Bike guy: The light’s red. Move out of the way.
Woman: Fuck you. I don’t care if the light’s purple, bitch. I cross when I want!

–20th & 8th

Guy #1: Dude, are you okay? You look exhausted.
Guy #2: I am. My life is so weird right now.
Guy #1: Still working on the divorce?
Guy #2: That’s pretty much finalized, actually. It’s this girl I started seeing last week.
Guy #1: Wait, you’re dating that hot Russian chick?
Guy #2: Yeah, Svetlana*. She’s a total nympho — I haven’t slept in days. She won’t leave my crotch alone. Plus, whenever we’re going at it she keeps calling me ‘Master.’ It’s fucked up.
Guy #1: You just lost any chance at sympathy, asshole.

–D train

Balloon-Twisting clown: Ha ha! What are you, some kind of fucking gypsy?
Face painter dressed as gypsy: Do you want a fucking cigarette or what?

–Central Park Zoo

Overheard by: I quit, but that juggler looks like he could

Teacher: Does anyone know what ‘condemned’ means? Okay, let me give you an example: The Jews condemned Jesus. [Everyone looks at only Jewish student in class, who then glares at the teacher.] Oh, I’m so sorry!

–Notre Dame Academy, Staten Island

Asian tourist with map out, blocking walking crowd: Excuse me, I’m looking for Houston street…
Suit, with high-pitched sarcasm: Really? [He keeps walking.]

–Houston & Broadway

Overheard by: a

Wheeltard: Round here I’m just an idiot, but not in Brooklyn. I’m king in my neighborhood. When I cross that bridge and they see me comin’, they know I’m king.

–Tompkins Square Park

Overheard by: Alex Romanovich

Girl: I don’t know who she thinks she is, but just because she’s got cancer doesn’t make her Queen Bitch.

–Bleecker & Broadway

Overheard by: Tony

Chick #1: How many colors are in two rainbows?
Chick #2: Shut up, Kimberly!


Overheard by: Clara

Man on cell: I’ve got an idea. How about you go fuck yourself?…Say what? You don’t think so?

Teen girl #1: She just has this sexual vibe about her–
Teen girl #2: No, she doesn’t. She’s fat!

–Park Slope

Overheard by: brownthomas

Jerk: I love making fun of the German. I love making fun of the French, too. I’m an equal opportunity destroyer.

–D Train