Threats

Fire truck loudspeaker to tourists blocking entrance: Please clear the area unless you want to end up as roadkill.

–WTC Site, Liberty Street

Man on cell: Yeah man, she is so not anyone that I would be willing to invest years in… I mean I don't want to have to spend my time actually working on it. I figured, hell, I kind of want to wake up next to someone a couple of days a week, so I might as well hang on through the summer. No, she has no idea…

–Columbus & 62nd St

Grad student: They have this symbiotic relationship in which he does all the eating and she does all the drinking.

–Columbia University

Woman to herself: God, I asked you for a good man; not a fucking joke!

–Spring & Hudson

Overheard by: Oscar Gamble

Firefighter to others: It's not that I have anything against commitment; I just like diversity.

–125th St Fairway

Overheard by: Just Shoppint

Man in shorts to another: I wouldn't date a girl with double vision, period.

–Williamsburg

Overheard by: Dr No-Eyes

Businesswoman to hobo: If you get back in the dating scene, I'll kill you.

–Houston & Lafayette

Overheard by: Homeless guy must be hung

Older gay guy on cell: In the 60s, you didn't need to have passion or talent to be an artist; you just needed to have a van, because no one else was going to haul your shitty art around.

–7th Ave & 14th St

Overheard by: Miss C

Girl reading sign at Frank Lloyd Wright museum: Oh… He was an architect!

–Guggenheim Museum

Overheard by: Antartic

Mom to little girl: If you look at too much art in one day, you'll turn into a statue.

–MoMA

Guy on phone: Yeah, she said she didn't think I would want to go, but why the fuck not? I'll go to a fucking museum if I fucking want to. I'll look at some paintings and shit.

–Downtown Brooklyn

Overheard by: Mark McLaughlin

12-year-old boy, looking at Picasso paintings: This is totally my thing, man, it's like free porn.

–MoMA

Four-year-old #1: Ice cream makes your head fall off.
Four-year-old #2: No, it doesn’t.
Four-year-old #1: It was just an expression, asshole.
Four-year-old #2, to his dog: Don’t let him pet you.

–Central Park

Overheard by: amused tourist

Three-year-old boy, to dad: I'mma deck you in the balls!
Dad: I'ma deck you back!
Three-year-old boy: Well, it won't hurt!

–125th St & Lexington

Overheard by: Joyful

Hispanic dude, about large Pitbull: Yo, this nigga is the one! I'ma take this nigga home with me!
Girlfriend, about adjacent dog: I like this one!
Hispanic dude: Bitch, fuck you! I'ma take the dog and leave you here! Put you in the dog cage, take this nigga home!

–Animal Care and Control, Adoptable Dog Ward

Overheard by: Vicksburg

Queer: I am not paying for the appetizer, because it came out at the same time as our entree and it should have come out before.
Ghetto waitress: You have to pay for it, because I brought it out.
Queer: Well, when you don’t get money for it don’t be alarmed!
Ghetto waitress: You’re lucky you even got your food!

–Diner, 51st & 9th

Overheard by: Rich

Woman: You need to swim as much as possible to keep the evil away.

–Riverbank State Park

Guy: Don’t they have a special section for people in jail?

–Hallmark, 23rd Street

Overheard by: nj

Grandfather: If you don’t listen, I’m never taking you anyplace else dangerous again.

–Belvedere Castle

Guy: Yeah, I had to put my foot down. I decided it’s not okay for my kids to play with firearms anymore.

–4 train

Suit on cell: Blood is very, very chic.

–85th & Lexington

Overheard by: Harri

Guy on cell: How should I know who’s going to be there?…Why do you care who’s going to be there? It’s a funeral, not a fucking social event.

–Union Square

Overheard by: Ciaran

Woman on cell: Dude, I have a shagadelic aura, because they fucked all night when they were here. That’s why I sold them.

–Coney Island

Overheard by: Selenay

Suit: Man, I was upstate last week, fuck that clean air shit.

–62nd & Columbus

Overheard by: Tabitha

Guy: We’re all Cannabis. We get the chance, we’ll eat each other.

–Kudo Beans, 1st Avenue

Queer: Oh, I forgot to fucking tell you. I sold my soul for $150.

–Christopher Street

(drunk group of 20-somethings stumble out of a bar onto the street)
Unstable random lady: Alcoholic! You need to go to Alcoholics Anonymous!
Drunk guy: Dude, just mind your own business.
Unstable random lady: Don't call me dude! I'll call the cops on you!

–W 3rd & Thompson

Strange guy: Excuse me, NYU students?
Guy #1: Yeah?
Strange guy: I’m your biggest rival.
Guy #1: Huh?
Strange guy: Columbia. Law school. I’m coming for you.
Guy #1: Okay…
Strange guy: Employer sees résumé from NYU, résumé from Columbia, always picks Columbia.
Guy #1: Okay. Have a nice day.
Strange guy: I’m coming for you, trust fund baby.
Guy #2: I’m sure that Columbia résumé makes up for not having a penis…
Guy #1: Trust fund baby?
Strange guy: Columbia. [Flicks them off and leaves.]

–Starbucks, Astor Pl & Lafayette

Overheard by: NYU Student