Guy #1: Tomorrow is my 10th wedding anniversary.
Guy #2: Oh yeah, what are you going to do?
Guy #1: I’m going to buy a new belt and beat my wife with it.
–Office, 28th & Park
Guy #1: Tomorrow is my 10th wedding anniversary.
Guy #2: Oh yeah, what are you going to do?
Guy #1: I’m going to buy a new belt and beat my wife with it.
–Office, 28th & Park
NYU kid yelling to band from dorm window: Hey! You suck!
Singer at nice event: Uh, this is for charity.
–W 4th & MacDougal
My guy friend and I stopped on the sidewalk to finish up a conversation and say goodbye. A man walks by and gave a hard shoulder nudge to my friend and kept walking.
Guy friend: Yeah, excuse me!
Man: You stopped in the middle of the sidewalk. You can’t stop in the middle of the sidewalk; people need to get by.
An argument ensues, then the man walks away. He changes his mind, walks back and gets within inches of my friend’s face.
Man: I have a cold and I’m going to talk right in your face!
–Broadway & Fulton
Overheard by: Jessie
Stylish 20-something woman to overweight pug breathing heavily: Well, Winifred, you're out of breath because you're out of shape. (pause) No, you're not fat. You're voluminous. (pause) Yes, I am aware it's not all your fault. Mummy likes to watch you eat powder doughnuts. (pause) Pugs that look like they have a coke habit are very funny for mummy, yes they are.
–Central Park
Young hipster to Labrador, as people approach: Come on! Come on! Say hello! (dog remains seated, doing nothing) God! I've been training him for months to talk to couples and it just isn't working!
–Williamsburg
Woman to her dog: Don't be an insult to your species! Act like a dog!
–10th St & Broadway
Lady to little barking dog: Shut up. This is not your sidewalk.
–Brooklyn
Suit: Hey, do you have a light?
Polite Englishman: Sorry, I don’t smoke.
Suit: I asked for a light, not your fucking life story.
–Times Square
Overheard by: English, not polite
Douchebag, pointing to his iTunes: Look see, I listen to classical music too! I have “Greensleeves” by Mozart!
Friend: You spelled “Mozart” “Motzart.”
–8th & University
Guy eating pancakes: Everything's funny in retrospect, like the time I got that screwdriver stuck in my eye.
–IHOP, Brooklyn
Ancient Greek civilization professor: A sexual act, in some sense, for an observer is funny.
–Hunter College
Crazy lady: All the prostitutes need to be rounded up and stuck in churches! (teen girl laughs) You think that's funny? It's not gonna be funny when you are in a hospital addicted to crack!
–Water St & Broad St
Girl to her friend: Wouldn't it be funny if human beings could only walk forward and backwards?
–8th St & 2nd Ave
Lady sitting with girlfriends: It's funny because I'm pregnant, and he doesn't know.
–Starbucks
Drunken Jets fan to friends in Jets jerseys: That's not funny. You want to see something funny? (grabs wooden signpost, slams forehead into it) That's funny!
–W 4th & Barrow
Overheard by: jira monkey
Woman: …you know, he was much darker than the other kids who were really white, so he was called a nigger. He was dyslexic.
Man: Wha?
Woman: But he was a strong boy. One time when he was bitten by a dog, I came in to his room and he was lying there with blood on him. He didn’t scream or say a word…a very strong boy.
Man: What are you talking about?
–Times Square
Guy: I’m a NyLon.
Girl: A what?
Guy: A NyLon. New York-Londoner.
Girl: Oh, well, I’m a NoInt.
Guy: NoInt?
Girl: Yeah, Not Interested.
–Union Square
Overheard by: Lucy Stone
