Sexuality

Oscar Wilde’s Wednesday One-Liners

Dude: I’d make out with Joshua* for non-gay reasons.

–Forest Ave, Staten Island

Overheard by: lol

Professor: A bar is not always a bar. You walk into a gay bar and you’ll see it’s not your ordinary bar. In ordinary bars men get excited and yell at the television. In gay bars men get excited, yell at each other, and hold hands!

–Freshman writing class, NYU

Overheard by: elle woods-chelseahuckabay

Professional queer to friend: It’s my mission to bring gay to everything, including bullet points.

–Urge, 2nd & 2nd

Overheard by: John

Queer: The Tony Award nominations were announced this morning, and now Jerry Falwell is dead. It’s such a great day to be gay!

–Union Square

Man: Yeah, we had the baby. Then I told her I was gay.

–103rd & Broadway

Overheard by: Kathleen

Thug on cell: The problem is that I have a faggy face! My face is just too faggy!

–42nd, between Broadway & 8th

Overheard by: Kitty

Suit: I love you, man! If I were gay, you’d be the first ass I’d bang.

–Houston & 6th

Overheard by: JEI

Because When I Wasn’t at the Library I Was Having Sex

Girl #1: Again? That’s twice this week.
Girl #2: Yeah, I really think I am a nymphomaniac.

–3rd Ave & 60th St

Psh, Anybody Can Be Gay for Pay

Queer #1: The thing about sexuality is…
Queer #2: No! Were you gay when you were a prostitute?

–3rd St & 7th Ave

Other Passengers: Dammit!

Teenage girl #1: I'm bored.
Teenage girl #2: No, I will not have sex with you now.

–N Train

Overheard by: eri

It Makes It Look Bigger

Girlfriend: So, my Christopher is a little feminine sometimes…
Boyfriend: I spent two hours shaving this morning!
Dude: Yeah, but shaving what, is the question.
Girlfriend: Not that.
Boyfriend: No, that was yesterday.
Dude, disgusted: I was talking about your legs, but thanks…

–Hershey’s store, Times Square

Overheard by: equally disgusted

You’ll Never Be the Man Your Mother Was.

Girlfriend: You could just be gay.
Boyfriend: I don’t want to be gay! I just wanna be a woman.

–Houston & Lafayette

Headline by: Paul S

Runners-Up:

· “‘Cause surgery is easier than coming out” – Becky

· “Be All You Can’t Be” – Mike D

· “Cant have a man-made pussy and eat it, too” – N. Delwood

· “Career day counselors never know what to expect” – peter

· “It’s all pillow fights and boobies ’til you start PMSing.” – mthy

· “Michael Jackson’s Cosmetic Surgery Consultation Gets Hostile” – kane, okc

· “The long-awaited yet unanticipted answer to ‘Tell me what you want, what you really, really want'” – cinekat

· “Transexual does not a homosexual make” – i like men too

· “Vaginas: The Consolation Prize” – sh

· “Your Phantom Limb Will Still Want To Stem The Rose” – elrobinder


Click here to see the new Headline Contest

Wednesday One-Liners Are Just “Sociable”

Drunk gay man: I've slept with more men than my mom has!

–Ave A

Overheard by: Let his own mom win that contest

Woman to man: I don't want to be known as the whore of New Yorkers.

–9th Ave & 44th St

Woman on cell: It's just sex. There's no way you guys can ever be permanently tied, or anything.

–Macy's

Preppy, middle-aged woman, about man on iPhone: Who is that whore?

–Bookstore, Brooklyn

Overheard by: -she probably said

I Need to Leverage Your Sexuality to Explore My Own

Guy: … And you know, I could be, like, the dude that videotapes it.
Chick: I told you already, I don’t even like girls!
Guy: Yeah, well, I’d kind of like it better if you did.

–6th St & 1st Ave

Overheard by: voidoid

But That Gear Shaft Totally Consented

Drunk middle-aged woman #1: Yeah, but I don't think…
Drunk middle-aged woman #2: The cops in the state of New Jersey all have computers in their cars. They pulled him over, and he wasn't even doing anything!
Drunk middle-aged man #1: Well, what did they say to you?
Drunk middle-aged man #2: They said I was driving erotically.

–NJ Transit

Thank God the Wednesday One-Liners’ Strike Is Over

Chick on cell: We can’t let Blair and Tootie control our lives!

–LIRR

Overheard by: Poogins

Homeless crazy black guy to three scared white girls in their twenties: Time is crazy. Oh man, what time is "Desperate Housewives" on?!

–10th Street & 3rd Ave

Large latino: Yo, it was so good last night, I mean I can’t believe you missed it. It was the best episode I’ve seen yet, seriously bro… Well the main thing that happened was Heidi tried to apologize to LC and she was all like: "I wanna forget you!" I was like: "Whaaaaaat? For real?" It was crazy, you gotta catch it!

–Times Square Office Building

Overheard by: SUSAN

Redhead: The "Brady Bunch" world is a world without urges.

–Veniero’s, 11th St between 1st & 2nd

Overheard by: Ursula & Winifred

Muscular guy: He comes up to me talking all this shit, saying that he’ll bring it. Bring what? He’s not gangsta like I am, he ain’t thug like me. Skinny motherfucka looks like a damn burnt-out Screech.

–On the Bus

Fulsome girl with bad dye job: I’m like: "I watch ‘Law and Order: SVU’, I’m not getting in your van."

–15th between 6th and 7th

Overheard by: Disunionsquare

Aries Spears, in line for an Ashlee Simpson autograph: I’m the black guy from MADtv! [Grabs a random girl’s camera and snaps a picture of them together and walks away.]

–Virgin Mobile Mega Store, Times Square

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