Weirdness

Wednesday One‐Liners for Vanessa Hudgens

Girl on phone: Well then, riddle me this, smart guy: why’d I wake up naked?

–Smith & Sackett, Cobble Hill

Overheard by: Swimfan

Girl: Oh my god! I can’t wait to see them naked!

–Elevator, Times Square Arts Center

Overheard by: Natalie

Museum worker: And then I woke up buck naked in a hotel, and there were pictures of me all over the room.

–Museum of Art and Design

Guy: No, I will not do it in here again. Just because I’m wearing nothing under my jacket, doesn’t mean I’m going to flash a crowd of people in every store we enter. I’ve done it three times already. Get your rocks off some other way.

–Columbus Circle Mall Escalator

Overheard by: Martin

Drunk girl at NYU protest: I don’t even know why I’m here, I just want to take off my clothes!

–NYU Kimmel Center

Overheard by: Lilo

Girl on train: Oh, hi! I didn’t recognize you with your clothes on.

–A Train

Overheard by: Don’t even wanna know

Girl on cell: So I’m gonna be naked, but that’s okay, I’ll be wearing rollerblades.

–N 4th & Bedford Ave

It’s a Tortoise, but Whatever

Girl: I thought it was gonna be like a tiny thing!
Guy, freaking out: Why do you have a huge ass turtle?!

–Canal & Mott

When Did Natural Selection Fall Out Of Favor?

Train conductor: Ladies and gentlemen,that yellow line on the platform is there for your safety. Please stand behind it when the train enters the station, for your safety and for my stress level. Thank you.
(next stop)
Train conductor: Ladies and gentlemen, I hate to repeat myself, but stand behind the line! It is for your own safety! Your ignorance causes the trains to run slowly because I have to slow down to keep from hitting your ignorant self! Thank you. Stand clear of the closing doors.

–Downtown 6 Train

Overheard by: Always stands behind the yellow line

These Wednesday One‐Liners May Be Difficult to Swallow.

30‐something on cell: What can I say, the only thing that I can commit to is Percocet.

–63rd & Amsterdam Ave

Suit: Yeah, I didn’t even take any Adderall this morning, and I feel fine!

–Wall Street

Girl, casually: I took a few too many Xanax earlier and now I feel like I’m driving my body…

–Cooper Union Foundation Building

Girl on phone: Fine, sniff your lavender, but I still think pills are better.

–52nd & 10th

Overheard by: krysta

We Prefer to Think of Wednesday One‐Liners as “Found Art”

Girl on cell: So I bought this air conditioner for my living room, and it’s entirely too large for me to install by myself, because it weighs 78 lbs. No, seriously, I cannot even get it out of the box. I know – for the time being I’m just referring to it as a Duchamp “readymade.” Ew! Don’t you call me bohemian!

–19th & 6th

Art professor: You should look at Picasso and Matisse. These people will be more important to you than your family. Cousin Philly. I had a cousin Philly, and I loved him very much. But he’s dead now.

–Pratt Institute

Overheard by: traPt

Lawyer to friend, about Vincent van Gogh: You know, I could have gotten him disability.

–Van Gogh Exhibit, MoMA

Woman, discussing gallery: It was all modern stuff – but not, like, the kind of modern art that children can do.

–20th & 5th

Tourist boy: You can see his penis! It’s not art if you can see his penis!

–Petrie Court, Metropolitan Museum of Art

One Liners from the Legitimate Wednesday

Student, about her play: I want the audience to enter through the vagina before they sit down.

–NYU

Guy to younger girl, at intermission of Spring Awakening, right after sex scene: So you had to choose this? We couldn’t have gone to see The Little Mermaid?

–Eugene O’Neill Theatre

College student: …exactly how you’d expect a college rendition of The Vagina Monologues to go.

–NYU

Black guy on cell: It doesn’t mean I’m gay because I’m going to see a play. (pause) It’s for a class… There’s nothing wrong with wanting to see a play.

–Union Square

Overheard by: erkala

20‐something guy to friend: Picture it; Fishsticks: the musicical!

–63rd St & Broadway

Deli Fun

Lady: Let me get a half pound of ham, sliced thin,
Deli guy: Is this thin enough?
Lady: Yeah, so long as I can watch TV through it.

–Bensonhurst

At Least He’s Stopped Thinking It’s Another Room

Gangsta Chick: Oh my god, guys, look at him!
Guy #1: What?
Guy #2: What’s he doing with your mirror?
Stoned Guy: I’m on tv! (manic laugh)

–B64 Bus

Overheard by: Ben

Wednesday One‐Liners Tartare

Waspy girl to gaggle of friends: You know, medium‐rare is, like, totally the new medium. You know what I mean? (friends stare blankly) No, I guess you wouldn’t.

–6 Train

Overheard by: I Like Mine Bleeding

B&T CSR: Pork killed my father.

–80 Pine St

Overheard by: It’s me

Stroller‐pushing mom to friend: I gotta do something about her leg! It looks like freeze‐dried meat.

–DeKalb & Washington, Brooklyn

Overheard by: Morning Glory

NYU girl to friend: My hair smells like meat.

–NYU Kimmel Center

Overheard by: evanescent

Girl to friend: This is my pi system: it’s like a sausage.

–NYU Classroom

Man to can of corned beef: God, you understand me so well.

–Duane Reade

Overheard by: Murphy

Wednesday One‐Liners Say “Toro, Toro, Taxi!”

Little girl to father, about pedestrian sign: But I don’t want to be a pedestrian! I want to be famous!

–17th & Irving

(pedestrians are crossing when they aren’t supposed to. One almost gets hit by a taxi)
Female traffic cop to taxi driver: Next time, just go ahead and run them over.

–Columbus Circle

Overheard by: momes

Homeless man directing traffic in middle of street: I killed 20,000 people, I ain’t afraid of no car! I killed 20,000 people, I ain’t afraid of no car!

–Jerry Orbach St

Gangster walking in front of Range Rover: Fuck it, if I’ma getting hit by a car, I’ma getting hit by a nice car.

–Broadway & Houston

Tourist driving car: I don’t give a fuck if you own the world! I’m running your ass over!

–Financial District

Overheard by: lex

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