Girl #1: I keep getting urinary tract infections.
Girl #2: Well, maybe he has a dirty penis.
Girl #1: No, I wash it for him in the shower.

–Penn Station

Overheard by: Susan

Hipster girl #1: So basically he put his penis in your vagina, but you're too nervous to go on a date with him?
Hipster girl #2: Yep.
Hipster girl #1: Girl, you're fucked in the head.

–1st Ave & 11th St

Drunk black guy, to white couple: She don’t want your small white cock! She wants a big black cock, nine and a half inches!
White girl: Ewww! I hate black wiener.

–Hall & Myrtle, Clinton Hill

Overheard by: Luigi

Woman to man: I know! I don't fry anything. I don't even fry my food anymore.

–47th & 6th

Overheard by: A very disturbed Newsbunny

Old Jewish woman to husband holding restaurant leftovers: It's a sin to waste that food. You could send it to Israel!

–Upper West Side

Overheard by: What a waste!

Preppy guy: At least *I'm* not the one molesting fictional cereal pitchmen.

–Park Slope, Brooklyn

Overheard by: Ladle

Girl on cell, talking loudly: I don't know what I want, but whatever I want, I want French fries with it.

–John St

Preppy girl on cell: Do they study eggs? (pause) Eggs! (pause) Do they study eggs?

–Times Square

Female new student to boyfriend: You have to stop with this whole burrito-is-a-dick thing.

–6th Ave & 13th St

Overheard by: Catie

Drunk: If God didn’t want us to be gay, He wouldn’t have put our g-spot all the way up our ass!

–3rd Ave. between 11th & 12th

Overheard by: Zack

Fratboy: So if I tell her I wanna put my tongue up her ass, you think she’ll relate to me?

–1st Ave. & 10th St.

Overheard by: Sarah T.

Fiancee: OK, fine. You can have strippers at your bachelor party. But if I hear you stuck your dick in some nasty hooker’s ass, I’m never sucking it again.

–Port Authority

Overheard by: Mad William Flint

Woman: Yeah, whatever, Mr. Doesn’t-Know-What-a-Suppository-Is!

–The Angelica, Houston Street

Goombah: Nah, nah, nah…I’d suck a guy’s dick balls deep, but I would never eat a man’s ass. That’s just gay.


Guy #1: Full disclosure: I've got a penis.
Guy #2: Oh… No worries, so do I.

–Launch Party of Transgendered Female-to-Male Magazine (Original Plumbing)

Little Chinese Boy #1: You want to look at your dick.
Little Chinese Boy #2: You want to look at ass.
Little Chinese Boy #1: You want to look at pussy.
Little Chinese Boy #2: You want to look at your balls.
Little Chinese Boy #1: You’re gay.
Little Chinese Boy #2: Faggot.

–W Train

Girl #1: If I was wearing a bikini right now, that’d be hot.
Girl #2: If I had a penis in me right now, that’d be hotter.

–Roseland Ballroom

Overheard by: gunstunna

Cashier #1, holding black deflated balloon-thing: Dis thing don't work, I been blowin' it, but it don't blow.
Cashier #2: It ain't blow? You try to poke it? Wha' happen when you pokin it ?
Cashier #1: I just been tryin' to stick it in, and it ain't work.

–Duane Ready

Overheard by: I Love Duane Reed

Girl #1: You said you wanted to castrate him…
Girl #2, interrupting: And force-feed him his own dick. Yeah. I?m beyond that point now. I still want to castrate him, but I?ll just throw it away.

–Columbia University