Wednesday One-Liners, from the Redwood Forest to the Gulf Stream Waters

Very heavy ten-year-old boy, yelling excitedly: I heard they have bacon flavored popcorn in Florida! I love the south!

–Flushing, Queens

Hipster girl on cell: The entire state of Mississippi isn't a complete waste of space, even though it seems like it right now.

–Atlantic & Smith, Brooklyn Heights

Wino, grabbing can of beer: Here's 15 cents. I'll get the rest of it for you today. I promise! I'm from Georgia, I know how this shit works!

–Deli at 33rd & 7th

Overheard by: EthanK

Loud girl to friend: Maria? Maria's not dead, Maria's in Virginia?

–BxM10 Bus

Overheard by: bxgirl

Girl to boyfriend: I mean, when someone says they're throwing an "Iowa State Fair"-themed wedding, you don't think twice about going!

–30th Ave, Astoria

Posted on September 10, 2017
All Wednesday One-Liners, Astoria, Boyfriends, Brooklyn, Bus, Celebrations/Parties, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Death, Delis, Drinking & Drunk People, Drunks, Food, Friends, Girls, Hipsters, Kids, Marriage, Money & Class, On Cell, On the Bus, One-liners, Queens, Questions, Street, Stupidity, U.S. Geography, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness

Sven Is Learning English in Fits and Starts

Professor, musing: I wonder what I'm going to do this weekend…
Student in lecture: Party!
Professor: Barbecue?
Student: No, party!
Professor: I think I'm a bit old for that.
Student: Party!

–NYU

Overheard by: Spazz

Posted on March 17, 2016
Age/Aging, Celebrations/Parties, NYU, School and studying, Students, Teachers/Professors

I Had Visions of Sugarplums

Cute girl #1: I kissed Santa!
Cute girl #2: I just grabbed his balls!

–Viacom holiday party, 34th St

Posted on December 28, 2015
Balls, Bimbettes, Celebrations/Parties, K-I-S-S-I-N-G, Murray Hill and Gramercy

Hillary Knows How To Host a Re-election Party

Girl #1: Remember at that party when that stripper picked up a dollar bill with her pussy lips?
Girl #2: Ohhh, yeah — that wasn’t a stripper. That was a full-on whore.

–77th & 1st

Overheard by: mjg

Headline by: clink

Runners-Up:
· “… and It Wasn’t a Dollar Bill. That Was a Full-on Penis” – Caro
· “America DOES Have Talent” – Staci Lynn
· “Because I Saw That Thing Give Change” – nicky c.
· “But We Call Her Aunt Gladys” – Mark Paul
· “I Was Just Shocked She Did It through Her Jeans.” – SAtCW
· “Kind Of Like the Difference Between Maury Povich and Springer” – alana landa

Click here to see the new Headline Contest

Posted on December 8, 2015
Celebrations/Parties, Friends, Headline Contest Winners, Jobs & Careers, Money & Class, Prostitution, Strippers, Upper East Side, Vagina

The Greatest Bronx Tale Ever Told

Physician #1: Hey, if you want, there’s gonna be a meeting on the night of the 16th.
Physician #2: I can’t. I’ll be in the Holy Land that week.
Physician #1: You’re gonna be in the Bronx?

–North Shore Hospital

Overheard by: Nik G

Posted on December 3, 2015
Celebrations/Parties, Coworkers, Doctors, Hospitals, Idiots, NYC Geography, Stupidity, Talking/Convos, Time, White People

I Like to Braid It Using Only My Tongue

Woman with strong Southern accent: I am gonna have her bachelorette party in my apartment next weekend.
Husband: (nods)
Woman: But the goddamn stripper won't return my phone calls.
(waitress brings shots)
Woman: What is this?
Waitress: Tequila, on us.
Woman: This'll put hair on my boobies.
Husband's friends: That's just how he likes it.
Husband: (nods)

–Brother Jimmy's BBQ, Upper West Side

Posted on November 29, 2015
Celebrations/Parties, Couples, Drinking & Drunk People, Friends, Hair, Rack, Restaurants & Cafes, Southerners, Strippers, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Weirdness

You're on a Roll Today, Amber.

Teen girl to friend: We should, like, totally go out after this.
Friend: But we're not slutty enough to go to a bar.
Teen girl: Ooh! How about a sushi restaurant?

–LIRR

Overheard by: slut for sushi

Posted on November 27, 2015
Celebrations/Parties, Compare/Contrast, Ethnic Food, Friends, Girls, Offers and requests, Teens, Trains Not Subway

Wednesday One-Liners: “Toga! Toga! Toga!”

60-something white woman: They put on a good show. Those Jesuits really know how to party!

–Penn Station

Overheard by: Jeff

Gay man to others, about parties: Yeah, I thought about going to the black party, but I'm not that gay!

–7th Ave & 6th St

Overheard by: NottRob

Young woman: I'm twenty-seven. I've never been to a party, a sexy party, where I don't remember who I've slept with.

–21st St & Lexington

Overheard by: Jonas

Chick on cell: I can't. It's my cousin's chihuahua's birthday party.

–28th St & Lexington

Overheard by: sounds like a rager

Posted on October 18, 2015
Age/Aging, All Wednesday One-Liners, Birthdays, Celebrations/Parties, Christianity, Compare/Contrast, Gays and Lesbians, Girls, Man's Best Friend, Murray Hill and Gramercy, On Cell, One-liners, Orgy, Penn Station, Promiscuity, Queer guys, Sexuality, The Village, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, White People, Women

The Nucular Option Was in the Pre-Nup

Blonde model: I can’t believe she wants President Bush at her wedding!
Brunette model: I know. What if he says “nuc-u-lar” or something!?
Blonde model: Why would he say “nuc-u-lar” at a wedding?
Brunette model: Helloooo? Because he’s the President!
Blonde model: True…

–67th & Madison

Posted on September 30, 2015
Celebrations/Parties, Idiots, Models, President, Stupidity, Talking/Convos, Upper East Side, Words

Just a Different Sort Of All-Girl Event

Pretty young woman #1: So, what's everyone doing for the dyke march tomorrow?
Pretty young woman #2: I'm going to Long Island for a baby shower.

–F Train

Posted on August 5, 2015
Celebrations/Parties, Gays and Lesbians, On the Subway, Questions, Women

Celebrations/Parties