Guy: So wait…what's your major?
Girl to group of friends: Booty poppin' bitches.
–Hunter College
Guy: So wait…what's your major?
Girl to group of friends: Booty poppin' bitches.
–Hunter College
Scruffy man to scruffy friend: … And then I stuck my thumb up her ass for some grip. Like a bowling ball!
–34th & 6th
Overheard by: Jared
Male student to two friends: No, they literally put it in your ass!
–51st & Broadway
Overheard by: tin steve
Bilingual hipster skank on cell: … So I was like, ‘I don’t care if it is my shit — you were the one who wanted to order the flan and you were the one who wanted to put it up where it doesn’t belong! Exit only! Flan exit only! No entrada por nada!’ … No, we just slept on the floor and left it all for housekeeping…
–Lobby of W Hotel, Union Square
Train announcer: In the rear, if it won’t fit, don’t force it.
–2 train, 72nd St
Overheard by: Brett
Gay man in kitchen: There’s absolutely nothing gay about me other than the cooking and the cleaning, and the taking it up the ass.
–207th St, Woodlawn, Bronx
Thug: Baby… C’mon… Take that thing out of your butt and we’ll talk when I get back.
–Hoboken PATH Station
Overheard by: Seph
Guido: You take it in the ass! You’re a 24-hour ass-taker-inner!
–Prospect Park
Overheard by: Patrick Di Justo
Little kid: Hey, mom, look! You can see the moon!
Ghetto mom: Shut up! You can't see no moon when the sun out. Sit down 'fore I bust yo little ass!
Little kid: But I can see the moon!
Nice older lady to kid: You're right, honey. You can see the moon when the sun is out. The moon is bright because of the sun.
Kid to mom: See, I told you I could see the moon?
Ghetto mom: That bitch lyin'!
–A Train
Overheard by: innocent mta customer
Suit, tapping singing girl on the shoulder: You sing wonderfully.
Girl: Thank you very much.
Suit: Yeah, by “wonderfully” I mean it sounds like a cat getting ass raped by a donkey. So I am sure that everyone else would appreciate you not doing that anymore as it is only 6 am.
(passengers clap)
–Staten Island Ferry Terminal
Large black woman sitting down on park bench: Oooh, my booty itchy!
Large black woman friend, sitting down with her: Ha ha! You talkin' bout “my booty itchy!”
–Avenue of the Americas & Canal
Girl to teenage posse: Either the pen was really weak or his butt was really strong.
–Jackson Heights, Queens
Overheard by: Newsbunny doesn't want to know
Crazy guy to self, after average woman walks by: Damn, that was a fine ass, a fine ass, that ass was so fine I'd eat a sandwich out that ass!
–36th & Broadway
Overheard by: Dingleberry
Large grown woman to grown man: I thought you have all sorts of butt magazines…
–34th & 8th
Guy to girl: I like it when you wear jeans, girl! It's like your ass is gift wrapped!
–33rd & 7th
Older woman to younger woman: If your booty deserves the credit, give it the credit!
–Central Park
Overheard by: Hell Yeah Give it the Credit!
Party girl: Did you see Mark last night? I mean, he was doing coke off a hooker's ass.
Party queer, pouting: I so did that last week, and no one even said anything…
–Third North Courtyard, NYU
Overheard by: this is why I don't want anyone to know I go to NYU
Guy on cell: Wow! That's a lot of cookies. If I had that many cookies, I'd put a couple of them in my ass. (pause). It doesn't matter, I've got the space. I can't eat that many cookies.
–23rd & Lexington
Teen girl to teen boy: Unless you want a 9 millimeter stuck up your asshole.
–Grand Central Terminal
Girl on cell: Well, it's still rectal.
–Columbia University
Overheard by: Ladle
20-something girl to 20-something guy, quite loudly: Yeah, but putting a metal spike up his ass wasn't exactly what I had in mind!
–28th St & 5th Ave
Overheard by: Jar Aaron
20-something woman: Baby, I think we're going to keep the Thanksgiving dinner out of my asshole.
–Herkimer St., Brooklyn
Overheard by: M. Fresh
Hipster girl #1: Yeah, but it was okay because my anal beads, as usual, did the job.
Hipster girl #2: Really? Because they just haven't been working for me lately.
–Union Square
300-pound girl on phone: Girl, you showed your whole booty crack? I know, he's into that kinky downtown shit.
–14th St & 6th Ave
Overheard by: bastardo
Loud upstate girl: I think…doin' any kinda research inta furries? You're in trouble.
–Hudson & Houston
Overheard by: Harriet Vane
Hoochie: I mean, you gonna handcuff me, then handcuff me. But, you know, when I gotta go do my shit, I gotta go.
–1st St & 1st Ave
Overheard by: stephie
Curly-haired girl on cell: I've totally got a cold too! But I've also got bondage tape. And a cell phone activated vibrator.
–Ouidad salon
Overheard by: Wild Dog Boy
Suit to another, while having lunch on bench: You put duct tape on her mouth and you do it from behind.
–Central Park
Guy at table: You know, she's a quality girl, even when I was in handcuffs, I could tell that she was a quality girl.
–Carnegie Deli
Overheard by: Spazz
