Not Giving The Elderly Their Medicine Is Better

Nutty Old Bat: 90 bucks for my pills? I don’t have that kind of money with me. You’re going to have to do better than that.
Pharmacist: I’m sorry ma’am, that’s the price and we need your prescription.
Nutty Old Bat: I don’t have my prescription. I’m coming from the emergency room! How much for a pill? I need it. I haven’t had a pill since this morning.
Pharamacist: I can’t get you one pill. I need your prescription. Just get one and come back tomorrow.
Nutty Old Bat: You’re going to have to do better than that.
Pharmacist: I’m sorry ma’am. I can’t help you.
Nutty Old Bat: You’re going to have to do better than that!
Pharmacist: Have a good day ma’am.
Nutty Old Bat: Unbelievable! She doesn’t want to do better than that!

–Bryant Park Duane Reade

Overheard by: Felson Sajonas

Posted on October 4, 2023
Bryant Park, Customers, Drugs, Duane Reade, Illness, Medical Workers, Old People, Shopping

Someone Get This Woman into a Soup Can

Dowager: My god darling! The emotion! I feel naked!

–Jackson Pollock painting, MoMA

Overheard by: Anthony Garmont

Posted on September 7, 2023
Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, MoMA, Old People, One-liners

FYI: They’re Half-price If You Mutilate the Energizer Bunny

Old Man: He tried to sell me 3 batteries for $47.
Old Lady: Who?
Old Man: Satan.
Old Lady: …what size?

–1/9 train

Overheard by: Jeremey Foster

Posted on September 5, 2023
Old People, On the Subway, Satan

My Second Love Was Slavery

Spinster #1: Really reminds you of your first love, doesn’t it?
Spinster #2: Yeah, that and segregation.

—Hairspray matinee

Posted on September 4, 2023
History & Geography, Love, Nostalgia, Old People, Theater, Theater & Dance, Women

Overheard at The Gates

Girl on cell: Like, everything’s orange. It’s so weird.

–The Gates

Sarcastic old man: Oh, excuse me. I’ll move so you can get a picture of this pole. A magnificent work of art!

–The Gates

Posted on August 31, 2023
Arts & Letters, Central Park, Colors, Old People, On Cell, Only in New York, Tourist Attractions

Klingons Are Less Wrinkled

Old man #1: I must have my cloaking device on today! Ha, ha.
Old man #2: Get the fuck out of my way, asshole.
Old man #1: Damn Klingons.

–D’Agostino, Greenwich Street

Overheard by: nick

Posted on August 1, 2023
Anger Management, Fashion, Food, Manhattan, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Nerds, Old People, Pop Culture, Retail Therapy, TV

Sorry, All Sold Out

Old guy: I’d like two tickets to Times Square please.
Booth lady: What?
Old guy: Two for Times Square please!

–Whitehall Street station

Posted on July 31, 2023
Assholes, Men, Old People, Public Transportation, Stupidity, Subway stations, platforms, etc., Talking/Convos

Oh Jeez, Get Ready for a Rant About the Jews

Old black man: Do you believe in black Jesus or white Jesus?
White girl: White Jesus.
Old black man: I knew there was something wrong with you the minute I saw you.

–2 Train

Posted on July 25, 2023
Black People, Girls, Jesus, Old People, On the Subway, Questions, Race, White People

…Though, Personally, I Prefer Darker Meat.

Older Hispanic gay man to guy in Subway sandwich costume: Uh sandwich, be careful someone doesn't eat you, darling.
Passers-by: (laugh)
Older Hispanic gay man: Whaaat? That's what you do to a saaandwich.

–9th & 2nd

Overheard by: eat me

Posted on July 16, 2023
Advice, Clerks, Food, Latinos, Laughter, Old People, Queer guys, Strangers, Union Square and East Village

Oh, Spare Me Your Dismal-Ass Autobiography

Guy to friend, about Grindhouse double-feature: That was fucking awesome.
Old guy in front of them: You didn’t actually like that, did you?
Guy: I did! I thought it was hilarious.
Old guy: Yeah, it was as funny as a dead child’s toy.

–83rd & 2nd

Overheard by: don juan

Posted on June 15, 2023
Comebacks, Compare/Contrast, Compliments, Default, Guys, Old People, Upper East Side

Old People