Wednesday One-Liners Are the New Black

Guido: I love these jeans. They’re so comfy-womfy.

–R train, Court St

Teen girl: Tissues are so overrated. That’s what long-sleeved shirts are for. That’s why no one wears short-sleeved shirts!

–TGIFriday, 42nd St

Conductor: Down coats are very poofy. Please pull them in from the doors.

–Crowded F train

Overheard by: da sarkastik ninja.

Puking guy, using hat to catch his vomit: I don’t think I’m ever gonna be able to wear this hat again. It was a good hat.

–A train

Overheard by: Joseph

Teen girl, about gift for boyfriend: Can you imagine me getting him a sweater that’s too small and going, ‘Oh, it’s too small? I’ll take it!’

–R train

Chick: She was a tasteful goth… but she was wearing a cape.

–4th & Lafayette

Posted on July 17, 2023
Clothing, Compliments, Conductors, Default, Gifts, Girls, Gripes, Guidos, Guys, Health and Hygiene, On the Subway, Restaurants & Cafes, Teens, The Village, Vomit, Words

My Babies Will Be Ugly on the Inside, Just Like Their Mother

Teen #1: No, like, I feel BAD for ugly babies. It’s not their fault.
Teen #2: I mean, it’s like, oh my God, your little girl is so cute… what, it’s a boy? Oh my God, I am so sorry.
Teen #3: People always thought I was a boy when I was little. It was, like, so weird. Because I was obviously really cute, and I… I still am. Right, ladies?
Teen #1: Um, can you hand me a paper towel?
Teen #2: I have a headache. Ugh. Damn morning-after pill. No ugly babies for me!

–TGI Friday’s, 59th & Lex

Overheard by: not admitting she was in a T.G.I.Fridays

Posted on July 8, 2023
Beauty, Biotechs, Insults, Parents, Stall Spies, Teens

Melonsday Jug-Liners

Middle-aged theatrical man, watching summer crowds: Ah! Manhattan in the summer… The hypnotic sway of the unfettered breast…

–Rockefeller Center

Woman on cell to friend: If I have hips this big and I haven't even had a kid, I'm getting boobs. I just want a nice round c cup!

–14th St & 10th ave

Overheard by: adam

Girl to boyfriend, after putting cell phone in her jacket: Yeah… That's not a pocket, that's my tit.

–L Train

Overheard by: TR

Guy on cell phone: What's up, biscuit-tits?

–21st St & 5th Ave

Overheard by: Steve

16-year-old girl to buxom pal: Your breasts are a personal attack on me!

–F Train

Overheard by: wish i was being attacked

Posted on July 5, 2023
All Wednesday One-Liners, Body Parts, Boob Job, Boyfriends, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Clothing, Friends, Girls, Kids, Men, Murray Hill and Gramercy, Nicknames & name calling, On Cell, On the Subway, One-liners, Paranoia, Pregnancy & Birth Control, Rack, Rockefeller Center, Sensory Experiences, Street, Teens, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Wishes & desires, Women

Thanks for the Gift, Bitch

Teen girl #1: So, my friend’s dad died. I feel like I should send her something — y’know, just to make her feel better. Only I don’t know her so well, so I’m not sure what to get her. Chocolate, maybe?
Teen girl #2: I dunno. Chocolate doesn’t sound like such a good idea. When people are depressed they buy chocolate and eat way too much of it and get really fat.
Teen girl #1: Ummm, I don’t think that’s really true.
Teen girl #2: … I can attest to it.

–Metro-North

Overheard by: sugarnspice

Posted on June 17, 2023
Advice, Gifts, Teens, Trains Not Subway

Lust Is Socially Acceptable, Gluttony Isn’t

Teen girl #1: Mmm, let’s get ice cream!
Teen girl #2: Shut up, fatty!

–86th & Broadway

Overheard by: shanaomi

Posted on June 14, 2023
Insults, Junk Food & Fast Food, Teens, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center

You Keep Using That Word. I Do Not Think It Means What You Think It Means

Teen girl: So, do you love me or what?
Teen guy: Fuck you, fine. I guess I do love you… But I love my girlfriend, too.
Teen girl: What?!
Teen guy: Yeah, but for some reason I love your dumb ass more.
Teen girl: [Swoons.]

–1 train

Posted on June 10, 2023
Love, On the Subway, Teens

Getting Cooler

Teen: Oh my god! You’re sooo cool.
12-year-old ghetto kid, throwing snappers at him: Fuck you, cracka!

–President St, Park Slope

Overheard by: Lucian

Posted on May 16, 2023
Insults, Kids, Park Slope, Teens

Like You Should Talk, Mr. “I Want You to Do Lines with My Ashes”?

Teenage girl: I want to be cremated into a diamond. Or…oh! A pearl!
Boyfriend: What, you want your family to put your ashes in a clam shell and hope for the best? Good luck with that!

–F Train

Overheard by: Should Ride the F More Often

Posted on March 28, 2023
Boyfriends, Death, Family Ties, On the Subway, Teens, Weirdness, Wishes & desires

It’s a ‘Dude’ Nipple

Teen guy #1: I’m totally gonna dump Christine.
Teen guy #2: No way! She’s awesome-hot! What did she do?
Teen guy #1: Yesterday she asked me why chicken breasts don’t have nipples.
Teen guy #2: That’s nothing! Why are you gonna dump her over… Oh… She probably doesn’t know about your dud nipple.
Teen guy #1: Dude! Don’t call it that!

–Lincoln Center

Overheard by: eating

Posted on March 18, 2023
Nipples, Teens, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center

Some People Have Pride in Their Work

Conductor: Dyckman Street’s next.
Teen boy who kicked down the door of the back car and got on the intercom: Yeah, motherfucker! Dyckman Street’s next, nigga!

–1 train near 191st

Overheard by: vegannramember

Posted on March 12, 2023
Conductors, On the Subway, Public Transportation, Teens, Washington Heights and Inwood

Teens