Dreaming of Wednesday One-liners

Contractor on cell: Uncle Monty left his nightmares at home last night.

–Park Slope

Girl on cell: …since we lived underwater we were seapeople, and we were a lot like seahorses, and you were pregnant because, you know, male seahorses carry the baby. And then we had to go on land for you to have the baby…

–Hunter College cafeteria

Woman on cell: I’m telling you, this guy is the man of my dreams. The only thing that could go wrong at this point is if he turns out to be, like, 4’11” or something.

–Prospect Heights

(cf. this entry.)

Posted on December 22, 2024
All Wednesday One-Liners, Animals & Nature, Dreams, Family Ties, Pregnancy & Birth Control, Wednesday One-Liners, Wednesday One-Liners Vary, Weirdness

There’s Our Problem: Not Enough Dead Children

Lady: They’ve got psychiatrists for dogs. They’ve even got their own cemeteries. They’ve got more things than kids!

–Eckerd’s, Bensonhurst

Younger brother: I wish I could jump over buildings like Spider-man.
Older sister: Little buildings or really tall buildings?
Younger brother: Tall buildings.
Older sister: I bet you could. Why don’t you try it sometime?

–M14 bus

Posted on November 14, 2024
Compare/Contrast, Family Ties, Man's Best Friend, Offers and requests, Pop Culture, Psychology, Wednesday One-Liners, Wednesday One-Liners Vary

Whatever Happened to Debbie Gibson?

Middle aged guy: So she makes six figures, she’s 40, and she lives at home with her mother?
Middle aged woman: Can you believe it? She has a son, too, but he lives on his own. Can you fucking believe that?
Middle aged guy: Jesus!

–2 train

Overheard by: Mike Sidoti

Posted on November 13, 2024
Family Ties, Kids, Men, Money & Class, On the Subway, People, Places, Topics, Women

Well, It Sure Won’t Turn Him Straight

Queer: My sister is so concerned about her son playing with dolls because it will turn him gay. I’m like, “It’s not because I was playing with dolls that I was gay, it was that I looked at a guy and got a hardon!”.

–Japonica, University Place

Overheard by: Rick T

Posted on July 13, 2024
Family Ties, Gays and Lesbians, Horny, One-liners, Penis, Queer guys, The Village

Half the Conversation, Twice the Funny

Woman on cell: I liked it, but I didn’t understand some things. Like, when you learned she was a whore. Where would you learn that? In the conversation with your mother? Why would she tell you something like that?…Oh, yeah. Now I understand. No, I liked it a lot.

–Battery Park

Overheard by: Slave2theMan

Posted on October 17, 2023
Battery Park, Compliments, Family Ties, On Cell, Prostitution, Women

Rachel Carson is Spinning in Her Eco-Grave

Hairstylist: Hey Jo Jo, what’s with that lady with all that body hair?
Jo Jo: She’s an old tree hugger. She never quit living in the 60s. Her kids and husband smell too.

–Hair Salon, Madison & 52nd

Posted on October 10, 2023
Barbers and hairdressers, Family Ties, Hair, History & Geography, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Scents of the City

Don’t Hate the Wildlife, Hate the Game

Man on cell: I didn’t know it was your baby crying! I thought you were watching some animal show. I wouldn’t have made the comment about the hyena if I knew it was your baby!…Well, yeah, I probably would have…hey, whatever happened to you and ugly-ass Omar?

–Penn Station

Overheard by: Krista Gundersen