Boy: Hey Grandma, do you have a map?
Grandma: No, not on me. A map of what?
Boy: Your eyes.
Grandma: My eyes? Why do you want a map of my eyes?
Boy: ’cause I keep getting lost in them.
–M23 bus
Overheard by: jessie
Boy: Hey Grandma, do you have a map?
Grandma: No, not on me. A map of what?
Boy: Your eyes.
Grandma: My eyes? Why do you want a map of my eyes?
Boy: ’cause I keep getting lost in them.
–M23 bus
Overheard by: jessie
Old Italian lady #1: Your cat’s gonna get hit!
Asian Lady: Wha?
Old Italian lady #1: Your cat: it’s in the street! Someone’s gonna run over it!
Asian lady: Huh?
Old Italian lady #1: Your ca–
Old Italian lady #2: She doesn’t care about the cat. Those Orientals, they eat cats.
–Carroll Gardens bodega
Cashier dude: The only credit cards we accept are American Express.
Old guy: Do you take Visa?
–Costco, LI City
A woman with a cart full of baby products is prompted by an old man for her receipt.
Old man: I see you are buying diapers. Any chance you would date an older man and change his diapers? Are you a school teacher?
The woman grabbed her receipt and quickly walked away.
–BJ’s, Gateway Center
Overheard by: Cathleen
Old lady #1: Ugh, look at that! She’s driving an ambulance and she’s on the phone!
Old lady #2: Maybe she’s calling a patient.
–M6 bus
Overheard by: feitclub
Old lady: Your dog is beautiful!
Young lady: Than–
Old lady: It’s terrible what they do to those dogs in China. I won’t even say but it’s awful…Chinese people don’t even deserve to live.
–Sunnyside post office
There is this guy scratching his balls, going deep. A little girl is around him, and two ladies are about to walk by. After observing the ball scratching and the little girl, one lady says: She is going to be scarred for life.
–Park Slope
Overheard by: Tamika J.
Man: Did anyone else notice my mother’s leopard print panties?
–1st Avenue & 10th Street
Girl on cell: Stop stealing Grandma’s condoms, you know she needs them more than you do. Do you want another mother?
–47th & 9th
Mom: Rules are so hard to keep track of and enforce. So I just don’t make any.
–Brooklyn Heights
Mom: Do you know what mental illness is? It’s not fun. You should know.
–F train
Guido on cell: My grandmother tore him a new asshole! You know what she’s like.
–Carroll Gardens
Overheard by: Vic Payback
Mom: Can we please watch the expletives? Did you hear what I said? Can we please watch the expletives?…Can you please stop giving me the finger?
–LIRR
Overheard by: CMichaels
Mom: Get out of the elevator, I want to look at the Marc Jacobs crap.
–Barney’s, Madison Avenue
The train door squeaks constantly.
Fat guy: That’s what it sounds like in my bedroom!
Old lady: Yeah, before you get home from work.
–Metro-North train
Old lady #1: But I thought the Rockettes were at Radio City…?
Old lady #2: They are.
Old lady #1: But the man said this train goes to Rockefeller Center.
Old lady #2: Well, now I’m confused, too.
–F train
