Hobo: You are very beautiful…you look like a movie star. Like Morgan Freeman.
Girl: Huh?
Hobo: Er, no, Morgan…Fairchild. Yeah, Morgan Fairchild.
–Bedford Ave. station
Hobo: You are very beautiful…you look like a movie star. Like Morgan Freeman.
Girl: Huh?
Hobo: Er, no, Morgan…Fairchild. Yeah, Morgan Fairchild.
–Bedford Ave. station
Drunk girl #1: He has such bad hair.
Drunk girl #2: No, you know who has bad hair? Derek Jeter.
Drunk girl #1: Yeah, but he can’t help it. He’s half black… what? He is.
–Queens
Teen #1: No, like, I feel BAD for ugly babies. It’s not their fault.
Teen #2: I mean, it’s like, oh my God, your little girl is so cute… what, it’s a boy? Oh my God, I am so sorry.
Teen #3: People always thought I was a boy when I was little. It was, like, so weird. Because I was obviously really cute, and I… I still am. Right, ladies?
Teen #1: Um, can you hand me a paper towel?
Teen #2: I have a headache. Ugh. Damn morning-after pill. No ugly babies for me!
–TGI Friday’s, 59th & Lex
Overheard by: not admitting she was in a T.G.I.Fridays
Woman: She brought a bottle of vodka on the plane with her. She was doing shots the whole flight.
–Central Park
Overheard by: sarah
Conductor: The next stop is Cherry Hill, but for the men singing, it was alcohol.
–NJ Transit
Overheard by: Date Rape
Smooth operator: Don’t worry, I thought you were pretty before I got drunk.
–Subway
Party girl: Yeah, so I did like 10 shots and woke up the next day wearing only one shoe and a sombrero.
–51st St & Broadway
Hobo: Ladies and gentlemen, I have spent all my money on alcohol and marijuana and drugs… But now, I have learned my lesson. I want to spend all your money on alcohol and marijuana and drugs… and viagra…
–Union Square, uptown 6 train
Guy: Dude, I can’t get that drunk. I am trying to fuck that girl tonight.
–Outside Columbia dorm
Bimbette: Oh my god, it was a terrorist act! I’m going to the wine bar.
–68th St & York
Cute girl about upcoming CAT scan: There’s a part of me that’s actually a little excited… or at least interested, because, you know, it’s a new experience.
Friend: It will be an adventure. A medical adventure. Like House!
Girl: Except the doctor won’t be nearly as sexy as Hugh Laurie.
Friend: But he’ll have a better bedside manner.
Girl: It’d be worth the bedside manner if he were that sexy.
Friend: We’ve gotta stop watching that show. It gives us unrealistic expectations.
Girl: My mind right now is like 45% fear, 25% excitement, 15% rational thought, you know, that it’s probably not cancer, and the rest is Hugh Laurie and Robert Sean Leonard battling for my affections.
Friend: We’ve gotta stop watching that show.
–L Train
Overheard by: Jonah
White trash woman to angry boyfriend: Stop! I'm in my car and I love myself! I love myself! Fuck you if you don't love yourself! Tyra says to love yourself, and I love myself!
–49th & 11th
Conductor: Passengers, as you all know the New Haven line is known as the Love Line, because of our red colors and red schedules. For Valentine's Day why not buy a loved one a ticket? Nothing says "I love you" like a Metro North ticket! Imagine the look on your mother-in-law's face when she opens up her present to find a one way trip to Manhattan!
–Metro North Train
Sorority girl: And this is a list of all the girls who love Jell-o.
–St. John's University
Overheard by: Peter G
Guy on Bluetooth: What did I say? I said I love you and you didn't fucking say anything back. What the fuck am I supposed to do with that?
–Jackson Heights
Excited black guy to friend: Damn! I think I'm in love, she's like the whole package! She's pretty, she's fuckable, and she can cook!
–A Train
Overheard by: Tim
Little boy leaving the church: Bye, Jesus! I love you!
–Riverside Church
Overheard by: Stephanie
Hip student #1: How's Libby?
Hip student #2: She's good. We're getting along really great. We eat dinner together every night. She's really smart and she's so pretty. The only problem is…
Hip student #1: The only problem is what?
Hip student #2: I think I might be allergic to her fur.
–Columbia Campus, Morningside Heights
Overheard by: some girl
Troubled thug: Yeah, for some reason your mom really wants me to hook up with her… But I dunno…
Envious thug: You should, man, she's really attractive! I mean, I know you already got a girlfriend and whatever, but god put you on earth for such a short time…
Troubled thug: Yeah, I dunno…
Envious thug: God, I wish I had your luck with women.
–Subway Sandwich Shop
Overheard by: Are you talking about his mom, or…?
Girl #1: Don’t you like anything about yourself?
Girl #2: I like my abs.
Girl #1: Really?
Girl #2: I guess not.
–Grand Central
Overheard by: Alexis Gratt
Little girl to father, about pedestrian sign: But I don't want to be a pedestrian! I want to be famous!
–17th & Irving
(pedestrians are crossing when they aren't supposed to. One almost gets hit by a taxi)
Female traffic cop to taxi driver: Next time, just go ahead and run them over.
–Columbus Circle
Overheard by: momes
Homeless man directing traffic in middle of street: I killed 20,000 people, I ain't afraid of no car! I killed 20,000 people, I ain't afraid of no car!
–Jerry Orbach St
Gangster walking in front of Range Rover: Fuck it, if I'ma getting hit by a car, I'ma getting hit by a nice car.
–Broadway & Houston
Tourist driving car: I don't give a fuck if you own the world! I'm running your ass over!
–Financial District
Overheard by: lex
