Washington Heights and Inwood

Lady: Can you tell us how to get to Central Park?
Guy: It’s a pretty big park. Do you know where you want to go in Central Park?
Lady: We want to go where the perverts are.

–GWB bus station

Overheard by: dirtylesbian

Eight-year-old son: Dad, I can’t even tell the Ninja Turtles apart! They all look the same, they just have different bandages and stuff.
Dad: Well, do you know their names?
Son: Uhhh… There’s the blue one… Armadillo?

–Washington Heights

Overheard by: hero in a half shell

Young lady: Stupid people have more fun!

–Chrystie & Housten

Overheard by: Probably True…

Middle age woman to young woman pushing stroller: Well, this is a stupid place for a stroller!

–Times Square

Overheard by: Would the street be safer?

Oversized hip-hop boyfriend to undersized girlfriend: I'm being stupid for your benefit.

–Duane Reade

Woman buying ibuprofen: It's not a virus. My mother's got a headache from everyone being stupid.

–Inwood

Overheard by: Rose Fox

Girl smoking on the sidewalk to smoking friend: He's perfect. Except that he's kind of dumb. But he's perfect!

–34th St & Madison Ave

Overheard by: Katface

(a soprano is singing an opera aria in her apartment on the 4th floor)
Random man on street (screaming up to the window): Girl, you're not even gonna sing the high note?! Pussy!
Soprano (screaming out the window): Everyone's a fucking critic!

–Inwood

Creepster: We’ll stick some rutabagas up there and, when we’re done, you’ll be wider than the Lincoln Tunnel.
Chick: Yeah… Wait, what?
Creepster: I don’t know.

–140th & Broadway

Overheard by: Ein Ladle

Film crew: Hey little girl, can you hold on a second? We're shooting a movie.
Little girl: For real? Can I be in it?
Film crew: No, you're not in costume. You'd have to be a gangster from the '20s.
Little girl: I'm gangsta! Look! (shoots him with fake gun)
Film crew: See those actors? They're in the right costume.
Little girl: They look like poor people. Can I say hi to the poor people?
Film crew: Not right now, we're in the middle of shooting, so we have to be quiet.
Little girl, screaming at top of her lungs: You are sick! You're not gonna let a little girl say hi to poor people?
Film crew, under his breath: This kid's going to ruin my life.

–Film Set, 160th St & St Nicholas

Overheard by: Natalie

Employee: Would you like to try a new Portuguese wine?
Customer: I love South American wines!

–Cabrini Wines, Hudson Heights

Girl: He has a really amazing skull.

–Bakery, Cortelyou Road

Guy to friend: Why is that girls can get away with picking their noses?

–170th St & Broadway

Loud girl on cell in line at deli: You know I have bladder issues whenever I have sex!

–Broadway & Ooper

Lady suit, screaming into cell: Colon cleanse! Colon cleanse! Colon cleanse! I need a goddamn colon cleanse!

–Staten Island Ferry

Overheard by: Colin

Chick on cell, not visibly pregnant: I'm having a c-section and a cigarette.

–Simply Natural, 43rd & 10th

Overheard by: Pleased

Recurrent drunkard to bar: I'm not a smoker! I'm a libertarian, for fuck's sake!

–Peter McMannus Pub

LIRR conductor: There will be no pugilism on this train. Additionally, tonight marks the first night of Kwanzaa, and in the spirit of Kwanzaa, I ask you to not smoke on this train. This is the final warning: if you are smoking, you will be ejected at the next convenient stop. Also, no throwing up is allowed on the train. The two places where you may throw up are in the conveniently-located bathrooms, or on yourselves. Again, merry Kwanzaa.

–LIRR

Overheard by: Jenna K

NYU girl: Do you have a cigarette to ease my cough?

–Waverly & Mercer

Chick: Mad Men is like porn for smokers.

–172nd St & Broadway

Overheard by: Ladle

Man to girlfriend: You know, I was never going to tell you this, but I really dislike your mother.

–M08 Bus

20-something girl on cell: Mmm-hmm. Oh, sweetie, I'm sorry he's such a jerk. (pause) Mmm-hmm. (pause, suddenly very angrily) Well, ain't no man allowed to say your mom isn't special!

–207th St & Broadway

Slob college kid: Why would I be staring at your mom's fifty-five-year-old ass, Rachel? No, wait, my mom's fifty-five… Why would I be staring at your mom's fifty-yea-old ass?

–LIRR

Teen girl setting up voicemail on phone: Hey! This is Katy. If you're not my mother, please leave a message.

–Metro-North Rail

Nanny to little boy sticking head under her top: No, no sweetie. See, this is something I would have to tell mommy about.

–42nd St & Lexington

Overheard by: Carolyn