WednesDEA One-Liners

Loud guy: Hey! Illegal drugs, anyone? Illegal drugs? I want to buy some illegal drugs!

–6th Ave & 34h St

Overheard by: Emily

College girl to friend: Remember that time when you slept with that drug trafficker?

–33rd & 3rd

Man in restaurant: After the roofies I took I was a total mess, it was amazing.

–23rd & 10th

Overheard by: Matt

Man to friend holding Diet Coke: Do you remember when they had this at that gay bathhouse I had to go to because my drug dealer was there?

–Duane Reade

Dude, about crowd: I'm so glad we dropped acid before coming here.

–Trader Joe's, Union Square

Overheard by: Kat

Loud girl on cell: She can't just call you up and like, reminisce and be like, "remember when we loved each other?" Oh, and I don't even want to talk about the conversation we had this morning. There's no excuse to do acid!

–Wagner College

Posted on July 10, 2015
All Wednesday One-Liners, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, College, Crime and Punishment, Drinks, Druggies, Drugs, Duane Reade, Friends, Gays and Lesbians, Girls, Guys, Hard Drugs, Love, Medicine, Men, Murray Hill and Gramercy, On Cell, Questions, Sex, Sorority Girls, Store, Union Square and East Village, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness

Isn't That Just Pulp Fiction?

New Jersey wife: Well, when you get lemons–you make lemonade!
New Jersey husband: That's bullshit! Did you ever hear of the lemon law?

–W 72nd St

Posted on July 5, 2015
B & T, Couples, Drinks, Fruit, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center

This Round's on Wednesday One-Liners

Hobo to another: Now the average American might not know about the economy and the depression. But they know about Budwieser. If they go to the bodega and there's no Budweiser, they know there's a problem.

–53rd Street E Station

Overheard by: SJG

Bald 30-something man: I believe in whiskey and little else.

–Lorimer & Union

Girl walking down the street: You took methamphetamines, I'm getting a Diet Coke!

–2nd Ave & 11th St

Overheard by: dazed and confused

Elated girl: This beer is really helping my canker sore.

–93rd & 2nd

Overheard by: brian w

Guy at bar: If the New York Public Library served Scotch, I would go there.

–Karl's Klipper, St George, Staten Island

Overheard by: Johnny Drongo

Train conductor: Next stop, Moshulo Parkway…and can someone get me a fucking soda! I'm in car 3! I need a damn soda!

–4 Train

Overheard by: B-Dizzle Yo

Posted on June 23, 2015
All Wednesday One-Liners, Bars & Clubs, Brooklyn, Compare/Contrast, Drinking & Drunk People, Drinks, Drugs, Girls, Guys, Health and Hygiene, Hobos, Men, Offers and requests, On the Subway, Public Transportation, Staten Island, Subway conductors, Subway stations, platforms, etc., Union Square and East Village, Upper East Side, Weirdness, Wishes & desires

Only If They're Envying the Yellower Bananas

Starbucks barista: Sorry, we're all out of bananas. Would you like to try something else?
Beach bum tanning girl: But I never drink anything from here that doesn't have bananas.
Starbucks barista: Well, we have some bananas in the back, but they still look green.
Beach bum tanning girl, clearly confused: If they're green on the outside, does that mean they're green on the inside too?

–Starbucks, Staten Island

Overheard by: Jacqueline Battaglia

Posted on June 18, 2015
Apologies, Baristas, Colors, Customers, Drinks, Fruit, Questions, Starbucks, Staten Island, Stupidity

And Are You Pregnant? I Rest My Case.

Bearded man: To save time, you should pour your apple juice in with your tea, to make apple-tea.
Unbearded man: That’s crazy talk.
Bearded man: Well, you’re the one who suggested I go on the pill.

–Diner, 59th & 7th

Posted on June 10, 2015
Advice, Crazy, Default, Drinks, Fruit, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Restaurants & Cafes, Time

That Dead Fly on the Rim Is Almost Like a Little Umbrella

Well-dressed bridge & tunnel young girl: I'll have a cosmopolitan.
Bartender: We don't serve cosmos here.
Well-dressed bridge & tunnel young girl: Fine, I'll have a gin and tonic.
Bartender: We've got two types of beer. Light and dark.
(woman pauses in thought)
Bartender: Here, honey. Try the light. It's kind of like a cosmo.

–McSorley's, Bowery & 7th

Posted on June 9, 2015
Bars & Clubs, Bartenders, Compare/Contrast, Creepsters, Default, Drinks, Girls, Offers and requests, Union Square and East Village

Wednesday One-Liner: Is It in You?

Girl on phone: Oh my god, mom! Aren't you so excited about these new reforms? I am so excited about these new reforms! Almost as excited as I am about my new water bottle!

–Barnard College Campus

Black guy to two other guys: And then he disrespected me… So I threw a bottle of Snapple at his head.

–Central Park

Guy selling water in the street: Ice cold water! Ice cold water! One dollar. Only a dollar. It's only a dollar, assholes!

–Harlem

Guy speaking to someone else: Juice! It's moose, with a j, holla!

–Highline Ballroom

Overheard by: Pasha

Posted on June 6, 2015
All Wednesday One-Liners, Animals & Nature, Black People, Central Park, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Columbia (& Barnard), Compare/Contrast, Drinks, Girls, Guys, Harlem & Morningside Heights, Insults, Moms, Money & Class, On Cell, One-liners, Parents, Parks, Questions, Vendors & Street Performers, Violence, Wednesday One-Liners, Words

Failing That, the Coke Machine Gets Custody

Teen girl #1: Listen, if you put a dollar in a Coke machine, the thing that comes out is your Coke, right?
Teen girl #2: Yeah, but–
Teen girl #1: –I’m just saying, the father should get the baby.

–9th St & 1st Ave

Overheard by: Nicole

Posted on May 20, 2015
Drinks, Kids, Money & Class, Parents, Philosophy, Pregnancy & Birth Control, Teens, Union Square and East Village

Do I Have to Stick My Tongue in His Secretary’s Mouth, Too?

Mom: If you don’t behave, you’re not going to get any milk. Oh, no, you’re going to get soy milk.
Screaming child: Nooo!
Mom: Yes. Soy milk. Just like when daddy was a vegan. And we don’t want that, now do we?

–1 train, near Columbia

Posted on May 17, 2015
Drinks, Moms, On the Subway, Threats

Drinks