Family Ties

Highly agitated gay man, bleach‐blond, indeterminately biracial: My mother was black! She died in 1999!
Middle aged black woman: Now, wait a second…
Highly agitated gay man: My mother was black and my father was Chinese!
Middle aged black woman: Now, you just don’t worry about them…
Highly agitated gay man: If I’m white, it’s because my black mother was white!
Middle aged black woman: Now you’re just bein’ crazy.

–Prospect Park, Brooklyn

Overheard by: MPW

College girl: Whenever I tell anyone that I was there when you dislocated your shoulder they ask if it’s my fault ’cause we were having sex.
20‐ish guy: Hahaha! Yeah, me, too. I had one guy ask me, ‘Did it happen while you were [pelvic thrusts] uh, uh, uh?‘
College girl, excitedly: That’s exactly what my dad said!

–Riverside Park

Overheard by: Vicksburg

Blonde: Fine, whatever, then I’ll just paint a picture of your family so we never need to fucking talk about this again.
Brunette: You just don’t get it!

–The Met

Chick: You know, even though I’m 22, every time I go out, when I’m home my mom still waits up for me.
Random guy: No, she doesn’t.

–6 Train

Girl #1: I just don’t know what he sees in me.
Girl #2: Maybe the same thing you see in him.
Girl #1: Well, I like him because his dad’s a mortician.

–Park Slope

Exasperated mother: C’mon, we’re going to be late.
Hyperactive boy: No! We have to wait for daddy!
Exasperated mother: What? Your father’s in Philly.
Hyperactive boy: My other daddy!
Exasperated mother: Who, Bob?
Hyperactive Boy: No, Gary!

–1 Train

Overheard by: Mommy’s Been Busy

Street preacher: Oh, you poor ladies. You are on your way to Hell. Stop holding each other like that! Don’t you know that lesbianism is a sin?
Girl: Dude, that’s my mom!

–Jay St

Guy: I really wanna kiss you right now.
Girl: So who does that make you: my uncle or my dad?

–Bar, Carroll Gardens

Guy: What does that tattoo say?
Chick: *Sigh* I promised myself I’d never get a tattoo unless I had a kid. Then I got a dog. It says Roxy. That’s her name. Now I have to explain to everyone how I’m the biggest loser in the world.


Brunette sister: Ally did turn into a slut in college!
Blonde sister: She’s our sister!
Brunette sister: She’s getting more than we did in college! Although I got more than you.
Blonde sister: Yeah, probably. I’m paying for the lattes.

–Starbucks, Bryant Park