New Yorkers: As Seen on TV

Woman #1: Excuse me, does the N train stop at Central Park?
Woman #2: Lady, go ask a fucking crystal ball, or learn how to read a damn subway map.

–Union Square station

Overheard by: Craig D

A truck driver is parked on the side of the road, honking at what appears to be nothing at all. A female pedestrian shoots him a dirty look.

Truck driver: Nobody’s honking at you, you dumb bitch!

–Bay Ridge

Tourist: Which way is the Empire State Building?
Newspaper vendor: What do I look like, a fuckin’ road map?

–outside Grand Central

Overheard by: Dork

A trendy guy walked out into oncoming traffic, forcing an SUV to slam on the brakes. The driver screamed out of his open window: The hell you think you are, my hood ornament?

–40th & 7th

Posted on September 29, 2024
Advice, Cars and Driving, Directions, Insults, NYC Geography, Only in New York, Psychic, Public Transportation, Questions, Violence, Wednesday One-Liners, Wednesday One-Liners Vary

But at Least It’ll Be a Quick End!

Conductor: Ladies and gentlemen, due to backups on the F, this train is going to make express stops only at Delancey Street all the way to Brooklyn. Passengers who would like to get off at 2nd Avenue and East Broadway please get off the train and take the next train right behind us.
Sephora shopping bags woman: Right behind us, my ass! We’re all gonna die!

–F train

Overheard by: Alex Wipf

Posted on November 14, 2023
Conductors, On the Bus, Public Transportation, Women

Whorish Wednesday One-liners

Girl on cell: …and it was right after he said that that I started doing double penetration, and I’ve never looked back.

–C train

Overheard by: Mickey Marx

Conductor: Ladies and gentlemen, this is the B train. B like, like, like, um, brothel.

–B train

Overheard by: ed

Posted on September 25, 2023
All Wednesday One-Liners, Backdoor, On the Subway, Prostitution, Public Transportation, Wednesday One-Liners Vary

There Goes the Neighborhood

Local guy: Man, wake up, you look like you from Wall Street.
Awakened yuppie: Yeah, something like that.
Local guy: Well, you in the hood now! You better get on that [train across the platform] right away!

–New Lots Avenue station

Overheard by: Satoru Ogawa

Posted on September 3, 2023
Advice, Guys, Nice People, NYC Geography, Public Transportation, Subway stations, platforms, etc., Yuppies

The Homeless Are Getting WASPier

Teenage Girl #1: How much longer?
Teenage Girl #2: I think 3 more stops, then we get the L train.
Teenage Girl #1: You kidding me? It’s taking forever, I feel like we’re in Connecticut!

–C train

Posted on August 17, 2023
NYC Geography, On the Subway, Public Transportation, Questions, Teens, U.S. Geography

Sorry, All Sold Out

Old guy: I’d like two tickets to Times Square please.
Booth lady: What?
Old guy: Two for Times Square please!

–Whitehall Street station

Posted on July 31, 2023
Assholes, Men, Old People, Public Transportation, Stupidity, Subway stations, platforms, etc., Talking/Convos

It’s Part of the Elementary School Curriculum Here in New York

Drunken friend #1: That guy at the bar was hot. You totally should’ve taken him home.
Drunken friend #2: Why me? Let her (points to drunken friend #3) take him home.
Drunken friend #3 (trying to be discreet): Ummmm excuse me? I don’t need a man. I have d-i-c-k at home.
Drunken friend #2: Uhh, the rest of the train can figure out what you just spelled.

–Crowded 6 Train

Overheard by: ear hustler

Posted on July 31, 2023
Advice, Compare/Contrast, Compliments, Default, Drunks, Etiquette, Friends, On the Subway, Penis, Public Transportation, Sexuality, Wishes & desires, Words

Wednesday One-Liners Rail Against Fate

Conductor: This is the last train. You have no other options, this is it. Get on this train.

–Metro North Rail

Conductor: Ladies and gentlemen, please keep your feet off the seats on this train. They belong on the floor; that's why it's there. If you can't put your feet on the floor because your luggage is there, don't worry: we took care of that too. Look up. That thing above your head is a luggage rack.

–NJ Transit, Penn Station

Announcement on NJ transit train: If you have young children, please take them…by the hand when leaving the train.

–Penn Station

Overheard by: JerseyJR

Train conductor: This is 18th Street, if this is your stop…get up! Give up that seat!

–1 Train

Overheard by: Chris K… at 11pm

Amtrak conductor: We are experiencing engine problems and need to change trains. But I want you to know that we have lost no altitude.

–Amtrak Train

Conductor, philosophical about delayed train: We don't usually have this type of delay at this time of day. But, well, here we are… (train starts to move) Aha! Here it is!

–A Train

Overheard by: Katie J

Conductor: Ladies and gentlemen, do you know where you are? (passengers are silent) I do! Hudson, next stop.

–Amtrak Train, Leaving Penn Station

Posted on July 23, 2023
Advice, All Wednesday One-Liners, Body Parts, Conductors, Directions, Kids, On the Subway, One-liners, Passengers, Penn Station, Public Transportation, Questions, Time, Train Station, Trains Not Subway, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Wishes & desires

The Pretty-Girl Entitlement Statute Begins to Wane in Influence

(three men hail a taxi and get in)
Girl: Hey, I was over there waiting for a long time. May I have your cab?
Guy #1: Are you serious?
Girl: Yes, I was on the other corner, waiting.
Guy #2 (laughing in her face): Are you fucking serious, lady?
Girl: Buy I was on the other corner waiting for a long time.
Guy #3: Oh, well! You were on the other corner, kiddo. Get more aggressive.
Girl: But guys… I was waiting…
Guy #1 (as taxi leaves): Courtesy, bitch.

–14th & 2nd

Overheard by: Luke

Posted on June 27, 2023
Advice, Default, Etiquette, Girls, Insults, Offers and requests, Only in New York, Public Transportation, Questions, Union Square and East Village

Public Transportation