Hobo: Excuse me miss, but may I have some pussy?
Woman: Excuse me?
Hobo: Can I have some pussy?
Woman: I don’t know, I suggest that you call your mother.
–Thompson & Spring
Hobo: Excuse me miss, but may I have some pussy?
Woman: Excuse me?
Hobo: Can I have some pussy?
Woman: I don’t know, I suggest that you call your mother.
–Thompson & Spring
Waitress: Sorry sir, your order did not come out as you expected. The cooks don’t speak English so they didn’t understand what you wanted.
–ESPNZone, Times Square
Overheard by: Rachel W
Spanish girl: When I got my tongue pierced it wasn’t swollen at all. They was tellin’ me to eat soup and shit. Fuck that! I was eatin’ rice and beans like five times a day! I am not gonna starve myself for no piercing. Fuck that! Gimme a T-bone.
–M train
A hobo walks up to the people outside and says: Did you hear about the restaurant on the moon? It has no atmosphere.
–Indochine, Lafayette Street
Drunk guy: So I eat the Baklava, then I go into the bathroom to take care of my business. When I come out I say, “What’s the problem?”.
–47th & 9th
Overheard by: JH
Woman: Can you please make sure it’s a boy lobster? I’m only into boys, and don’t want to eat a girl.
–Austin ale house, Kew Gardens
Overheard by: tom
Pudgy guy on cell: I used to pay for dinner for three. But now I don’t pay for anyone, I just have Apple Jacks at home.
–Williamsburg
Overheard by: Alita
Hobo: Help me! I have 9 starving kids at home!
Suit: Yesterday you had 12 starving kids, what happened?
Hobo: That’s right and the 2 of them died in a horrible fire yesterday! Please help me!
Suit: What happened to the 12th?
Hobo: Man, get the fuck outta here, you’re fucking up my rap!
–57th Street station
Hobo: Does anyone have some food? I’m so hungry, please!
Guy: I think I have an apple in my bag.
Hobo: I got no teeth! I got no teeth! I don’t want your apple!
Guy: How the hell do you expect to get any food without teeth?
–2/3 train
Queer: As my grandmother used to say, you’ve got one fuckable ass.
–Marie’s Crisis, Grove Street
Overheard by: catherine
Hobo: How you doin’? How you doin’? I’m doin’ good. Yeah, you know I’m doin’ good, cause I’m lookin’ good! And you know why I look good? ’cause I clean mah ass!
–1 train
Overheard by: Alex Valentine
NYU chick: All this work is going to fuck me in the ass so much my boyfriend won’t be able to.
–Silver Building, Waverly Place
Chick: I can’t believe how much he charged me for this disposable camera. I was like, “Why don’t you fuck me up the ass while you’re at it?”
–55th & 3rd
Overheard by: Rich Mintz
Black guy: Damn, it smells like open ass around here.
–Canal & Broadway
Overheard by: Daniel
Hipster: I have so many friends in their 20s who are still virgins! Is “virgin” the new pink?
–6 train
Hobo: Listen up! I’m not here to beg or ask for money. I’m here to tell you that a flashlight like this one could save your life. There are no promises! Be prepared! Always carry a flashlight and water!
–6 train
Girlfriend: …and no more talking about economics when you are inside of me…
–6 train
Overheard by: A
Drunk hobo: Excuse me, sir, do you have Michael Jackson’s phone number?
–Central Park
Overheard by: alec
Girl on cell: Like, how many miles are in a square mile?
–Central Park
Overheard by: Glynnis
Guy on cell: No. You don’t understand. These girls are hungry. Tofu is not going to fucking do it.
–Washington Square Park
Overheard by: Hambone Bootblack
Jogger lady: Oh, great, it’s raining. Thanks a lot, God.
–Central Park
Overheard by: mj
Man: That guy’s got a chicken. He’s gonna burn it! Hey man, don’t hurt the animals! He’s gonna burn the chicken!
–Tompkins Square Park
Overheard by: Alex Romanovich
Hoboette: I bet a lot of men try and make out with you.
Guy: Excuse me?
Hoboette: I bet a lot of men try and make out with you. You’ve never had that happen? Every time I see an attractive, well-groomed man, he is gay. So you are saying you aren’t gay?
Guy: Nope.
Hoboette: Keep up the good stuff. Too bad I wasn’t younger.
–52nd & 10th
Drunk White hobo: Aw man, fucka that shit.
Hispanic deli chef: Man, you don’t have to say that to me. I am your brother.
Drunk White hobo: You’re right, brother…I am sorry, my brother.
–34th street deli between 8th & 9th
Black dude #1: Shut up, nigga.
Black dude #2: What the fuck. Don’t call me nigga. I’m Puerto Rican. Call me a spic.
Black dude #3: Stop using that offensive language! No wonder everyone on this train is staring at us. We are all God’s children. We all bleed the same. Aren’t we all god’s children?
White woman: Pardon?
Black dude #3: Aren’t we all god’s children?
White woman: Well, yes.
Black dude #3: You see!
–1 train
A white guy in a suit hangs from the center bar upside-down on a crowded train for about five stops.
Hobo: And you all think I’m crazy.
–6 train
Overheard by: paulybrklynny
