Guy: Today’s my anniversary!
Lady suit: Congratulations!
Guy: I’ve been divorced 28 years today. Bitch drove me crazy.
Lady suit: Oh.
–City Hall
Guy: Today’s my anniversary!
Lady suit: Congratulations!
Guy: I’ve been divorced 28 years today. Bitch drove me crazy.
Lady suit: Oh.
–City Hall
Young black guy to another: You know, Obama is to politics what Richard Simmons is to exercise.
–PATH Train
Guy standing outside bar: And she was like, "What, like Gary Coleman?" and I'm like, "No, not like fucking Gary Coleman!"
–4th & 10th
Girl to boyfriend: Well, Tom Green only had one testicle. It's totally fine.
–E 11th St
Overheard by: j
Suit on cell: And I was like, "Fuck you, Ryan Cabrera"!
–Bedford & 6th St
Black girl on cell: I told you, we're like the Paris Hiltons of Liberia.
–Borders, Wall St
Overheard by: step
Guy (after taking picture with Jeremy Piven): Damn! I can't put this on MySpace. I'm wearing the same shirt I wore when I met Chazz Palminteri!
–Outside Barrymore Theatre
Overheard by: Pasta…Salad
Non-smoker to guy offering smokes: No, thanks — I’m trying to quit.
Smoker: What do you do about the cravings?
Non-smoker: Well, when I get a craving I just dip instead.
–Wall St
Overheard by: dakota
Saleswoman to customer on busy day: Some days you really should just stay at home. You’re cranky.
–Macy’s, Herald Square
Loud black lady on cell: Mothafuckah, I ain’t no one-night stand. If you think you can fuckin’ call me at 10:30 to 11:00 at night and fuckin’ pull me out of my home with my kids, then you must think I’m some other… [whispers] bitch.
–Mail room, Financial District
Woman on cell: Good, that way she won’t be able to beat on anyone else’s house guests! Let her sit at home and beat on her own house guests!
–M14 bus
Overheard by: Eyeteeth
Conductor: Jessica! Jessica! Girl, you on this train. Jessica Elizabeth! I’m taking you home, girl.
–6 train
Overheard by: fridaholic
Wall Street suit #1: Dude, in this economy it's our duty to be good advisors to our clients.
Wall Street suit #2, chuckling: Dude, you just said “doodie.”
–Nassau & Liberty
Overheard by: Megz
Older man hugging younger man: Wassup, my nigga?
Younger man: Dad, cut it out. We’re white.
–Leonard & Lafayette St
Overheard by: Big Larry
Lawyer's, interviewing prospective jurors: Have you or anyone in your family been the victim of a crime?
50-something woman: Well, we've all been mugged… is that a crime?
–New York Supreme Court
Overheard by: Robin
11 year-old boy throwing water balloon back and forth: It's like a hymen, perfectly intact after a minor rape! (balloon is thrown to him and bursts all over him) Oh, sweet hymen juices!
–Tompkins Square Park
Eight-year-old boy to another: God, just drink your spit!
–90th St & 2nd Ave
Drunk hobo with hand-down pants: I'm not going to ejaculate! (repeats it over and over)
–D Train
Overheard by: seat changer
Blind woman to blind friend: Sweaty people suck.
–W 23rd Street
Overheard by: Cool and Dry
Little girl: I don't like boys! They're mean and they sweat a lot!
–2nd & Ave A
Young girl to boy: Ewwww, I'm dripping cum!
–Hester & Allen
Overheard by: lower east side
Suit #1: First we’ll get his 40 thousand dollars, then we’ll fire him.
Suit #2: Oooh — okay!
–Tribeca
Overheard by: JEK
Boss guy: I’ll meet you at Seebo at 5:30.
Design guy: Um…I think it’s pronounced “Chee-bo.” C-I-B-O. It’s Italian.
Boss guy: What do I know? I’m a Viking.
–Office, Hanover Square
Overheard by: R.S.
