Woman in line at Duane Reade: I drank your water, um, that bottle of bottled water?
Boyfriend: The one with the vodka in it?
Woman: Yeah, and it, um, tasted funny. I had to lie down.
Boyfriend: Are you going to apologize?
Woman: No.
Boyfriend: Are you going to apologize?
Woman: No.
Boyfriend: Are you going to apologize?
Woman: No. You should have come to bed.
Boyfriend: I did. You were asleep.
–59th St & 10th Ave
Overheard by: Tanker
Columbia freshman #1: One time, in high school, I found a bag of peanuts that said ‘May contain peanuts.’
Columbia freshman #2: Why, are you allergic?
–Duane Reade, 111th and Broadway
Overheard by: Fudd
20-something girl, holding SpongeBob Square Pants playing cards: Look at the cards I'm getting!
Friend, shrieking and shaking: But I hate SpongeBob!
Woman, walking by: Why? He's nice.
–Duane Reade
Overheard by: Anna
Teen girl to girl friend: Hey, when are we getting our matching tattoos?
Guy friend to another: She's so serious.
–Duane Reade
Man on cell: It's a swollen, pus-filled sebaceous cyst…
–Nathan's, West 32nd St
Overheard by: SuzeV
Chick leaving Duane Reade (exposing armpit): Air it out baby, air it out!
–Duane Reade, 14th & 1st
Overheard by: Lillian
Guy to friends: I'm just gonna rub my shit all over her face. All over!
–96th and Broadway
Fat girl on cell: Oh my god, seriously. My mom is *so* nasty whenever we go out to eat somewhere. I'm not kidding. Like, she is *never* happy where we get seated, and she's like, "This silverware is smudgy! This glass has grit in it! The lighting is awful! The tectonic plates of this location are shifting, I demand a patio table!" I try to be as nice as I can to the wait staff to make up for her. Seriously. I've seen waiting. Please don't shave your asscrack hair into my food because my mom was a douchenozzle.
–jet blue terminal, jfk
Overheard by: now questioning my pizza ingredients
Girl on cell: Yeah, you pretty much have the same body functions when you're dead as when you're alive. It's gross, but I love it.
–Mercer b/w 3rd & 4th
Overheard by: Threw up in my mouth a little bit
Angry frat boy: Oh, so now I’m the bad guy? Let’s talk about you and your irrational pregnancy!
–Grand Central
Tween to friends: So, do you think I should get an abortion? I mean, I’m not even pregnant!
–TGI Fridays
Overheard by: Sara
Giggling chick: When you get pregnant, the only things that swell are your breasts!
–8th & Broadway
Overheard by: Hannah
Female security guard to friend: I don’t think I’m pregnant. There’s no way I can be pregnant, because I was only having light sex.
–Duane Reade, 23rd & 6th
Overheard by: jmike
Happy lady on cell: Guess what?! I’m pregnant! Yes, with a baby this time!
–96th St station
Overheard by: Kind of Confused
20-something chick: If I get pregnant, I am so suing Fresh Direct.
–Columbia University
Overheard by: Wild Dog Boy
Girl: I’m done with threesomes. Someone always gets hurt. It’s four-gies only from now on.
–Duane Reade, 32nd & Broadway
Overheard by: Jaina Wald
Man on cell: You got the what? The what? So you got the queen-sized bed!! You whore! You whore!
–Wall & Water
Overheard by: Aubrie
Man: Hey, anyone want to go to an orgy?
–Central Park
Loud teen boy: Dad, do we need condoms?
–Pharmacy, 82nd & Columbus
Girl on cell: Well it’s not even like anyone there had any real porn background!
–Union Square
Overheard by: Natalie
Guy on stoop: Dude! I did not give that girl VD.
–22nd & Broadway
Loud female suit: Well, at least he wasn’t sleeping with an intern!
–45th & Lex
Preppy girl on cell: Hey, girly, I got myself two tickets for us to go to the Dominican Republic for next week, and you know what that means: 7 days of Dominican cock. Yum!
–34th St
Overheard by: naidababy
(friend #1 looks into friend #2's Duane Reade bag)
Friend #1: Athlete foot's medicine?
Friend #2: Yeah, it's summer.
Friend #1: No! Just pee on your feet in the shower. I learned that from Madonna!
–Duane Reade, Chelsea
Overheard by: Wil Reyes
Ghetto black lesbian: Look, you are Time Magazine’s Person of the Year.
Jewish lesbian: That is so lame.
Ghetto black lesbian, picking up a card instead: What does ‘shalom’ mean? Does anybody know what ‘shalom’ means?
Jewish lesbian: You are asking the wrong Jew.
Ghetto black lesbian: What kind of Jew are you? What good are you?
–Duane Reade, Broadway & Reade
Overheard by: Just trying to buy some cards
Very happy male suit wearing slippers, shuffling down to the subway: If you can wear slippers in New York, you can wear slippers anywhere.
–2 Train
Overheard by: Lara
Suit on cell: I'm so glad to be in New York, where everyone is so mellow and everyone talks American.
–DiFara Pizzeria
Guy to date: That's what I love about New York–people wear different outfits.
–Outside Deluxe, 113th & Broadway
Overheard by: Ladle
Dad to preteen daughter: See, I really don't have issues with citizens not from New York city.
–Forest Hills
Overheard by: depends on citizens
Woman on cell: I'm in New York, where Sesame Street lives.
–52nd & 7th
Overheard by: AEVRed
Southern lady on cell: I have to say I'm disappointed. I thought the Wal-Mart in New York would be amazing. Ya'll don't even have a Wal-Mart.
–Duane Reade, 34th & 8th
