Wednesday One-Liners: Cha-ching!

Guy on cell: Don’t play games with me or I’ll break your fuckin’ nose. Have you got the money? Where’s the fuckin’ money?

–47th & 5th

Overheard by: Adam Bertocci

Ghetto kid on cell: Yo, yo, you don’t want to play football? …Right, right, so just when you tackle them, put your hand in their pockets and take their money!

–M14 bus

Hobo: God, lady, I’m not asking for a million dollars; I’m just asking for some change!

–14th between 5th & University

Overheard by: theNJl

Biker dude: She’s a shrink and a psychiatrist, so you know she’s rollin’ in money.

–Starbucks, 27th & Park

Overheard by: Brawny McBrawnerson

Posted on March 19, 2015
All Wednesday One-Liners, Body Parts, Bus, Crime and Punishment, Fighting and ass kicking, Hobos, Homeless, Jobs & Careers, Kids, Manhattan, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Money & Class, Murray Hill and Gramercy, Nose Job, On Cell, On the Bus, People, Places, Psychology, Restaurants & Cafes, Rich people, Starbucks, Thievery, Threats, Topics, Union Square and East Village, Venues, Violence

Wednesday One-Liners Prefer to Think Of It As “Long-Term Borrowing”

Rich girl: I went to Forever21 and bought a dress. Then I stole some sunglasses and other accessories along with it, cause you know, times are rough.

–Metro-North Rail

Run-down-looking middle-aged guy: I got my phone stolen. Uh-huh. No, it wasn't even a trick, it was a friend!

–Home Depot, 23rd St

Overheard by: STC

Very loud child at display of cars to mother in line: It's okay, mom! You don't need to buy one for me. I can just take one and run out. Maybe even two, easy!

–Rite Aid, Brooklyn

Overheard by: oneofmanymikes

Shopping lady to friend: It's okay to steal but it's not okay to be gay.

–94th & 3rd Ave

Overheard by: venniblue

Girl on phone: So you actually caught him stealing from you? (pause) Okay. (pause) Well, you didn't want that anyway. So you're still going to fuck him, right?

–Broadway & 21st St

Posted on March 7, 2015
All Wednesday One-Liners, Brooklyn, Cell Phone, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Clothing, Compare/Contrast, Fashion, Friends, Friendship, Gays and Lesbians, Girls, Kids, Men, Moms, On Cell, One-liners, Parents, Questions, Rich people, Sex, Shopping, Store, Street, Stupidity, Thievery, Trains Not Subway, Upper East Side, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Wishes & desires, Women

Our Wednesday One-Liners in Blue

Cop on cell: Yeah, Adam just called. Are there bodies there?

–Outside Times Square Police Station

Overheard by: leah

Police officer on crowd control duty: If you was special, you'd get on the sidewalk. If you was my family, you'd get on the sidewalk.

–45th & Broadway

Overheard by: Claire

Little boy to mother, after policeman walks by: Mom, it's the five-o!

–38th St, Astoria

Man: Yo, I was so twisted last night. I was in the cop car and he was like, "no drinking in the cop car!"

–Lexington & 75th

Overheard by: wb

Cop to victim: So the doors and windows were locked,no sign of forced entry…and you're sure that your panty drawer was rifled through and unknown items are missing?

–Bensonhurst

Posted on February 14, 2015
All Wednesday One-Liners, Astoria, Brooklyn, Clothing, Cops, Crime and Punishment, Death, Drinking & Drunk People, Family Ties, Kids, Men, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Moms, On Cell, One-liners, Questions, Thievery, Times Square, Upper East Side, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness

What's “Shit,” Again?

Bimbo #1: Oh my god, like I could totally pickpocket you right now.
Bimbo #2: No you couldn't, I could like totally feel you!
Bimbo #1: Like I totally want to learn how to pickpocket.
Bimbo #2: I like want be a professional pickpocket.
Bimbo #1: Yeah, but you have to be all stealthy and shit.
Bimbo #2: There you go using big words again!

–Fordham University, Lincoln Center

Overheard by: Kate Melvin

Posted on February 3, 2015
Bimbettes, Fordham, Jobs & Careers, Stupidity, Thievery, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Wishes & desires

Junkies All Ride Unicycles, You Know

Hipster girl staring at bike locked to sign: Why would anyone steal just the front wheel of a bike?
Hipster guy: To buy heroin.

–Grand & Driggs

Overheard by: Adam

Posted on January 30, 2015
Girls, Guys, Heroin, Hipsters, Questions, Thievery, Williamsburg

Middle Class Kids Often Misunderstand Poor Kids

Small child #1: But I don't want to be a cop! I want to be a robber!
Small child #2: Too bad, you have to be a cop.
Small child #1: Why can't we all just be robbers, then we can steal stuff and no one can catch us?
Small child #2: Because, stupid… that's how it is! Robbers and cops! It's no fun to be a robber if there aren't any cops to chase you!

–Outside Brooklyn Church

Posted on January 3, 2015
Brooklyn, Cops, Kids, Questions, Thievery, Weirdness, Wishes & desires

It’s Your Responsibility As a Pirate-American

Angry guy #1: I was like, ‘The next time some guy says he won’t hire me ’cause I got a record, I’m gonna rob him on the spot!’
Angry guy #2: Damn right!

–6 train

Posted on December 26, 2014
Crime and Punishment, Jobs & Careers, On the Subway, Thievery

At Least You’ll Double Your Income

Frantic Chick: Where’s my bag? All my clothes were in there. Oh God, I have to dress like a whore for the next two weeks!

–Costume Party, Dumbo

Posted on December 13, 2014
Clothing, Girls, Manhattan, Thievery

Yo Momma So Wednesday, She One-Liners!

Woman on cell: Oh, and by the way, I called my mother to thank her. (pause) No, I said, "Mom, I'm calling on behalf of me and the girls to thank you very much." (longer pause) Well, she can just go fuck herself then.

–90th & Amsterdam Ave

Man on cell: You know a guy really likes a girl when he takes her home to meet his mom…and you know what, Sheila? You ain't never gonna meet my mom.

–South Slope, Brooklyn

Overheard by: smfd

Female college student to friend: We really need to cougarize your mom.

–111th & Broadway

Overheard by: Oh really

Guy: So, hey, my mom didn't die today.

–W 26th & 8th

Overheard by: Katie_AK

Girl sneaking into open conductor's room in front of the train: Next stop, your mother's asshole! Stand clear of the closing cheeks!

–6 Train

Overheard by: Adriana

Handbag seller on street corner: Yo! Tell yo mama I got her bag right here!

–Times Square

Overheard by: Taryn

Girl on cell: Yeah, I'm bussin' it for now, my mom's on this thing that I have to show her responsibility… I know, it's like I get up in the morning, I haven't gotten arrested in a while, and I have a job, what more do you want from me?

–Seguine Ave & Waterbury, Staten Island

Posted on December 7, 2014
All Wednesday One-Liners, Asshole, Brooklyn, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Columbia University, Comebacks, Crime and Punishment, Death, Friends, Girls, Guys, Insults, Jobs & Careers, Love, Men, MILF, On Cell, On the Subway, One-liners, Parents, Prison, Public Transportation, Questions, Staten Island, Students, Thievery, Times Square, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Vendors & Street Performers, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Wishes & desires, Women

Thievery