dick got hard and I couldn’t pee.
–25th & 5th
Overheard by: Ian Wheeler-Nicholson
Lady on cell: He’s a hermaphrodite…he was born that way…his grandparents, thats why. Genetic mutations and stuff.
–50th & Madison
Chick: But he has a pierced dick! They don’t sell that shit in stores!
–SI party
Overheard by: Rebecca Dash
