Woman #1: I’m talking about beggars who ask for money, say they have AIDS, and will spit on you.
Woman #2: That’s not really begging anymore, now is it?
Woman #1: No…that’s called Free Enterprise.
–70th & 2nd
Overheard by: nita
Woman #1: I’m talking about beggars who ask for money, say they have AIDS, and will spit on you.
Woman #2: That’s not really begging anymore, now is it?
Woman #1: No…that’s called Free Enterprise.
–70th & 2nd
Overheard by: nita
Freestyling hobo: Sex on TV will never stop. My big dick in a lollipop.
Bonus: The blueblood ladies walking by gasped.
–40th & 2nd
Hobo: I’m homeless! I’m battling child abuse! The Jews and the Irish are spreading lies about me!
–14th Street between 5th & Union Square
Overheard by: a Jewish-Irish girl
Hobo: Nice chickie, hot, another one, good, love them, there’s a good one. No, wait: that’s a guy.
–29th & Madison
Bald hobo: If I was tall they’d braid my hair! But no, I’m short, so they won’t braid my hair!
–Grand Central
Overheard by: Jeremy
Hobo: I’m technologically impaired. Spare a cell phone? An iPod?
–St. Mark’s & 1st Ave
Overheard by: Rose Yndigoyen
A hobo is sitting on a bench next to a woman.
Hobo: Don’t touch my butt, lady. I’m a virgin.
Woman: Oh, please.
Hobo: Get over it.
–Central Park
Hobo #1: I ain’t kidding. It was the size of a personal pizza!
Hobo #2: Child, please. Ain’t no fuckin’ way.
–Washington Square Park
Chick: I don’t get Spanish guys. They compliment you every time you pass them. They always say things like, “You have beautiful legs, in my country it is an honor for a woman to be told she has beautiful legs”. Well, you’re in NY now, honey, and I’m a bitch!
–5th Ave. & 82nd St.
Player: Excuse me miss, you’re even better looking than J. Lo. Can I have your autograph?
–Fulton Street mall
Hobo: Hey, you a pretty lady. You married?…I got food stamps!
–Astoria
Overheard by: mj
Hobo: Please man, can I have 25 cents? It’s to eat, ya know…
Man: Here you go. But if I was you, I’d eat something else.
–Hylan Boulevard, Staten Island
Overheard by: Helniev
Hobo: Stop making the fucking announcements twice, you cocksuckers. Fucking close the doors, don’t just keep them opening and shutting again! You muthafuckas! I need to fucking get home! I need to fucking feed my fish, yo! Fish need to eat too! Now have you seen those pigeons around the city? They carry mad disease…Where are you from, muthafucka? Pennsylvania? Oh, you must be a smart son of a bitch! Oh fuck! Close the doors you muthafucka! I need to feed my fish! Suck my balls!
The doors finally close.
Hobo: It’s about fucking time! We’re riding slower than if I was on a turtle’s back! And local stops too! My fucking fish are gonna fucking die! I should just make a goddamn goldfish sandwich with mayonnaise!
A Black guy comes through the car doors from the car behind and observes the hobo.
Black guy: Oh damn. Two wackos on one train? That’s too much.
Hobo: Close the door, please…cocksucker…Por. Favor.
–E train
Overheard by: Megan Cowles
Hobo: …but don’t worry; us Republicans know what you’re up to!
–Sullivan & W. 3rd
Woman on cell: Uh huh…yeah…right…uh huh…uh huh…the one you thought was underwear…uh huh…right…
–Lincoln Center
Girl on cell: I am so not dressed for a strip club!
–Times Square
Hobo #1: Check this out.
He spits something across the car.
Hobo #2: What was that?
Hobo #1: Tooth.
Hobo #2: Nice, nice.
–F train
A junkie hobo walks directly into the store’s window, almost breaking his nose. Seeing this, his homeless buddy responds, rather outraged: Again?!
–Dunkin Donuts, 23rd St. between Broadway & Park
Overheard by: Astrid Vanderpool
