Internet

Lawyer #1: I saw this funny video on YouTube last night. I did a search for “retards” and there was this one called “retarded Britney Spears fan.” It was a retard singing one of her songs.
Lawyer #2: Have you seen 2 Girls 1 Cup?
Lawyer #1: I was able to watch about two seconds of it before I had to click it off.
Lawyer #2: Did you see the one called “extreme pain”? I could only watch about five seconds of it. A guy was cutting off his own dick.
Lawyer #1: That's some sick shit. How's your cat?
Lawyer #2: You should see her. She rolls over on her back and my dog licks her between the legs for a long time, then smacks his lips.
Lawyer #1: You should video that and put it on YouTube. Call it “eating pussy.” You'll get a million hits!

–Civil Court, 141 Livingston St., Brooklyn

Overheard by: Big Larry

Hipster girl to another: Yeah, everyone has a crush on him, but he’s got halitosis. And a concave chest!

–MoMA

Hipster chick to friend: Whoa. I just felt totally suffocated by capitalist society.

–NYU

Hipster in rainbow moonboots: So I say to this girl as I’m roofie-ing her juice box…

–Union Square

Overheard by: eliza

Hipster chick on cell: Hello? Hey! Guess what? I found my underwear!

–1st Ave

Overheard by: Aria Grillo

Hipster: I mean, you can’t just rock a sombrero and think that it’s cool.

–6th & 10th

Overheard by: El

Hipster chick to tourist friends: … And across the street is where Albert Greenberg lived for a while.

–E 2nd St, across street from Allen Ginsberg’s former walkup

Overheard by: midtown_strangler

Hipster chick: I wanna create a website: Nine-Eleven — get over it.

–4 train

Overheard by: Hurtz donit

NYU dude #1: What sources did you use for the final?
NYU dude #2: Urbandictionary.com.
NYU dude #1: Awesome.

–Washington Square South

Overheard by: Lezbotron

Drunk girl with tinsel in her hair: Alright, so why is in my history that it says "thehugestcock.com"?

–Starbucks, Sheridan Square

Drunk guy: The Amazins? Fuck them! The only amazin' thing about them is they never fucking win…

–Downtown 6 Train

Drunk man at 1:30 am: Vagina bar!

–49th St, Astoria

Drunk girlfriend to even drunker boyfriend: Ohmigod! I have to get up in five hours and teach!

–116th St

Girl #1: So, we have a bet — if I have sex first, then I have to wear a shirt that she’s written all over, but if she– [looks around].
Girl #2: If she what?
Girl #1: … I’ll tell you later. I feel like people are listening, and I don’t want to end up on some website.

–Starbucks, 51st & Broadway

Frustrated stylist on computer: How do you spell "Google"?

–Dramatics Hair Salon

Hot Asian woman: She hasn't even posted her face on Facebook!

–88th & 2nd

Overheard by: Sam H.

Teen to friend: My mom still hasn't Facebooked me back about taking care of my dog.

–Bedford Ave

Overheard by: kayt

Sorority girl: Like…oh my god. We should write about ourselves on Juicy Campus and see what other people say.

–Classroom, NYU

Overheard by: Angela

Middle-aged janitor: You've got to try that internet! It has everything!

–MoMA

Overheard by: Cristina

Young woman on elevator to friend: I have a date this Thursday with a guy I met on match.com, and I was so excited, but then I remembered Thursday is Grey's Anatomy! I mean, I'm DVRing it, but that's so not the same.

–Wall St.

Overheard by: krazyhippie

Large 40-something woman: But I'm not gonna be on Maury sayin', "I'm 100% sure!" Because I'm not!

–10th St & FDR

20-something woman on cell: It's white, sleeveless…well, you don't watch Gossip Girl but it's totally Blair-worthy.

–W 19th & 5th Ave

Appalled girl to friend: So, I guess he just couldn't hold it in and needed to share with everyone around him, so he just shouted out "Fuck! I miss Gossip Girl!"

–Mercer & W 3rd

Saucy Latina: Telemundo makes BET look like The History Channel.

–171st St & Broadway

Overheard by: The Low Hat

Guy to friend: My girlfriend is cool if you and your boys are…she loves the BBC when she's high.

–PATH Station

Overheard by: smjcnj

30-something woman on cell: Remember season one of The Hills? What a simpler time.

–Columbia University

Overheard by: The Evil Triangle

Geeky boy: I think I’m having trouble meeting people online because my MySpace page is so intimidating.
Goth girls: [Silence.]

–Eileen’s Cheesecake

Girl: Hey, why didn’t you Friendster me on MySpace yet?

–46th & 6th

Overheard by: Duncan Pflaster

Girl departing with friend: MySpace-message me when you get your new phone! But I’m sure I’ll see you before then.

–Hunter College

Overheard by: acep

Nerd: So I broke up with her by changing my MySpace status from ‘In a relationship’ to ‘Single.’

–Starbucks, Astor Place

Overheard by: Adrienne

Ghetto boy: Where the fuck has he been? Fuck. I’m going to hunt that nigger down on MySpace.

–Wendy’s, 23rd St

Guido in car full of guidos, taking girl’s picture with cell: Hey, girl! Didn’t I see you on MySpace last night?

–Hughes Ave & Fordham Rd

Overheard by: Greg

Skinny girl on cell: What? I’m sorry! Listen, you asked! That’s what happens when you bend over and you aren’t wearing underwear: your pussy definitely ends up on MySpace.

–65th & Lex

Put away your skewer jokes — we’ve posted a new contest! Click here to read the entry and submit your headline. The winner of Monday’s contest will be posted this coming Monday.

Winners of this and future contests will get a copy of the book Overheard in New York, signed by Morgan Friedman (until we run out).

Hipster girl: I want to like have a housewarming, but, like, I'm concerned about the walkup. Cause there's like smokers coming.
Little friend: How many flights?
Hipster girl: Six.
Little friend : Six stories?! Well, you warn them over e-mail, and then they can decide if they can make it.

–5 Line