Queer #1: Can I have Coke?
Waitress: We don’t serve sodas here.
Queer #2: What about Diet Coke?

–Bliss Café, Williamsburg

Overheard by: sillyrabbit

Yuppie male at counter, taking a sip of his orange juice, sighing: Let me guess. This isn't freshly squeezed.
Barista: Nope!

–Amy's Bread

Young hipster: I want drink!
Concessions clerk: What? Snapple? What?
Young hipster: Drink! I want drink! [Pounds counter.]Concessions clerk, utterly confused: You are too young to drink.
Young hipster: I want drink! And purple!

–Madison Square Garden

Overheard by: attendee

Guy #1: Can I have some of your alcohol?
Guy #2: Sure.
Guy #1: That's the worst Long Island Iced Tea I've ever had.
Guy #2: It's a Rum & Coke.
Guy #1: Ohhh, that's why.

–Sunnyside, Queens

Overheard by: Daniel

Woman in line at Duane Reade: I drank your water, um, that bottle of bottled water?
Boyfriend: The one with the vodka in it?
Woman: Yeah, and it, um, tasted funny. I had to lie down.
Boyfriend: Are you going to apologize?
Woman: No.
Boyfriend: Are you going to apologize?
Woman: No.
Boyfriend: Are you going to apologize?
Woman: No. You should have come to bed.
Boyfriend: I did. You were asleep.

–59th St & 10th Ave

Overheard by: Tanker

Columbia coed #1: Does this have, like, a ton of caffeine in it?
Columbia coed #2: That’s milk.

–116th & Broadway

Overheard by: applying elsewhere

Man singing "My Girl": White girl — talking ’bout whiiite girl! Yeah, you! If I could, I would take you home right now and give you some Kool-Aid!

–2 train

Old guy playing chess: I can’t drink orange juice anymore. It makes my eyes sweat.

–Bleecker & Thompson

Overheard by: fancypants

Woman on cell: Just drink cranberry juice. It cures everything.

–Starbucks, Astor Pl

Overheard by: Brian

Man on cell: I don’t think somebody would put poison in milk…

–Union Square

Overheard by: SixthFloorGirls

Woman on cell: My cabbie just handed me a can of Coors. What the fuck?


Overheard by: Ladle

Outraged eight-year old boy: They didn’t have any fucking chocolate milk! I was so pissed off!

–76th & West End

Overheard by: Harriet Vane

Disgusted girl to friend: Are you drinking Jägermeister and Red Bull?
Friend: Hell yeah!
Disgusted girl to friend: Don't say it like you are proud!

–Skinny Bar, Lower East Side

Teen: Iced cappuccino, please.
Middle-aged tourist: Aren’t you a little young for that much caffeine, sweetie?
Teen: Uhhh, I’m from New York — there was caffeine in my breast milk.
Middle-aged tourist: Oh! You’re from here! Well… Could you give me directions to–
Teen: –Don’t you people have maps for that kind of thing?

–Bread Factory, 785 Lexington

Girl, touching water bottle on hot dog stand: Wow, this water is really hot!
Guy: Yeah. When you drink it, it's basically tea without the flavor!

–51st St & 6th Ave

Overheard by: ThirstyEar2