Wednesday One-Liners Accept All Seven Genders

Bus driver, to guy entering bus: Sorry, ladies only.

–45th & 5th

Overheard by: Jobee

Tranny: Girl, you gotta keep that penis.

–Midtown

Chick on cell: I like the idea of having a penis.

–Harlem

Overheard by: hott bi luvr

Woman: Unless they’re gay, in which case you should just pretend I said men instead of girls. But it’s all still true.

–47th & 8th

Man on cell: Everyone is asking me if I’m a lesbian this week. What is that about?

–Christopher & Bedford

Overheard by: staso

Woman to co-worker: So he has all girls as daughters.

–225 Broadway, 4th floor

Overheard by: Jennifer

Queer: God, I either need to fuck a boy or a trannie tonight!

–13th & Broadway

Overheard by: liza

Posted on May 22, 2023
All Wednesday One-Liners, God, Harlem & Morningside Heights, Lesbians, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, On Cell, Penis, Queer guys, Relationships, Stupidity, The Village, Trannies

What Mike Myers Has Been Up to Since Shrek II

Drunk guy, in fake Scottish accent: Anyone who doesn’t shut up will feel my cock against their stomach.
Drunk NYU girl #1: What if that’s what we want?!
Drunk NYU girl #2: Is he really Scottish?

–Crocodile Lounge, 14th & 2nd

Overheard by: eri

Posted on March 24, 2023
Drinking & Drunk People, Drunks, Penis, Threats

That Is Happy!

Hobo: Damn, that nigga be happier than a faggot in a bag of dick.

–125th & Lexington

Posted on March 12, 2023
Compare/Contrast, Gays and Lesbians, Hobos, One-liners, Penis, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center

Despite His Promises

Underage chick: No, his dick had not gotten any bigger since the last time I saw him.
Friend: Bummer.

–3 train

Posted on February 21, 2023
Girls, On the Subway, Penis

We Prefer to Think of Wednesday One-Liners as “Found Art”

Girl on cell: So I bought this air conditioner for my living room, and it's entirely too large for me to install by myself, because it weighs 78 lbs. No, seriously, I cannot even get it out of the box. I know–for the time being I'm just referring to it as a Duchamp "readymade." Ew! Don't you call me bohemian!

–19th & 6th

Art professor: You should look at Picasso and Matisse. These people will be more important to you than your family. Cousin Philly. I had a cousin Philly, and I loved him very much. But he's dead now.

–Pratt Institute

Overheard by: traPt

Lawyer to friend, about Vincent van Gogh: You know, I could have gotten him disability.

–Van Gogh Exhibit, MoMA

Woman, discussing gallery: It was all modern stuff–but not, like, the kind of modern art that children can do.

–20th & 5th

Tourist boy: You can see his penis! It's not art if you can see his penis!

–Petrie Court, Metropolitan Museum of Art

Posted on February 10, 2023
All Wednesday One-Liners, Boys, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, College, Compare/Contrast, Death, Family Ties, Friends, Girls, Handicaps, Height, Home, Sweet Home, Kids, Lawyers, MoMA, On Cell, One-liners, Penis, Shopping, Stupidity, Teachers/Professors, The Met, Tourists, Visual Art, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Women

… That Coun’th

Chick #1: I had the best date last night… It was so big.
Chick #2: You don’t even know, girl. It’s not the length, it’s the roun’th.

–L train

Overheard by: Heather

Posted on December 23, 2022
Hootchies, On the Subway, Penis, Stupidity, Words

It's Enough to Have an Albanian Boyfriend Who Beats Me

20-something girl #1, running into friend: Oh hey!! How are you?
20-something girl #2: Doing so well! It's nice to see you…
(they catch up, and five minutes later)
20-something girl #1, changing the subject without warning: Yeah, I know a lot of Johns.
20-something girl #2, shocked: Oh. Hah… damn, girl! It has been a while. What've you been up to that you know a bunch of Johns?
20-something girl #1, after confused pause: Oh… Oh! I mean I know a lot of people named John. I don't… Well… Yeah. I don't do that.
20-something girl #2, laughing: Oh, good! Girl, I was gonna say, “Well, she used to be kind of a slut, but straight-up prostitution is a little out of character.”
20-something girl #1, laughing: I know, right?

–6 Train

Overheard by: …Did you miss that she just called you a slut?

Posted on December 8, 2022
Girls, Laughter, Names, On the Subway, Penis, Promiscuity, Prostitution

Yeah, but I Can’t Remember Who To

Dude #1: So, when did you get married?
Dude #2: I got married four weeks ago, in Vegas!
Dude #1: Really?
Dude #2: Yeah. Apparently Elvis wasn’t wearing any underwear when he married us, and some of the guests saw Little Elvis.
Dude #1: Ugh, bummer, dude! Are you sure you’re really married?

–1 train

Overheard by: LG

Posted on November 27, 2022
Idiots, Marriage, Men, On the Subway, Penis

…And Potentially Fuck You?

Skater: Come on. Hang out.
Murray Hill-looking PR-type chick: Fuck you! You're a fag! You'd rather hang with your loser friends in this fucking rat hole? I would have fucked you, if you just came to Manhattan but…
Skater: C'mon hang. It'll be cool.
Murray Hill-looking PR-type chick: Oh, fuck this. I'm taking this cab. Have fun sucking your buddy's cock, asshole!
Skater, after watching her leave: Fucking bitch! (pauses, then asks perfect stranger) Hey, can I buy a cigarette from you?

–12th St & Bedford

Posted on November 19, 2022
BJs, Brooklyn, Compare/Contrast, Friendship, Gays and Lesbians, Girls, Insults, Penis, Sex, Skaters, Smoking, Strangers

He Should Be Hiring Skywriters

Teen girl: Wow, that’s pretty big.
Teen guy: And it won’t stop growing.
Teen girl: I think you need a doctor.
Teen guy: Oh yeah? What am I supposed to say? “Hey doc, my penis just won’t stop growing”? Yeah, right.
Teen girl: Uh…maybe you shouldn’t say that out loud.

–Penn Station

Overheard by: Missy

Posted on October 2, 2022
Penis, Penn Station, Teens

Penis