Threats

Guy on cell: Well, right now my brother and my girlfriend share a bedroom.

–Washington Square North

Overheard by: Daniel

Young nanny to six-year-old girl, crossing the street: What do you care about more, your brother or your scooter?

–76th St & Central Park West

Overheard by: Sonny

Daughter to obnoxious mom: Just because you are a member of my family doesn't mean I won't backhand you.

–NYU Coles Sports Center

Overheard by: Maria

Man to woman, while crossing street: Look, all I'm saying is there are a lot of men who like your sister even more then they like you–and that's saying a lot!

–6th Ave & 13th St

Overheard by: Wemily

Girl on cell: You keep talking over me–it makes me want to punch you in the uterus.

–Ray's Pizza, 52 & 8th

Overheard by: Jarett

Guy to friend: You keep referring to me as "that guy" and we'll see how long you stay conscious.

–33rd & 7th

Nervous man seated against the wall: I don't like this seat. I don't like sitting here. I like to sit on the aisle. What if there's a fight? I don't want to be trapped in a place with a fight.

–Off-Broadway Theatre

Overheard by: Hannah

Ghetto chick: Can't you get somebody else to fuck him up? Why you gotta do it?

–W Train

Overheard by: sara n.

Man: He was trying to turn his alcoholism into a positive thing instead of attacking the guy who raped his sister.

–The Strand Bookstore

Overheard by: Slightly confused, yet intrigued…

Girl on cell: Remember that time you got into a fight with an inch worm?

–Chambers St

Overheard by: Shooty

Snooty female 30-something to friend: Pap-smears are, to me, the new fake eyelashes.

–Upper East Side

Overheard by: ianbobian

Aggressive New Yorker: So he pulls out his fucking fake-ass parking pass, and I pull out my gun. And I'm like "you still wanna park here, asshole? Go ahead!"

–60th St & Broadway

Screaming drunk girl to slightly sober guy: If you're going to be fake to me, at least be fake to my face!

–LIRR

Overheard by: Really!?!?

Girl on cell: Okay, call me when you're done entertaining the fake Jews.

–Cafe, Church & Walker

Loud woman: No, it was a fake. I'd have to like, sleep with him to get the real one, you know?

–Hester & Mott

Overheard by: Jensel

Businesswoman #1: So I had to go in this little booth, and it has these tiny holes that shoot air at you! And I was like “What on earth is this for?” and the security guy said “Oh, it’s so we can get a sense of your aura.” I mean really, they don’t let you get on a plane if your aura is bad?
Businesswoman #2: Wow, I guess so. Airport security is getting really tight these days.
Businesswoman #1: Seriously.

–50th & 7th

Overheard by: Arielle

Girl on cell: So I told her I didn’t think George Washington was a cannibal.

–Barnes & Noble, Staten Island

Overheard by: Marina Tricorico

Asian girl to friend: You know, if he really likes you, he’d eat you.

–Coles Sports Center

Overheard by: Alice Huang

Hysterical woman screaming at cops: She bit me! I did not touch her!

–84th & Broadway

Overheard by: rachel

Dude: Remember that crazy condo lady? She totally ate my ass on the first date.

–Chelsea

20-something guy on cell: have you ever tasted pee before?! Word?!

–Spring & W Broadway

Three-year-old girl: Daddy, I’m eating your eyeballs!

–R Train

Overheard by: Jon A.

Mom: Honey, you better behave while you stay at Daddy’s house this weekend.
Five-year-old boy: If he doesn’t buy me a new toy, I’m going to slice his sausage open!

–Canal St

Overheard by: Ashley

Old Jewish lady to moron who parked in the walkway: Move your vehicle! Citizen’s arrest! Get the fuck out of my way!

–Brooklyn

Cop over squad car loudspeaker, to a cab driver: You’ve got to be kidding! Pull over your car now.

–74th St & Park Ave

Guy on cell: Driving? No, we shouldn’t take cars. Because people are gonna be drinkin’ and poppin’ pills and I want everyone to be safe!

–Union Square

Overheard by: rpk

Professor: So how many of you drive pick-up trucks?… Oh wait we’re in New York City, don’t see many pick-up trucks here… And why is that? Well of course it’s because you’d park your car one night and the next morning a small family of three will have a tent pitched in the back. Now there’s an awkward conversation… "Uhm excuse me, good morning but I kiiiind of need to drive to work so if you could unpitch the tent… That’d be excellent."

–St. John’s University, Queens

NYU girl on cell: No! I told you I wanted four doors! OK, love you, bye. (hangs up phone) Seriously, I told my dad I have too many friends for a two door, but that’s all he’s looking at! It’s like he’s not even buying the car for me. He’s so selfish!

–Classroom, NYU

Overheard by: Angie

Older woman on line at the Guggenheim to young British male who has been talking with a friend: "I programmed my car to sound just like you!"

–89th St & 5th Ave

Street preacher: Oh, you poor ladies. You are on your way to Hell. Stop holding each other like that! Don’t you know that lesbianism is a sin?
Girl: Dude, that’s my mom!

–Jay St

Mother to screaming toddler: Stop it. This is not your day. This is my day. Don't ruin it.

–Gourmet Garage

Southern woman to son: The WWE pose, just like we practiced in the backyard now.

–NBC Studios

Overheard by: Tracy

Mother yelling at three little well-dressed girls: Do not open that bottle of glitter! Do not! If you know glitter… (holding her arms out making a rainbow sort of gesture) Shit flies!

–Central Park

Overheard by: chellie

Very young mother to four-year-old son: Stop that! If you don't start behavin' I'm gonna send you in for the new model!

–R Train

Overheard by: Kait

Ghetto mom to young son running his hand along outside window while walking: Don't do that! You gonna get germs! Yo' hand gonna fall off!

–45th b/w 3rd & Lexington

Overheard by: Lili Von Shtupp

Very serious mother: Well, Megatron could beat Optimus because he's stronger. But Optimus is smarter, so he can outsmart Megatron.

–East Village

Mom holding little boy's hand: Forget everything you've seen today.

–Mermaid Parade, Coney Island Boardwalk

Overheard by: Not forgetting ANYTHING we saw today

Young girl: I want to sit over there! (points to occupied seat)
Pregnant mother: Girl, if I wasn't holding a baby in, I'll piss all over you.

–E Train

Overheard by: was sitting next to her…