Wednesday One-Liners Feel a Lot Better Now

Guy to friends: A girl farted on my head once, and I dated her for three years.

–14th St & 3rd Ave

Overheard by: MC

Woman to friend: And then he farted in my mouth.

–Ding Dong Lounge

Overheard by: Rosalind

Hobo, farting loudly, turning at girl walking behind him: That's for you, you fucking bitch!

–Yellow Line Subway Station

Overheard by: Craigalanche

Latina on cell, firmly: I'm not bi-curious, I'm just fart-curious

–49th & 5th

Overheard by: olga

Crazy hobo: Once, I was eating Cracker Jacks, you know, the one with the prize in it? When I finished the box, I farted in it, then sealed it up again. When I opened it a week later, I got the surprise of my life!

–1 Train

Overheard by: nella

Posted on April 2, 2020
All Wednesday One-Liners, Bars & Clubs, Body Parts, Crazies, Dating, Farting & Burping, Food, Friends, Girls, Guys, Hobos, Insults, Latinos, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, On Cell, On the Subway, One-liners, Sensory Experiences, Sexuality, Street, Stupidity, Subway stations, platforms, etc., Time, Union Square and East Village, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Women

Don't Make Me Do Math, Okay?

Guy #1: Yeah… she's bipolar.
Guy #2: Really? I thought she was straight.

–Spring & Broadway

Overheard by: Kat

Posted on March 30, 2020
Gays and Lesbians, Guys, Psychology, Sexuality, Soho, Stupidity, Words

Like a Celibate Priest With a Huge Dick

Tipsy attractive Asian lesbian to girlfriend: Oh, well. Actually, I just learned how to deep throat in December… Pretty awesome, once you get it down.
Tipsy, equally attractive girlfriend: My last girlfriend said she used to do it, too! Wow, men must hate me.

–Uptown 1 Train

Posted on February 7, 2020
Asians, BJs, Gays and Lesbians, Gender issues, Girlfriends, Gripes, Lesbians, On the Subway, Sexuality

Hillary Swank Gets That a Lot

Guy #1: That wasn't a dude, though.
Guy #2: That wasn't a dude?
Guy #3: That was not a dude.

–A Train

Overheard by: rick

Posted on January 25, 2020
Gender issues, Guys, On the Subway, Sexuality

Wednesday One-Liners Enjoy Team Sports

20-something guy on BlackBerry: No, he's not gay. I was in a fivesome with him, but he's not gay.

–L Train

Girl to gay friend after walking into gay bar: Dude, either find me a straight boy or two Asians that will let me watch.

–NYC

Girl to guy friends: I mean, he's okay he had the threesome–the guy was his best friend!

–8th St & 5th Ave

Angry woman on phone: While you're out having orgies I am doing the real work!

–Victorian Flatbush

Pretentious professor type in academic tone: My ex had unrealistic fantasies. She used to dream about being fucked by God and Satan and the same time. How could I live up to that?

–NYU

Posted on January 9, 2020
All Wednesday One-Liners, Bars & Clubs, Brooklyn, Dreams, Friends, Friendship, Gays and Lesbians, Girls, God, Guys, Jobs & Careers, Kink, NYU, Offers and requests, On Cell, On the Subway, One-liners, Orgy, Promiscuity, Queer guys, Questions, Race, Satan, Sex, Sexuality, Street, Teachers/Professors, Three is Company, Union Square and East Village, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Women

Those Chelsea Boys Always Hit the Gyn

Queer #1: It was about the time when I stopped going to the pediatrician and started going to the–
Queer #2: Gynecologist?

–Pegasus, East 60th Street

Overheard by: Michael Cruz

Posted on November 25, 2019
Bars & Clubs, Health and Hygiene, Queer guys, Sexuality

…And Now I'm Erect.

Hipster #1: I'm not a hipster. I'm a bisexual Jew with a penchant for interning at alternative magazines and weeklies.
Hipster #2: You've got the words “bisexual, Jew, penchant, interning,” and “alternative” in a single sentence. Dude, that is the definition of hipster.

–Think Coffee