Teens

Teen girl #1: Well, what’s more important right now? Going to the movies or getting stoned?
Teen girl #2: God, I don’t know…It’s ten dollars either way.

–Columbus Circle station

Overheard by: djlindee

Black teen: So, what you say your name was?
Hispanic teen: Irving.
Black teen: Irving? How you be Puerto Rican and have a name like ‘Irving’? Hi, my name’s Irving… That’s fucked up.
Hispanic teen: Yeah, Puerto Ricans name their kids some crazy shit.

–4 train

Overheard by: Oy-ving

Headline by: not irving

Runners-Up:
· “Anyway, I Be Seein’ You, LaQuan.” – Mysteron
· “At Least He Can Pronounce His” – Krisztina
· “Because Getting Your Ass Kicked in Elementary School Makes You Stronger” – cda
· “Don’t You Agree, Daquanjalomarterius?” – Karyn
· “Kind Of Like Being Named After the Car You Were Conceived In, Corolla.” – Gunther
· “Yeah, If I Had Your Parents, My Name Would Be Anferny…” – BG

Click here to see the new Headline Contest

Teenybopper #1: Ugh… I hate those overly-proud Hispanics!
Teenybopper #2: They drive me insane! They’re like, ‘Oh my god, Papi, 100 percent Boricua! Holla at me!’
Teenybopper #1: Why can’t they speak good English?
Hispanic woman: I believe you mean to say, ‘Why can’t they speak English well?’
Teen boy: Owned!

–L train

Overheard by: Laughing to myself

Teen girl: If you want to lose weight, watch a lot of porn. I'm serious, if you watch porn, you won't have to eat for hours. Oh, and masturbating burns a lot of calories, too.

–Brooklyn

Very upset drunk hobo, after conductor announces last stop: Your kickin' all these people out to wait for the next train, just so you can jerk off?

–Bowling Green Station

Street dancer: Everyone on earth was born as a result of an orgasm. Everyone masturbates. And if they say they don't, they're lying. Even the Pope masturbates!

–Union Square

Irish dude, throwing tea to the ground: It's not right, man! Asshole masturbated in my tea!

–Outside Starbucks

Teen thug: I wanna pleasure myself while writing an essay, what's the problem with that?

–Q Train

Overheard by: Robert G.

Teen girl #1: So what are you gonna be for Halloween?
Teen girl #2: I dunno, something creative.
Teen girl #1: Yeah, me too. I'm gonna be a cheerleader.

–Dunkin' Donuts, Queens

Teenager: I don't know if I would wear a fur coat, ever.
Friend: I know I would, just as long as it wasn't raccoon…raccoons are just gross.
Hobo with heavy Russian accent: In mother Russia raccoon wear you!

–LIRR

Teen girl: Wow, that’s pretty big.
Teen guy: And it won’t stop growing.
Teen girl: I think you need a doctor.
Teen guy: Oh yeah? What am I supposed to say? “Hey doc, my penis just won’t stop growing”? Yeah, right.
Teen girl: Uh…maybe you shouldn’t say that out loud.

–Penn Station

Overheard by: Missy

Teen boy #1: Change your ringtone! Change it! [Slams table.]Teen boy #2: Don’t you like that song? I love it.
Teen boy #1, to others: His phone rings all day — I’m sick of it. I have to have a new song. He gets that many calls, he should have one song for each girl so I’m entertained!

–Little Italy

Teen boy #1: Yo man, I’m gonna join a gang!
Teen boy #2: Ah, ya? What gang?
Teen boy #1: Aladdin Kings.
Teen boy #3: What the fuck kinda Disney gang is that? Latin Kings, man! Latin Kings!

–A train

Teenage boy: No, man! She like… can't get out of bed, because if she stands up, the baby will like fall out.
Teenage girl: What?

–St. Luke's