Chick to guys loudly singing ‘Total Eclipse of the Heart’ : That song can’t turn you gay!
–Village Halloween Parade
Overheard by: That eavesdropper over there
Chick to guys loudly singing ‘Total Eclipse of the Heart’ : That song can’t turn you gay!
–Village Halloween Parade
Overheard by: That eavesdropper over there
Girl #1: I thought it was gross that he butters his bread on both sides.
Girl #2: Ew! He butters his bread on both sides?
Old woman: Is he married or something? I mean to be that particular…
Girl #3: No, he just wants to be published.
–Shun Lee Palace, East 55th Street
Overheard by: Andrew Saint-John Goodwin
Queer: Want to apologize to everyone who you cut in front of?
Chick: Fuck you!
Queer: Ew! Well anyway, we hope you had a good time in there.
Chick: Fuck all of you!
Queer: You probably took a shit in there, didn’t you? I bet you did! Fat girls are always shitting!
–Slipper Room, Orchard Street
Guido on cell: Yeah, there was bitches dancin’ on the bar and shit…No, no, my fingers is cold…
Bag lady: Fuck your fingers! I ain’t got shoes on, ya dumb twink!
–48th & 8th
Overheard by: Fish the Magish
Dude: What about him?
Chick: “Oh, hell no. I ain’t no fattybanger!
–Union Square station
Overheard by: Sarah Booz
Woman: …Then they gave him enemas until it ran clear. Now he hasn’t had a movement in three days. Should I be worried?
–Subway
Suit: Yeah, I just left a floater in the upstairs bathroom.
–44th & 3rd
Ambiguously gay actor: Flowers come out. Girls do not poop, ever. Ever!
–Tisch School of the Arts, NYU
Overheard by: a girl who poops
Freshman chick: I am so not in the mood to take a shit right now.
–Restroom, Hunter College
Cherubic blonde chick to another: You know that ‘BM’ means poop, right?
–Metropolitan Museum of Art
Suit-in-training: Oh, yeah, I do have to take a shit — I forgot.
–NYU Stern Building
Guy waiting for stall: Let’s go gang, push it out! We gotta go out here!
–Manhattan Mall
Overheard by: KeeZ
Businessguy #1 If I were gay I would change my name to Paul.
Businessguy #2: Why Paul? I would go with something more Latin.
–A train
Overheard by: Cory Agid
Drunk girl: Sometimes, when I look at myself through the microscope of cold, hard objectivity, I think to myself, “God, you are awesome!”
–47th & 9th
Overheard by: Nick Salvato
Conducter. Stand clear of the closing doors… Stand clear everyone… Please stand-a clear of the closing doors…. In the front car, you, with the hat, in or out already!
Queer: I think he means you, Mr. Smelly Homeless Man.
–145th St Station
Overheard by: CI
Queer #1: When is the Puerto Rican Day parade?
Queer #2: Omigod, today!
Queer #1: Hmm. Don’t people get gang-raped at those things?
Queer #2: Maybe, I guess? Let’s go!
–West Side Highway & Jane St
Guy #1: The horse?
Guy #2: SJP.
Guy #1: S…J…
Guy #2: Oh, for God’s sake: Sarah Jessica Parker! Don’t be so innuendo-challenged; nobody will invite you anywhere!
–Bedford & Clymer, Williamsburg
Guy #1: Do you want some of my water? I promise I don’t have cooties.
Guy #2: It’s not your cooties I’m worried about, it’s someone else’s.
Guy #1: No, I didn’t suck his dick.
–F train
Overheard by: Victor Villegas
