Hobo: What the fuck? Why’s the train so crowded? Used ta be between 9 and 5 the train’d be empty. Don’t anybody fucking have a job anymore?

–N train

Hobo: I had to go all over the goddamn world. Canarsie! Staten Island! Jersey City! Timbuktu!

–65th between 2nd & 3rd

Crazy hobo: I have closed my windows. I have pulled my curtains. I have put up my air conditioner…and now you will lock down block 340 like you will lock down every other block in the city of New York, the state of New York, the state of New Jersey, and to some extent Connecticut, but not all of Connecticut.

–4th Street & 2nd Avenue

Overheard by: Squatporpoise

Drunk hobo: I have a lottery ticket. My father played the lottery every week. Must’ve had about a hundred fucking tickets. What if I find out I won and I’m on the subway? No one’s getting away. I’m taking down everyone’s number. We’re going to dinner. Your family too. No cousins.

–N train

Drunk hobo with megaphone: Don’t ride the trains! Those a-rabs are going to blow this thing up! It’s gonna be bloody! Those a-rabs and the black men from north Africa!

–A train

Old hobo: …and there’s a girl in the well. And he got a dog! You seen dat shit?

–34th & 7th

Overheard by: K-Na

Hobo: I ain’t got no money, but I got the honey, just for the women, not the men. And I ain’t no one minute man, ain’t no three minute man. I’m a one-hour man!

–4 train

Overheard by: eb