Nipples

Wednesday's One-Liners Are Standing at Attention

Thug: Yo, man! What color are my nipples? What color are my nipples?!

–LaGuardia High School

Teen to friend: Calm yo black nipples! Calm yo black nipples!

–Union Square

Overheard by: hairy pink nipples

Girl to friends: The idea of some machine sucking on my nipples just terrifies me!

–Bathroom, NYU

Overheard by: Trying to pee in peace

Random girl: Yeah, I have like four nipples.

–Staten Island Ferry

Overheard by: Nameless

Tall beautiful 30-year-old curvaceous brunette in stockings and pumps on cell: I was like: "you're preaching about non-violence and you're touching my nipple!"

–Bleecker St

Overheard by: Janusz

How Was I Supposed to Know She Was a Mannequin?

Bro #1: I mean, you can't turn that down.
Bro #2: Right, you can't turn that down! I mean, she had boobs!

–University Place & North Washington Square

Overheard by: Anna P.

“Bitch, You Awake?” Being the Second.

Boyfriend: Love you.
Girlfriend: Love you too.
Boyfriend: Love your rack too.
Girlfriend: That's the sweetest thing you've ever said to me.

–82nd & 1st

Overheard by: Cocomo

Headline by: Ross

Runners-Up:
· “How the Hat-Check Girl Was Won Over…” – Earthborn
· “Low Expectations Can Be Surprisingly Rewarding…” – Sphaeron
· “Pipe Down, I Didn’t Say I Loved Your Mouth” – Daniel Patterson
· “That’s the Same Thing Your Sister Said!” – cafn8ed
· “The Deepest Conversation Jessica Simpson and Tony Romo Have Ever Had” – rudegrl

Click here to see the new Headline Contest

The Hokey Pokey Is Very Popular in New York

Boy in hat: You gotta remember, you have to squeeze the left nipple.
Girl: Ohhhhh. Of course.

–Bedford & 3rd

Overheard by: Ashley

What Men Think Women Talk About All Day

Girl: I really like your Uggs.
Other girl: I like my jugs too.

–Forever 21, Outside Penn Station

Overheard by: i like them too

Aw Sweetie, Someday You'll Meet a Man Who'll Love You for Your Rib Cage

Chubby 20-something girl in skintight tracksuit: It is so effing cold out here! I'm freezing my tits off!
Rail thin friend: Really? I'm not.
Chubby girl: That's because you don't have any tits, idiot!
Rail thin friend, quietly: Oh…yeah…

–Central Park

Overheard by: I was freezing my tits off too

Wednesday One-Liners' Cups Runneth Over

Thug on phone: Yo, man, you know that bitch I rent my room from? Those titties are triple F or some shit, man! (pause) How do I know that? Cause I looked through her drawers, that's how! (pause) Cause whenever I talk to that bitch, those things are in my face! I had to find out!

–17th St & 5th Ave

Overheard by: redshikari

Dude: I have barometric boobies!

–Jujutsu Class, 13th & 7th

Overheard by: Ladle

Dude to friend: Dude, sometimes you just have to say no to boobs.

–St. Mark's Chipotle

College student: Those tits in that shirt look awful… I wanna see cleavage, not leverage.

–Columbia University

Suit on cell: You should get paid more because of how big your boobs are!

–74th & 3rd

Overheard by: Joanna L.

Shield Them from Harm; Deploy Them Only in Emergencies

Little girl to mother: Puberty means the period, right?
Mother to little girl: Yes, and the breasts. Don’t forget about the breasts.

–47th & Lexington

Overheard by: Simun

Ever Try to Milk a Raging Bull?

Hipster #1: Why don’t they make cat cheese? You can milk anything with nipples.
Hipster #2: Why don’t they make Robert De Niro cheese?

–Franklin Avenue Shuttle

Thwarted by Pants Again

Girl #1: I’m so glad I can say I saw Lea Michele’s boob now.
Girl #2: I just wanted to see that guy’s dick though. It was so close…

–Eugene O’Neil Theater

Headline by: ToddS

Runners-Up:
· “…I Could Taste It” – Ian
· “And All He Needs Is Another $10,000 to Finish the Operation” – davey j
· “And Then I Dropped the Magnifying Glass” – Fred
· “Close Encounters Of the Third Eye” – Erin
· “If His Pants Were Any Tighter, I Could Have Told You the Name Of His Rabbi.” – Fia

Click here to see the new Headline Contest

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