Guy: You guys know what herpes are?
Teen boys: Uh…
Guy: Herpes are what you get from whorehouses. They look like…you know pretzel sticks with salt?
–Brooklyn-bound D train
Guy: You guys know what herpes are?
Teen boys: Uh…
Guy: Herpes are what you get from whorehouses. They look like…you know pretzel sticks with salt?
–Brooklyn-bound D train
Preppy teen boy #1: No, dude. She was in love with horses, remember? She liked screwing them — that’s how she died.
Preppy teen boy #2: No, no. That is not true. It was some accident having to do with horses.
Preppy teen boy #1: Yeah, exactly. She was screwing the horse, and then it fell on her. That’s how she died.
Preppy teen boy #2: Dude, that’s so wrong.
–45th St
Overheard by: wow
Teen girl: I just realized I have a lot of numbers belonging to teachers and parents of my friends on my phone.
Friend: You’re such a loser.
Teen girl: Well, I also have the numbers of a lot of drug dealers and sketchy older guys I’ve had sex with, so I think the two cancel each other out.
–Horace Mann School
Overheard by: jen
There is a Buddha statue on the counter.
Teen girl #1: Wow, she has weird nipples.
Teen girl #2: I think it’s a guy.
Teen boy: That’s Gandhi. Duh.
–99 cent store, Hylan Boulevard
Overheard by: Stacey Simon
Teen boy #1: You should be a Pokemon for Halloween.
Teen boy #2: Like Jesus?
–Chambers St.
Overcaffeinated teen with drink: I need to blend this. I wish I had blenders for hands.
Serious friend: Some people would want to be able to fly or read minds… I guess that's a pretty good super power too.
Overcaffeinated teen with drink: I'd used my blender hands to stir up the air and fly, like helicopter propellers.
Serious friend: Come on, think about the physics of that. If anything, you'd just create two devastating vortices on either side of you and suck everybody in. No flying.
Overcaffeinated teen with drink: If we're already asking for blender hands, I think a minor change in the laws of physics would be workable.
Serious friend: True. (spins hands like blender-propellers)
–6 Train
Overheard by: Lynne
Teen girl: Something must have gone wrong during her wax.
Teen boy: What was it?
Teen girl: I don’t know. She was, like, crying. And she hasn’t gotten another wax. I just don’t get it.
Teen boy: Sucks for her.
Teen girl: Seriously.
–Broadway & Prince
Overheard by: still speechless
Teen girl: Yeah, I'll talk to you on Facebook.
Man in truck, overhearing: I have Facebook too! Add me!
–Lower East Side
Drunk queers: Jingle bells! Jingle bells! Jingle all the waaay!
Jaded teen, to no one: I’m in hell. This is my hell.
Drunk queers: Oh, what fun it is to ride in a no-horse big subwaaay!
Black queer: Come on! Everybody! Jingle bells! Jingle bells! [Train comes to abrupt stop and all carolers fall over.]Jaded teen: Was that karma? I think that’s karma. Now I’m happy again.
–1 train
Overheard by: Vicksburg
SAT prepping kid #1: What’s hydrolysis?
SAT prepping kid #2: Dude, don’t you play Grand Theft Auto? Hydrolysis is what makes the cars bump up and down.
SAT prepping kid #3: Um…Hydrolysis is the splitting of things in water.
SAT prepping kid #2: Whatever. Same thing.
–2 train near Borough Hall
Overheard by: Everclear
Headline by: Dave Schavone
Runners-Up:
· “Rollin’ in His H20” – JP
· “Another Roads Scholar” – Emily
· “It’s San Andreas’s Fault” – boods
Honorable mentions:
· “Only Aquaman Knows For Sure” – Sara Swank
· “Putting the “Dense” in Reverse Condensation” – Elan
· “The Sad Part Is, They All Got Into Brown” – Betsy
· “They Had Their Ups and Downs, then Splitsville” – Steven Foster
· “He Learns By Osmosis” – melissa coubrough
