Girl: I thought it was gonna be like a tiny thing!
Guy, freaking out: Why do you have a huge ass turtle?!
–Canal & Mott
Girl: I thought it was gonna be like a tiny thing!
Guy, freaking out: Why do you have a huge ass turtle?!
–Canal & Mott
Train conductor: Ladies and gentlemen,that yellow line on the platform is there for your safety. Please stand behind it when the train enters the station, for your safety and for my stress level. Thank you.
(next stop)
Train conductor: Ladies and gentlemen, I hate to repeat myself, but stand behind the line! It is for your own safety! Your ignorance causes the trains to run slowly because I have to slow down to keep from hitting your ignorant self! Thank you. Stand clear of the closing doors.
–Downtown 6 Train
Overheard by: Always stands behind the yellow line
30‐something on cell: What can I say, the only thing that I can commit to is Percocet.
–63rd & Amsterdam Ave
Suit: Yeah, I didn’t even take any Adderall this morning, and I feel fine!
–Wall Street
Girl, casually: I took a few too many Xanax earlier and now I feel like I’m driving my body…
–Cooper Union Foundation Building
Girl on phone: Fine, sniff your lavender, but I still think pills are better.
–52nd & 10th
Overheard by: krysta
Girl on cell: So I bought this air conditioner for my living room, and it’s entirely too large for me to install by myself, because it weighs 78 lbs. No, seriously, I cannot even get it out of the box. I know – for the time being I’m just referring to it as a Duchamp “readymade.” Ew! Don’t you call me bohemian!
–19th & 6th
Art professor: You should look at Picasso and Matisse. These people will be more important to you than your family. Cousin Philly. I had a cousin Philly, and I loved him very much. But he’s dead now.
–Pratt Institute
Overheard by: traPt
Lawyer to friend, about Vincent van Gogh: You know, I could have gotten him disability.
–Van Gogh Exhibit, MoMA
Woman, discussing gallery: It was all modern stuff – but not, like, the kind of modern art that children can do.
–20th & 5th
Tourist boy: You can see his penis! It’s not art if you can see his penis!
–Petrie Court, Metropolitan Museum of Art
Student, about her play: I want the audience to enter through the vagina before they sit down.
–NYU
Guy to younger girl, at intermission of Spring Awakening, right after sex scene: So you had to choose this? We couldn’t have gone to see The Little Mermaid?
–Eugene O’Neill Theatre
College student: …exactly how you’d expect a college rendition of The Vagina Monologues to go.
–NYU
Black guy on cell: It doesn’t mean I’m gay because I’m going to see a play. (pause) It’s for a class… There’s nothing wrong with wanting to see a play.
–Union Square
Overheard by: erkala
20‐something guy to friend: Picture it; Fishsticks: the musicical!
–63rd St & Broadway
Lady: Let me get a half pound of ham, sliced thin,
Deli guy: Is this thin enough?
Lady: Yeah, so long as I can watch TV through it.
–Bensonhurst
Gangsta Chick: Oh my god, guys, look at him!
Guy #1: What?
Guy #2: What’s he doing with your mirror?
Stoned Guy: I’m on tv! (manic laugh)
–B64 Bus
Overheard by: Ben
Waspy girl to gaggle of friends: You know, medium‐rare is, like, totally the new medium. You know what I mean? (friends stare blankly) No, I guess you wouldn’t.
–6 Train
Overheard by: I Like Mine Bleeding
B&T CSR: Pork killed my father.
–80 Pine St
Overheard by: It’s me
Stroller‐pushing mom to friend: I gotta do something about her leg! It looks like freeze‐dried meat.
–DeKalb & Washington, Brooklyn
Overheard by: Morning Glory
NYU girl to friend: My hair smells like meat.
–NYU Kimmel Center
Overheard by: evanescent
Girl to friend: This is my pi system: it’s like a sausage.
–NYU Classroom
Man to can of corned beef: God, you understand me so well.
–Duane Reade
Overheard by: Murphy
Little girl to father, about pedestrian sign: But I don’t want to be a pedestrian! I want to be famous!
–17th & Irving
(pedestrians are crossing when they aren’t supposed to. One almost gets hit by a taxi)
Female traffic cop to taxi driver: Next time, just go ahead and run them over.
–Columbus Circle
Overheard by: momes
Homeless man directing traffic in middle of street: I killed 20,000 people, I ain’t afraid of no car! I killed 20,000 people, I ain’t afraid of no car!
–Jerry Orbach St
Gangster walking in front of Range Rover: Fuck it, if I’ma getting hit by a car, I’ma getting hit by a nice car.
–Broadway & Houston
Tourist driving car: I don’t give a fuck if you own the world! I’m running your ass over!
–Financial District
Overheard by: lex
Chick: Was she a gymnast, or a feminist?
–Café, 113th & Amsterdam
Overheard by: Ladle
Anthropology professor: Everyone’s a misogynist. Women attend seminars, “seminar” comes from the word “semen,” which comes from the Latin for “a unit of knowledge.” And this, my friends, is how women get smart.
–Classroom, NYU
Overheard by: thats how I got into NYU
Rambling man: Nobody’s gonna be in charge anymore! (pause) Except the ladies.
–Rivington & Forsyth
