Sexuality

Hipster girl #1: He’s, like, gayer than gay. But that’s cool.
Hipster girl #2: Yeah.
Hipster girl #1: I mean, we want him to be gay.
Hipster girl #2: Yeah.

–F train

Overheard by: Jenny

Good looking suit to lunch date: How about this–let's say that you and I are equally attractive. Now let's say that on any given day we each see 1,000 people of the opposite sex (a lot more, obviously, but that's a good number). You, as a woman, could sleep with approximately 850 of them–that 1,000 is discounted by the 100 who are gay (10%, as they say), and the 50 who are faithful to their wives/girlfriends. Now for me–I see 1,000 women, but 850 is way too high a number for me–maybe, if I'm lucky, I could find a few skanks in the group willing to bang a guy they don't know. Aside from that, I'm looking at 2-3 dates, dinners, phone calls, all that shit. That's why it's easier for girls.
Date: Wow.
Good looking suit: It's simple math.
Date: You would only allow 50 faithfuls? Sheesh.
Good looking suit: Men are scum.

–Bryant Park

Overheard by: wedding rings are for sissies

Black bag lady: Oh, look, I like this samurai boy here…
Attractive Asian man, passing: Ah, thank you for getting the cultural reference right!
Black bag lady: You married?
Attractive Asian man, walking away: No, I'm gay!

–Long Island City

Woman: She worked in a lesbian bar… She is not a lesbian.
Man: Well, she should be a lesbian.
Woman: Yes, exactly.

–87th & Lex

Woman: Karen’s gone. She resigned. She’s going to California to be with some boy.
Man: Wow, that’s scary.
Woman: Yeah. Especially since when I first met her she was a lesbian.

–Wagner College, Staten Island

Girl #1: Man, I ain’t know that that girl was gay.
Girl #2: Say what? All those times when we were laying together in the bed with no clothes on?! Man, that’s not happenin’ no more, lesbo!

–N train

Sulky waitress at family restaurant, complaining about management: I could be home right now having a threesome, but Chris won't let me leave.

–Astoria, Queens

Overheard by: Inkling

35-year-old camp Asian man on cell: Yo, girl! (pause) Hell no, I have no idea what shit went down last night. (pause) Oh-em-gee! All I know is I woke up with five guys.

–R Train

Overheard by: Abby and Holly

20-something college boy: I mean, there's no "I" in "threesome."

–Union Square

Guy to his friends: Yeah, I haven't decided what guy I would tag-team a girl with yet.

–Hairy Monk, 25th & 3rd

African American guy to hipster girl: It was the worst orgy I've ever been to. Nothing but kids and clothes everywhere you looked.

–48th St & Broadway

Overheard by: RevLina, The Pain-Proof Girl

Non-puking girl (holding hair of other girl): Are you done yet?
Puking girl: I think so.
Non-puking girl: We should probably get some gum before we go up to those guys' apartment.

–34th & Park Ave

Queer on cell: And then, at the end of the evening, I was like, ‘Ta ta, motherfucker.’

–PATH train from Hoboken

Queer: There’s no such thing as gay and straight. I think of it more in terms of what people will let me do to them.

–101st & Broadway

Queer: She is so annoying. I’m like, ‘I’ll pay for your coffin, just die already!’

–E train

Overheard by: Miss Meliss

Flaming queer on cell: Hello? Are you listening to me? Are you listening, faggot? Faggot, faggot, faggot, faggot!

–Broadway & Astor Pl

Overheard by: Renee B.

Proud queer: Today was the first time in years I peed like this! [Holds hands up] Didn’t have to wash my hands because I didn’t use ’em!

–Fordham University, Lincoln Center

Overheard by: Hametuka

Queer: Her name is Dakota! It’s just awful. Her parents hate her.

–Fordham Law School

Overheard by: emily

Guy #1, shouting: We’re in the Village!
Guy #2: The Village?
Guy #1: We’re in the Village!
Guy #2: Ok… The Village…
Guy #1: So if someone grabs your dick, you know what it means!

–West 4th St Station

Overheard by: DS