Coworker #1: It looks like one of your clients is testing positive for gonorrhea or chlamydia.
Coworker #2: Kinky.
–Broadway & Canal
Overheard by: office peon loves her new job
Coworker #1: It looks like one of your clients is testing positive for gonorrhea or chlamydia.
Coworker #2: Kinky.
–Broadway & Canal
Overheard by: office peon loves her new job
Young male suit, about colleague getting married and moving: It’s like she’s taking this huge dive…
Young female suit: Off the high dive, into the shallow end.
–Hanover Square
Overheard by: anonanonanon
One Hispanic lady to another: How you gonna give a kid with stinky feet Botox?
–R Train
Overheard by: Ferna
Smelly granola girl on cell: I dunno, maybe Wilco is too big to have an opening act. The show was, like, two days ago. (stops, sniffs armpit and winces) Fuck, I need a serious shower. I haven’t been home since the show. Doesn’t that suck? When you forget to clean up after a few days? (laughs to herself)
–McCarren Park
Overheard by: AleKatz
Woman on cell: It smells like college!
–BrewFest, South Street Seaport
Office student: It literally smells like my ass.
–CCNY Computer Lab
Girl: Nigga, you smell like the crack in my titties.
–Q Train
Dude on cell: Man, she came six times last night. It was crazy! (pause) We were soaking wet, but I didn’t mind. It was nice to see her enjoying it. (pause) No, it didn’t smell. It didn’t smell like anything.
–Union Square
Overheard by: who are these people?
Pampered Tribeca child #1: Daddy! Please!
Pampered Tribeca child #2: Daddy! Please can we have Mediterranean eggplant for dinner??
Nebbishy Tribeca dad: You know I can’t eat that! It’s a carb!
–7th Ave
Overheard by: Briguy
Girl on cell: You keep talking over me – it makes me want to punch you in the uterus.
–Ray’s Pizza, 52 & 8th
Overheard by: Jarett
Guy to friend: You keep referring to me as “that guy” and we’ll see how long you stay conscious.
–33rd & 7th
Nervous man seated against the wall: I don’t like this seat. I don’t like sitting here. I like to sit on the aisle. What if there’s a fight? I don’t want to be trapped in a place with a fight.
–Off‐Broadway Theatre
Overheard by: Hannah
Ghetto chick: Can’t you get somebody else to fuck him up? Why you gotta do it?
–W Train
Overheard by: sara n.
Man: He was trying to turn his alcoholism into a positive thing instead of attacking the guy who raped his sister.
–The Strand Bookstore
Overheard by: Slightly confused, yet intrigued…
Girl on cell: Remember that time you got into a fight with an inch worm?
–Chambers St
Overheard by: Shooty
Kid to friend: Is your dad in town? I need Ambien CR.
–Saatchi & Saatchi, Hudson St
Overheard by: dlr
Guy on cell: No, they never came. [Pause.] I just never got them! [Pause.] I told you you can’t just send random pills through the mail!
–Strawberry Fields, Central Park
Strung out middle‐aged lesbian: How long does that detox stuff take to work? I need to be clean of the Xanax by my doctor’s appointment next week. He knows I’m on meth, but he can’t find out I’m on Xanax.
–E Train
Worried suit: …But I can’t be on Zoloft, so I don’t know what to do.
–E 14th St
Patient to friend: He asked for an Ensure. He got an Ambien instead.
–NYS Psychiatric Institute
Overheard by: nonrandomerror
Suit: Her meds worked better this audition season ‑you could tell.
–Oriental Garden
Punk guy: I got lost trying to find tomato pie.
–Knitting Factory, Leonard Street
Overheard by: Holly Kaye
Woman #1: It smells like church in here.
Woman #2: It really does!
–Elevator, Varick St
Southern tourist in pink pants: I don’t see anybody else wearing pink pants around here!
–73rd & Broadway
Overheard by: Harriet Vane
Girl on cell, wearing leggings and a t‑shirt: Oh, shit, I forgot to put on pants again.
–Columbia University
Lady in corner stall: Damn, I done sweated through my pants!
–Restroom, 1 Liberty Plaza
Smug girl to gaggle: No, these are my period pants. My mom washed them for me!
–Columbia University
Overheard by: bih.
Thug: I’m the only playa in the hood with his pants on his waist!
–10th & Ave B
Overheard by: Kayla K
Conductor over intercom: Attention, all crew members! Be sure you have your pants! Hey, Larry, you got yo’ pants?
–Penn Station
Overheard by: Geologist
Snooty female 30‐something to friend: Pap‐smears are, to me, the new fake eyelashes.
–Upper East Side
Overheard by: ianbobian
Aggressive New Yorker: So he pulls out his fucking fake‐ass parking pass, and I pull out my gun. And I’m like “you still wanna park here, asshole? Go ahead!”
–60th St & Broadway
Screaming drunk girl to slightly sober guy: If you’re going to be fake to me, at least be fake to my face!
–LIRR
Overheard by: Really!?!?
Girl on cell: Okay, call me when you’re done entertaining the fake Jews.
–Cafe, Church & Walker
Loud woman: No, it was a fake. I’d have to like, sleep with him to get the real one, you know?
–Hester & Mott
Overheard by: Jensel
