Family ties

Shorter kid playing basketball to taller kid: Your dad bought your mom at Ikea!

Watertown, Massachusetts

Overheard by: Ariel

Working-class hippie: Oh, I have another porn story!
Foreign hippie: The one about your mom?
Working-class hippie: No, no, this one's about Matt*–my surrogate father.

Amherst, Massachusetts

Hipster girl #1: Those are nice (points at earrings), where did you get them?
Hipster girl #2: Oh, I stole these. I only steal earrings, for some reason. So did your parents ever get those goats for their farm?
Hipster girl #1: Not yet, but my mom said they're going to start growing pot.
Hipster girl #2: That's cool.

Durham, North Carolina

Overheard by: Vincent Ignatius

College guy #1: Hey, remember that time I fucked your mom in the ass?
College guy #2: Hey, remember that time I dressed up as my mom?

Fulton, Missouri

Overheard by: The Sweetheart

3rd grade girl, about essay: I am writing about taking a vacation to heaven!
Teacher: Okay, but why don't you pick a place you can actually go on vacation? You can't really just visit heaven.
3rd grade boy: Yes you can! I went to heaven once to visit my aunt!

Auburn, Alabama

Girl: So then she told me her sister decided to major in geography. I had to pull over to the side of the road because I was laughing so hard.


Overheard by: English Major

Old lady to grown daughter: Well you know what your brother's problem is? He's pussy-whipped!

San Jose, California

7th-grade-boy to another: I didn't know Martin Luther King Jr. was black!

Overheard by: scared for the future of education.

Large woman: Your dad kicked me in the head!
Scrawny boyfriend: What?
Large woman: And then you kicked me in the head!

Fredericton, New Brunswick

Overheard by: Marg

Man on phone: Yeah, everything with her is great. Only thing is, she keeps trying to talk my cousin and his wife into a threesome…


Overheard by: Ren