Girl #1: Get me something else at the bar?
Girl #2: Why?
Girl #1: I’ve run out of alcohol to go with my champagne.
–Central Park boathouse
Girl #1: Get me something else at the bar?
Girl #2: Why?
Girl #1: I’ve run out of alcohol to go with my champagne.
–Central Park boathouse
Girl: You want a lap dance?
Guy: Huh? Sure, where?
Girl: How about your place?…I’ll give you one for two hundred bucks.
Guy: What? Are you crazy?
Girl: Okay, 50. I’m really a nice girl…I’m just having a hard time paying my bills.
Guy: No, thanks!
Girl: Okay…What would you want for 50 bucks?
Guy: Can I fuck you in the ass?
Girl: What? You’re sick.
Guy: Go home, get some sleep…and go look for a job in the morning.
–Cassidy’s Ale House, Flushing
Overheard by: Stephan
Hobo: You should put your legs together.
Girl: What did you say to me?
Hobo: Close your legs.
Girl: I’m a big girl, they’re as closed as they’re gonna get. It’s called “fat”.
Hobo: I guess you want to air out.
Girl: I guess you want a whiff.
–Bryant Park
Overheard by: Djuna
Drunk fratboy: Damn, you got a sexy walk, girl!…Hey, can I buy you a drink?
Girl: No, thanks anyway.
Drunk fratboy: OK…so, uh…how about I just fuck you in the ass, then?
–Washington Square Park
Drunk: Miss, do you think I could sit next to you for a moment, just a moment, and you could smell me and tell me whether I smell like I’ve been drinking?
Girl: No.
Drunk: Why not?
Girl: Because I don’t want to have to smell anyone.
Drunk: Well fuck you too.
–168th Street station
Guy #1: Man, she’s hot.
Guy #2: But does she need that walker?
–Bensonhurst
Bi guy #1: So do you have a lot of threesomes?
Bi guy #2: My girlfriend likes to see me take it up the ass. She’s weird like that.
–Chelsea taxicab
Teen girl #1: How do you know it’s uncomfortable?
Teen girl #2: Just put something in your ass and walk around with it.
Teen girl #1: In your ass?
Teen girl #2: Well, on your ass.
–Forest Hills
Overheard by: Sara R.
Drunk suit: Can I have a gin and tonic?
Irish barman: Only if you have an enema with you, ’cause I’m going to shove it up your arse when I’m done.
–Nancy Whiskey Pub, Lispenard Street
Drunk Guy #1: You’re gonna charge me a dollar for just one cigarette?
Drunk Guy #2: You think I’m gonna fucking give you change?
–46th St. & 8th Ave.
Overheard by: Ryan
Man on cell: I’m going to buy a pack of cigarettes. I’m dying here, you’re literally killing me.
–3rd Ave. & 12th St.
Overheard by: Este Bagato
Drunk #1: This little guy was almost in the Olympics for me…he was almost the donkey I never had.
Drunk #2: Donkey?
Drunk #1: Yeah, like a horse.
–N train
Smashed guy: Man, I gotta stop drinking. I’m seeing fucking elephants now.
–Elephant Parade, 34th Street
Overheard by: Shirley Grace
Wiseass: Hey PETA! Elephants can’t read your signs!
–Elephant Parade, 34th Street
Overheard by: Shirley Grace
Patron: They know what I am: drunk, gay, and in search of food!…This tastes like cock!
He was later escorted out of the restaurant with his friends.
–Dawat, E. 58th St.
Overheard by: MissHell
Old Drunk: Did you hear about the guy that shot the judge in Atlanta? Well, they caught him. You know how? After he shot the judge, he ran over to Graceland, where Michael Jackson lives, and he shot Michael Jackson in the leg. That is why Michael Jackson is walking around in his pajamas all the time, because his leg hurts and he can’t get dressed.
–N train
Overheard by: AG
