Man: Of course you have to pick the row with the cripple. I can’t get up now because I’ll feel bad that she has to use her cane every time!
Woman: Frankly, I didn’t even notice.
Man: Yeah, till you kicked her cane!
–Prospect Park Bandshell
Girl: Excuse me!…Would you guys keep it down? I am trying to listen to the band!
Guy: Oh, I am sorry…Would you mind crossing your legs? I am trying to enjoy the outdoors.
–Prospect Park Bandshell
Woman on cell: Yeah, he told me the next day that he cried himself to sleep. I got so mad. I was like, “I don’t wanna hear that shit!”
–Target, Atlantic Avenue
Overheard by: alex
Chick: Is it really cheating if it only happened once?
–26th & Lexington
Guy on cell: Look, I’m driving so I can’t talk right now, ok? Good-bye…Fucking bitch, never leaves me alone.
–Burger King, Union Turnpike
Overheard by: Megan Cowles
Girl: So are we breakin’ up or what? It’s getting late!
–59th & Lexington
Overheard by: Mike
Guy #1: Holy friggin’ crap dude, do you see the size of that guy over there?
Guy #2: Yeah. You see what he’s eating?
Guy #1: What is that, a salad?
Guy #2: Yeah.
Guy #1: Well hats off to him for at least trying to eat like a normal person.
Guy #2: Are you kidding? Hats off to the goddamn stoolmaker.
–Village Lantern, Bleecker Street
Overheard by: Douglas
Middle-aged woman: Whatever happened to that guy you were in love with?
Young woman: We weren’t in love, just seriously in like.
Middle-aged woman: So, what happened to him?
Young woman: I had him deported.
–64th & Broadway
Guy: So after my reading, one of the actors was being all nice to me, and wanting to hang out, whatever. I thought he was just being friendly, but then I found out from my friend that in acting school they tell you to do that.
Girl: Do what?
Guy: You know, hook up with up and coming playwrights and directors, so you have contacts. Come to think of it, all my actor friends started being nicer to me after my reading. You guys should be sucking up, too.
Girl: I like your hair.
–105th & 5th
Guy #1: Whatever, you could feign interest in this conversation.
Guy #2: I am.
–Broadway & 44th
Overheard by: Matt Kuzelka
Guy #1: What the fuck is it, walk slow day?
Woman: Yes, it’s walk slow day, I’m from New Yo–
Guy #2: Shut the fuck up. I’m from 106 and Lex. I’ll cut you…See, that’s how you gotta do it. The second some crabby lady starts, you just say, “shut the fuck up.” Escalate immediately.
–Spring & Broadway
Boyfriend: Fucking tourists!
Girlfriend: Seriously!
Boyfriend: Let’s go to J&R.
Girlfriend: It’s Saturday.
Boyfriend: Fucking Orthodox!
–Century 21, Cortlandt Street
Overheard by: Joe Baranello
Girl: Why are you making fun of people? Someone as fat as you shouldn’t be runnin’ your mouth to nobody!
Drunk guy: OK, I may be fat but can lose weight. You’ll always be a nigger.
Girl: Ooh, so now you’re stupid and fat? Look drunk-ass, I’m not Black, I’m Dominican!
Drunk guy: Oh my bad, you’re a Spanish-speaking nigger.
–Croxley Ale House, Avenue B
Hobo: Hello, ladies and gentlemen! How are you all today? My name is Sonny Payne–
Teen girl: And you’re just a Payne in the ass!
–F train
Overheard by: Nicole A.
Hobo: Excuse me, ladies and gentlemen–
Woman: Ah God, I can’t take it this early.
–9 train
