Woman: So how was the blind date?
Man: Ugh, you know. He’s tall, white, and a vegan. The same as every man in this world.
–Union Square
Overheard by: Mike Drucker
Woman: So how was the blind date?
Man: Ugh, you know. He’s tall, white, and a vegan. The same as every man in this world.
–Union Square
Overheard by: Mike Drucker
Little girl: But I’m not on line for Harry Potter; I want to go to the bathroom!
–Barnes & Noble, Astor Place
Chick: The problem with reading is that you can’t do it when you’re fucked up.
–31st & 2nd
Woman on cell: I’m so, like, a vegetarian, for real you know? But only, like, on Wednesdays.
–Williamsburg
Overheard by: Angela
Guy on cell: Dude did so much K that he turned into Terri Schiavo.
–Union Square
Chick: I know this guy who’s perfect for you…he’s a complete idiot.
–Columbia University
Guy: Wow, I didn’t even know things existed here.
–Port Authority, 2nd Floor
Guy: Well at one point he took off his boots, a while later tried to put them back on. I told him that they were the wrong feet. Then he looked at me and said, “No…these are my feet.”
–Hank’s Saloon, Brooklyn Heights
Overheard by: Kimberly Handle
Yuppie #1: She had a great rack.
Yuppie #2: Couldn’t have been real.
Yuppie #1: Yeah, no way.
Yuppie #2: So you’re a rack guy, huh?
Yuppie #1: Nah, I’m an ass.
–18th & 5th
Overheard by: Debl Way
Woman: You know, on 9/11 I was the only person in lower Manhattan who wasn’t coughing and tearing up. My husband, he had a handkerchief over his mouth and all the visine and shit and I was like, “Bring it on! This tastes good!” You know why? ‘Cause I’m a smoker.
–MSG elevator
A suit drops his cell phone on the sidewalk and yells: Fuck!
Tourist dad: Oh my, did you hear what that man said in public?
Tourist mom: And this is the exact reason why I don’t want you to move to New York!
–71st & Amsterdam
Overheard by: Ellen
Lady: I come here every weekend. It’s my church.
–Manhattan Mall women’s bathroom
Overheard by: Dolly Lowenstein
Guy: She became a Republican to spite our father.
–Whole Foods, Columbus Circle
Woman: I really hate Bush. I can’t stand him. The world would be such a better place if he just died…But then there’s Cheney…
–6 train
Drunk guy: You wait right here, I’m going home to get my gun, I’ll be right back!
–23rd between 8th & 9th
Guy: This is the guy I got arrested with in San Antonio for pissing on the Alamo.
–LES party
Overheard by: Caz
Man #1: So what are you going to do this weekend?
Man #2: I thought we could go to my farm and you could ride my tractor.
Man #1: Oh yeah, that sounds great.
–Midtown elevator
Overheard by: Max Seddon
Girl #1: Stop coughing! Who the fuck do you think you are?
Girl #2: John Lennon.
Girl #1: No. You’re not.
–6th Avenue & 11th Street
Guy: I got both, bitch! I got a pussy and a dick!
–6th Avenue & 9th Street
Chick: He was my rag guy! What am I going to do now? I’m gonna dry up. If you stick your ear up to my vagina you’re going to hear the fucking desert like it’s a seashell.
–43rd & 5th
Overheard by: James Wilson
Burkha woman: …when you remove a man’s genitals, it’s a sin.
–Port Authority
Guy on cell: I’m busy. I’m getting my dick sucked right now.
–4 train
Overheard by: LatiE
Guy: It wasn’t till I started college that I realized they had botched the circumcision. We had all just flopped them out and I was like, “Dude, what is wrong with yours?”, and they were like, “No man, it’s you, what the fuck happened to you? It looks like the fucking rings of saturn.”
–38th & 3rd
Suit: If you’re a dick you can do anything.
–Maiden Lane & Pearl Street
Overheard by: SKG
Man on cell: So I was trying to take a pee and she kept talking to me, so then my dick got hard and I couldn’t pee.
–25th & 5th
Overheard by: Ian Wheeler-Nicholson
Lady on cell: He’s a hermaphrodite…he was born that way…his grandparents, thats why. Genetic mutations and stuff.
–50th & Madison
Chick: But he has a pierced dick! They don’t sell that shit in stores!
–SI party
Overheard by: Rebecca Dash
