I’d Give an Arm and a Leg for a Wednesday One-Liner

Young society reject to same: You’re the psycho-freak out! You touch people’s ears at random!

–AMC Theatre at Lincoln Center

Overheard by: G-Lime

A woman to friend: My friend just became a manicurist. She had her first client today and she only has one hand.

–Forham University

Woman almost forgetting her sunglasses: I would lose my ass if it wasn’t attached to my neck!

–A Train

Overheard by: Don

Student: I think the guy selling cell phones on the street made off with my uterus.

–Touro College of Osteopathis, Harlem

Coworker to another: You have thighs now. When you came here, you had no thighs.

–1250 Broadway

Suit #1 to suit #2: He has the feet of a nine-year-old girl!

–44th & Lexington

Posted on July 18, 2022
Age/Aging, All Wednesday One-Liners, Ass, Body Parts, Cell Phone, Compare/Contrast, Coworkers, Disabilities, Fordham, Friends, Harlem & Morningside Heights, Jobs & Careers, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, On the Subway, Students, Suits, The Bronx, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Weirdness, Women

And That’s Why We Have the Rule

Little girl: Can I have a job here?
Clerk: How old are you?
Little girl: Nine.
Clerk: Well, you have to be at least 14 to work at the library.
Little girl: Oh, yeah? Well, you have a big head!

–Queens Library

Posted on June 5, 2022
Age/Aging, Body Parts, Clerks, Insults, Jobs & Careers, Kids, Library

Alfred the Human Polygraph Had Yet to Learn to Control His Power

Chick: You know, even though I'm 22, every time I go out, when I'm home my mom still waits up for me.
Random guy: No, she doesn't.

–6 Train

Posted on April 27, 2022
Age/Aging, Family Ties, Girls, Guys, On the Subway, Weirdness

Let Him Raid My Lost Ark! Enter My Temple Of Doom!

NYU girl #1: What about Harrison Ford? You know, Indiana Jones?
NYU girl #2: Ew! He's like, 80.
NYU girl #1: He's 67, thank you, and I'd wrangle his whip anytime!

–Washington Square

Posted on March 5, 2022
About Celebrities, Age/Aging, Movies, Sex, Sorority Girls, Washington Square Park

We Were Always Jaclyn Smith Men, Ourselves

Queer: She’s very uncomfortable with her face. Well, she is 60. She said to me, “Why can’t I just grow old? Why can’t I just grow old like everyone else?” And I wanted to say, because you’re Farrah Fawcett, that’s why.

–Washington Square Park

Overheard by: Valerie Goodman

Posted on February 20, 2022
About Celebrities, Age/Aging, Queers, Washington Square Park

But There’s a Tag on It That Says ‘Made in Taiwan’

Santa: Merry Christmas, young lady.
60-something woman: I’m old…
Santa: Well, I’m older… Look at my beard!

–Rockefeller Center

Overheard by: IS and JC

Posted on February 10, 2022
Age/Aging, Holidays, Old People, Rockefeller Center

Urge to Talk to You Fading…Fading…

Salesgirl #1: My friend totally looks like George Costanza.
Salesgirl #2: Wow.
Salesgirl #1: Except picture him 20 years younger.
Salesgirl #2: Okay.
Salesgirl #1: Oh, and with hair.
Salesgirl #2: Uh huh.
Salesgirl #1: And his hair is blonde.
Salesgirl #2: Right…

–Rothman's, 17th & PAS

Overheard by: shopper

Posted on December 25, 2021
9 to 5-ers, Age/Aging, Compare/Contrast, Default, Girls, Physical appearance, Pictures, Restaurants & Cafes, Union Square and East Village

Wednesday Flatliners

Dude on cell: Alright, listen up. If the guy gets up and walks away, he's not dead. If you come back and he's still lying there, he's dead, you follow? So, in that situation you are just going to go through the motions like we discussed.

–23th & 7th

Overheard by: mel

Random man on bicycle to doorman: You never know when you're going to eat a bad mushroom and die.

–87th St & York Ave

Overheard by: Critter

Jersey woman, looking at a case with brains that suffered from major stroke: Oh my gawd… They probably died from that!

–Bodies The Exhibition, South St Seaport

Guy shopping in art supply on a cell: So you're banking on dying young, then?

–Art Store, Williamsburg

Spacey old guy to friends, calmly: I want to murder that guy. (even more calmly) I've got bloodlust in my heart.

–9th St b/w 1st & 2nd

Overheard by: JKW