Wednesday One-liners Are Braindead

Chick: The problem with reading is that you can’t do it when you’re fucked up.

–31st & 2nd

Woman on cell: I’m so, like, a vegetarian, for real you know? But only, like, on Wednesdays.

–Williamsburg

Overheard by: Angela

Guy on cell: Dude did so much K that he turned into Terri Schiavo.

–Union Square

Chick: I know this guy who’s perfect for you…he’s a complete idiot.

–Columbia University

Guy: Wow, I didn’t even know things existed here.

–Port Authority, 2nd Floor

Guy: Well at one point he took off his boots, a while later tried to put them back on. I told him that they were the wrong feet. Then he looked at me and said, “No…these are my feet.”

–Hank’s Saloon, Brooklyn Heights

Overheard by: Kimberly Handle

Posted on October 6, 2025
Bars & Clubs, Books & Writing, Brooklyn, Columbia (& Barnard), Hard Drugs, Manhattan, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Murray Hill and Gramercy, On Cell, People, Places, Port Authority, Relationships, Vegetarian & Vegan, Williamsburg

You Said It, Brother

Yuppie #1: She had a great rack.
Yuppie #2: Couldn’t have been real.
Yuppie #1: Yeah, no way.
Yuppie #2: So you’re a rack guy, huh?
Yuppie #1: Nah, I’m an ass.

–18th & 5th

Overheard by: Debl Way

Posted on September 23, 2025
Ass, Boob Job, Manhattan, Murray Hill and Gramercy, People, Places, Plastic Surgery, Private Parts, Rack, Topics, Yuppies

The Flaming Idiocy Surely Contributed

Woman: You know, on 9/11 I was the only person in lower Manhattan who wasn’t coughing and tearing up. My husband, he had a handkerchief over his mouth and all the visine and shit and I was like, “Bring it on! This tastes good!” You know why? ‘Cause I’m a smoker.

–MSG elevator

Posted on September 22, 2025
Health and Hygiene, Idiots, Madison Square Garden, People, Places, Smokers & Smoking, Terrorism, Topics, Venues

“See, I heard they have dropped calls here all the time.”

A suit drops his cell phone on the sidewalk and yells: Fuck!
Tourist dad: Oh my, did you hear what that man said in public?
Tourist mom: And this is the exact reason why I don’t want you to move to New York!

–71st & Amsterdam

Overheard by: Ellen

Posted on September 21, 2025
Ahhh! Real New Yorkers, Anger Management, Cell Phone, Dads, Gadgets, Manhattan, Moms, Parents, People, Places, Suits, Topics, Tourists, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center

Wednesday One-liners for the Red States

Lady: I come here every weekend. It’s my church.

–Manhattan Mall women’s bathroom

Overheard by: Dolly Lowenstein

Guy: She became a Republican to spite our father.

–Whole Foods, Columbus Circle

Woman: I really hate Bush. I can’t stand him. The world would be such a better place if he just died…But then there’s Cheney…

–6 train

Drunk guy: You wait right here, I’m going home to get my gun, I’ll be right back!

–23rd between 8th & 9th

Guy: This is the guy I got arrested with in San Antonio for pissing on the Alamo.

–LES party

Overheard by: Caz

Posted on September 13, 2025
Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Crime and Punishment, Dads, Death, Drinking & Drunk People, Lower East Side, Manhattan, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, On the Subway, One-liners, Parents, People, Places, Politics, President, Religion, Republicans, Retail Therapy, Shopping, Stall Spies, Tourist Attractions, Violence

And By “Tractor” He Means…”Grandma”

Man #1: So what are you going to do this weekend?
Man #2: I thought we could go to my farm and you could ride my tractor.
Man #1: Oh yeah, that sounds great.

–Midtown elevator

Overheard by: Max Seddon

Posted on September 10, 2025
Animals & Nature, Cars and Driving, Elevators, Manhattan, Men, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, People, Places, Topics, Venues

Depends on If She Was Coughing Up Blood

Girl #1: Stop coughing! Who the fuck do you think you are?
Girl #2: John Lennon.
Girl #1: No. You’re not.

–6th Avenue & 11th Street

Posted on August 27, 2025
About Celebrities, Celebrities, Girls, Manhattan, People, Places, Pop Culture, The Village, Topics

Wednesday One-liners are a Special Area

Guy: I got both, bitch! I got a pussy and a dick!

–6th Avenue & 9th Street

Chick: He was my rag guy! What am I going to do now? I’m gonna dry up. If you stick your ear up to my vagina you’re going to hear the fucking desert like it’s a seashell.

–43rd & 5th

Overheard by: James Wilson

Burkha woman: …when you remove a man’s genitals, it’s a sin.

–Port Authority

Guy on cell: I’m busy. I’m getting my dick sucked right now.

–4 train

Overheard by: LatiE

Guy: It wasn’t till I started college that I realized they had botched the circumcision. We had all just flopped them out and I was like, “Dude, what is wrong with yours?”, and they were like, “No man, it’s you, what the fuck happened to you? It looks like the fucking rings of saturn.”

–38th & 3rd

Suit: If you’re a dick you can do anything.

–Maiden Lane & Pearl Street

Overheard by: SKG

Man on cell: So I was trying to take a pee and she kept talking to me, so then my dick got hard and I couldn’t pee.

–25th & 5th

Overheard by: Ian Wheeler-Nicholson

Lady on cell: He’s a hermaphrodite…he was born that way…his grandparents, thats why. Genetic mutations and stuff.

–50th & Madison

Chick: But he has a pierced dick! They don’t sell that shit in stores!

–SI party

Overheard by: Rebecca Dash

Posted on August 14, 2025
All Wednesday One-Liners, BJs, Body Parts, Circumcision, Dildos and Vibrators, Family Ties, Manhattan, Men, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Murray Hill and Gramercy, On Cell, On the Subway, Pee, Penis, People, Places, Port Authority, Private Parts, Sex, Staten Island, The Village, Topics, Union Square and East Village, Vagina, Wall Street, TriBeCa, South Street Seaport, Women

Wednesday One-liners Make the Cut

Woman: This block has the best garbage!

–2nd Avenue & 8th Street

Girl on cell: We’ve already got plans again for this weekend. I’m really excited about this guy; he’s great. He’s really driven, really ready to succeed. He’s a doctor…No, not in real life, on TV.

–57th & Lexington

Overheard by: Heather

White guy: That wasn’t the best day of my life, though. The best day was the day after my birthday when I recoverd my hard drive.

–Astoria party

Overheard by: Noah Starr

Man on cell: I like them shoes with the ruffle. The ones you wore to the Olive Garden that one time.

–Broadway & Prince

Girl: In theory…I was going to end that sentence with, “the dolphins will be OK.”

–7 train

Overheard by: Amado Angel

Lady: Well, he’s an ex-junkie, an alcoholic, mean-tempered, a practicing bisexual, and he has hepatitus C. But he’s a wonderful man and, as guys like that go, he does have great taste in jewelry.

–Midtown office

Posted on August 11, 2025
All Wednesday One-Liners, Animals & Nature, Astoria, Computer, Dorks, Geeks and Nerds, Drinking & Drunk People, Drugs, Fashion, Favorites, Gadgets, Girls, Guys, Health and Hygiene, Illness, Jobs & Careers, Manhattan, Men, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, On Cell, On the Subway, People, Places, Pop Culture, Queens, Restaurants & Cafes, Soho, Topics, TV, Union Square and East Village, White People, Women

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