Eight-year-old brother speaking to four year old brother in high pitched witches voice: First I’ll burn you to a black crisp in a huge oven, then I’ll start with your flesh…
Four-year-old: What will it taste like?
Eight-year-old brother, without pausing: It will taste like a delicious steak, then I ‘ll eat your teeth and they’ll taste like crackers! But your hair, your hair will be completely burned off.
Four-year-old: [Giggles maniacally.]
–C Train
Overheard by: never having kids
Child #1: Daddy! You’ll fall backwards!
Dad: What?
Child #1: You’ll fall backwards!
Dad: No, I won’t.
Child #2: Or we’ll push you!
–Belvedere Castle
Guy #1: …and then I came in and Anne was watching some gay movie with Keanu Reeves and River Phoenix–
Guy #2: Who’s River Phoenix?
Guy #1: You know, Joaquin Phoenix’s brother.
Guy #2: Joaquin Phoenix has a brother?
Guy #1: I guess…
–A train
Little boy: Arnold Schwarzenegger is the president's bodyguard.
Brother: No, he's not! He's the governor of California, dumbass!
–Washington Square Park
Two male twins, dressed alike, in their 20s, address two female twins, dressed alike, in their 20s.
Male twins: Hey! Are you twins?! You twins?! That’s great! We’re twins too! Hey, we’re twins too!
Female twins: Mmmhmm.
Male twins: You ain’t twins! You lesbians! She look like she wanna get it on with you! You ain’t twins! Hey, I’m just tryin’ ‘a help ya out! You ain’t twins.
Female twins: [silence]
Male twins: I’m just tryin’ a help you out! I have your best interest in mind! You ain’t twins! Look! That one’s that one’s mother!
Female twins: We’re twins. We are the same age.
Male twins: Then how come that one so much older than the other? You ain’t twins! We twins! That’s why we so tall! We the twin towers!
Female twins flee train.
–F train
Older sister leading younger brother to sanctuary rail before mass: Now, you kneel down and you pray. Fold your hands like this (demonstrates) and now we pray. (begins murmuring “Our Father”)
Little brother (eyes sister anxiously, begins softly singing): A, b, c, d, e, f, g, h, i, j, k, l…
Older sister: Are you praying?
–Jerome Ave & Morris Ave
Panhandler: Spare some change? Help a brother out.
Panhandlee: Yeah. Go ask your brother.
–Union Square station
Woman: Where is Georgia anyway?
Her brother: It’s a state.
Woman: I know, but where is it?
Her brother: Down south somewhere.
–Newark Airport
Overheard by: Coffee
Five-year-old boy: When I was three I saw you naked.
15-year-old brother: When I was three you weren't here.
–Pool, Red Hook
Unattended older child, playing with Star Wars toy: Pew, pew, pew! I shot you, you bastard!
Younger brother: Hey, don't talk like that to Star Wars!
–McDonald's, Astoria
Overheard by: Duncan Pflaster
