Straight Trippin’

Ho: …no, really. Like, I have really been trying to win his trust back. I’ve been doing everything! I even deleted all my ex-boyfriends’ screen names from all my IM accounts, right in front of him! I don’t know what else I could do to make him trust me again…

–Lehman College

Overheard by: Soro

Hobo #1: Check this out.

He spits something across the car.

Hobo #2: What was that?
Hobo #1: Tooth.
Hobo #2: Nice, nice.

–F train

A junkie hobo walks directly into the store’s window, almost breaking his nose. Seeing this, his homeless buddy responds, rather outraged: Again?!

–Dunkin Donuts, 23rd St. between Broadway & Park

Overheard by: Astrid Vanderpool

Tourist #1: Wait, where are we?
Skater kid: Fuckin’ Earth man, fucking Earth.
Tourist #2: Wait, where?

–Bethesda Fountain, Central Park

Young NYU girl #1: That was the closest thing to getting stoned I've ever done without actually smoking pot.
Young NYU girl #2: Yeah, totes.

–Union Square

Stoner #1 reading Hustler: Hey… Hey, man, check this out — I… like… it… when… my… boyfriend? … And… I… do… it… in… the… Oh, bathroom!
Stoner #2: You alright man?
Stoner #1: I can’t read… or… something.
Stoner #2: I never read Hustler. There’s no point, man. Right?
Stoner #1: I have no idea, but it’s hot.
Stoner #2: You wanna get some weed?
Stoner #1: Is there weed in [reads screen] … Ronkork? Rangenkem? Bombonkama? Uh…
Stoner #2: Ronkonkoma?
Stoner #1: Yeah!

–Penn Station

Spazzed customer: Yo, dude, I need something to help me concentrate. I have to take a really big test and then I can forget it all. I have to take the bar — have you heard of that? It’s for being a lawyer.
Employee: Um, well, we have this herbal product to increase the blood flow to your brain.
Spazzed customer: Can I smoke pot with it?
Employee: Uh, sure.
Spazzed customer: Great. You take credit cards?
Employee: Yeah.
Spazzed customer: Great, thanks [leaves the store without buying anything].

–GNC, Astoria

Man to woman: Well, I've already been in two successful marriages…

–Hudson River Park

Talkative husband to blase wife: We've been married for over a year, who would not like us?

–F Train

Overheard by: Elise

Girl: So, when you say "married," is that like "married-and-just-not-divorced-yet," or like "married-married-and-actually-living-together"?

–6 Train

Woman on cell: Well, it's a good thing you didn't marry Susan's brother, because he ended up losing a testicle.

–DUMBO, Brooklyn

Overheard by: Megan

Woman on cell: Sorry, but if I wanted to be heavily sedated and drunk all day, I'd marry you.

–Columbus Circle

Overheard by: Josh

Guy with eye patch: If a girl eats out your ass on the first date, you marry her!

–77th & 34th

Meth addict #1: So… What kind of work you in?
Young woman, holding up name tag which says ‘social worker’: Social Work.
Meth addict #2: Where do you work?
Young woman: Planned parenthood
Meth addict #1: Shit. Can you find her kid? They got him in foster care.
Young woman: No, sorry. I don’t work for child services. Contact your county officials and explain your situation to them.
Meth addict #2: Yeah I don’t know where he is at. Can you get him?
Young woman: I work at Planned Parenthood. Sorry.
Meth addict #2: Just ’cause you’re pretty you can’t treat people like shit.
Young woman: Just because you do drugs doesn’t mean you shouldn’t brush your teeth.

–Uptown 4 train

Girl: We need to find you a rebound for your rebound.
Guy: Isn’t a rebound rebound just a girlfriend?
Girl: Whoa.
Guy: Sorry, I didn’t mean to freak you out with my existentialism. You are high, after all. [Girl is silent.] Bright colors! Wavy things!

–7th & 3rd

Construction worker #1: We gotta go to this club I heard about. All the girls are on ecstasy.
Construction worker #2: Perfect!

–42nd & Broadway

Overheard by: las