Women: Ugh! Excuse me?
Man: Excuse me? Excuse you!
Women: You keep grabbing your balls. It’s not nice!
Man: You’re right. I’m sorry.
–F train
Overheard by: MASON
Teenage girl: Don’t fucking touch me! Your hand is so pubic; you’ve been scratching your balls all day long!
–L train
Hobo #1: The probability is not in their favor, it’s not going to work out for them…it’s over, they’re not gonna make it. Look at that, look at him, sense it.
Hobo #2: Sense what? You don’t know what you’re talking about, shut the hell up.
Hobo #1: I never knew what I was talking about, and people still used to listen.
Hobo #2: You were always an ass.
Hobo #1: That’s why you’re rich!
–N train
Overheard by: k
Flutetard: Does anyone have any requests?
Teen boy: You know Attack of the Bumblebees?
Flutetard: Uh? Attack of the Bumblebees? Yes. No. You mean Flight of the Bumblebee?
Teen boy: Yeah.
Flutetard: No, I need the sheet music. It’s Russian.
–outside Delacorte Theater, Central Park
Overheard by: Damian Kelly
Woman: Excuse me, I left my passport in the ladies’ room.
Stewardess guy: I’m sorry, madam, you’ll have to wait until we make our way down the aisle.
Woman: But I need to get my passport.
Stewardess guy: I understand that, but we cannot move this cart back far enough. We should be through in a few minutes.
Woman: But it’s in the bathroom! What if someone takes it?
Stewardess guy: If it’s not in the bathroom when you get there, let one of us know and we’ll make an announcement.
Woman: No, I can’t wait for that to happen, I have to go and get my passport now.
Stewardess guy: I understand, but as I’ve explained to you before, you must wait. Please return to your seat.
Woman: Oh, you’re very nice. You know, in the United States, people don’t behave like that.
Stewardess guy: In the Netherlands people don’t dress like that.
–KLM flight to JFK
Guy: Why do you always have to be a ho?
Girl: I’m good at it.
Guy: Why can’t you do other things you’re good at? Head, yes. Ho, no.
–Lit Lounge, 2nd Avenue
Overheard by: kepler
Asian girl #1: Who’s that guy that’s not Steve Harvey?
Asian girl #2: Cedric the Entertainer.
Asian girl #1: Yeah, he might have been in The Cookout.
Asian girl #2: Oh my God, that’s so racist. “Who’s that guy that’s not Steve Harvey?”
Asian girl #1: Well, you knew who I was talking about!
–McDonald’s, 85th & 3rd
Overheard by: Aisha Moore
B&T Girl #1: He is so “not Westchester.”
B&T Girl #2: I know!
B&T Girl #3: I don’t get it. I’ve been here a year and I don’t get that. And what is or who is “the bridge and tunnel crowd”? Is it a good thing that those guys called us “bridge and tunnel crowd” when we walked in?
B&T Girl #1: Eww.
B&T Girl #2: Gross.
B&T Girl #1: Ew, oh there is so no way anyone called me bridge and tunnel.
B&T Girl #3: So that’s bad?
B&T Girl #2: What could be worse?
–Metro-North
Stocker guy #1: Hey, listen to this.
Stocker guy #2: Yeah?
Stocker guy #1: So I’m driving home last night, and my cell phone rings. And it’s a number that I don’t recognize. I pick it up, and say, “Hello?” And there’s this woman’s voice, and she’s like, “Is this Michael?” and I say, “Yeah.” So I’m thinkin’ it’s that girl I met the other day, that I gave my number to. And she’s like, “Did you meet a girl at 88th and 2nd?” And I’m like, “Yeah.” “How old are you?” she asks. And I like, I say, “I’m 34”, but I’m really 44. And then she’s like, “Well, she’s 15. This is her mother.”
–Food Emporium, 87th & Madison
Girlfriend: So let me get this straight, you think that God used the tiger to punish Roy?
Boyfriend: I think it’s possible.
Girlfriend: I can’t believe I’m dating you. What’s wrong with you, you have gay friends.
Boyfriend: Whoa, do you think I’m some sort of right-wing nut? I have no problem with gays. God punished him for dabbling in the black arts.
Girlfriend: Oh…huh?
–LaGuardia
Overheard by: Peter Lucas
Teen girl: I wonder what Marilyn Monroe does in her spare time.
Teen guy: Lie in her coffin?
–2 train
