Mom: I don’t know why you brought me here. You know there’s nothing here that I can eat.
Chick: What about the steak, Mom? I thought you like steak?
Mom: Goddamn it! You know I forgot my teeth!
–Ruth’s Chris Steak House, W. 51st Street
Mom: I don’t know why you brought me here. You know there’s nothing here that I can eat.
Chick: What about the steak, Mom? I thought you like steak?
Mom: Goddamn it! You know I forgot my teeth!
–Ruth’s Chris Steak House, W. 51st Street
Teen girl: Wow, that’s so sad…
Woman: Yeah, they have no electricity, no water to drink, no food to eat, nothing.
Teen girl: Well, can’t they just boil the water on the ground and drink it? They say the city is flooded with like six feet of water.
Woman: No, honey, that water is way too contaminated to be boiled, and besides that, they don’t have electricity.
Teen girl: Oh that’s so sad. Where is that?
–LaGuardia
Overheard by: Holly Percey
Woman: So, what is it you like about New Orleans?
–Becco, W. 46th Street
Chick: Apparently there will be another September 11th this month.
–65th & Lexington
Girl: Looks like you got a tan this weekend.
Guy: Yeah, I was out on my friend’s boat but we ran out of gas in the harbor so we were out on the water for a while.
Girl: You know, that was one thing I kept thinking about all weekend, how inflated the price of marine diesel fuel must be.
Guy: It wasn’t my boat so I really don’t know.
They get off the elevator.
Human being: You know, the one thing I kept thinking about all weekend was all the fucking dead people.
–Elevator, Madison & 49th
Overheard by: Captain Obvious
Teen boy #1: Hey mami, looking good, shake it!…Yo, you’re all wet, have fun at the pool?
Teen boy #2: Yeah, you know, it was okay.
Teen boy #3: Wait, who are you talking to?
Teen boy #1: The lady!
She bursts out laughing.
The Lady: Morons.
–Astoria Park
Teen girl #1: What a boring summer.
Teen girl #2: Suzy had an abortion.
Teen girl #1: Yeah, she said it was no big deal. They just scooped it out of her.
–Bloomingdale’s, Broadway & Broome
Overheard by: adam
Teen girl #1: Oh my gosh, Brad Pitt is such an idiot.
Teen girl #2: I know, he never should’ve left Jen.
Teen girl #1: No, I mean, can’t he see that the baby is clearly not his?
–Penn Station newsstand
Teen girl #1: What’s the body of water we’re crossing?
Teen girl #2: I think it’s the Long Island Sound.
–X1 bus, Verrazano Bridge
Old Jewess: That Suzanne Somers has some nerve. She is writing another diet book. I have a friend who has read all her diet books and every year she gets fatter and fatter.
–Music Box theatre, West 45th Street
Fratboy: She was like an ugly Paris Hilton, but not rich.
–C train
Overheard by: nicolette
Guy: I’m gonna beat you like an Olsen twin.
–68th & Columbus
Overheard by: Andrew Zar
Teen boy: Yo, I heard that Tupac was named after a Jewish holiday.
–Red Hook
Guy: Yeah, you know, that’s the great thing about the Kennedys: they get $1 off of every bottle of Scotch that they buy. You know, because their dad was a bootlegger and all.
–52 & Lexington
Teen girl #1: He called me a female dog.
Teen girl #2: Oh.
Teen girl #1: Then I set him on fire, and he was like, “Okay.”
–Forest Hills
Teen boy: Yo, I’m here selling candy today. And, no, it’s not what you think. It’s not for no school club or no fundraiser. I’m here selling you candy so that I can stay off the streets and make some money. It keeps me honest.
Woman: Why wouldn’t you lie and say it was for school?
–A train
Overheard by: Keith Layton
Flutetard: Does anyone have any requests?
Teen boy: You know Attack of the Bumblebees?
Flutetard: Uh? Attack of the Bumblebees? Yes. No. You mean Flight of the Bumblebee?
Teen boy: Yeah.
Flutetard: No, I need the sheet music. It’s Russian.
–outside Delacorte Theater, Central Park
Overheard by: Damian Kelly
