Father: So what kind of doctor is that?
Five children (chorus): Plastic surgeon!
Father: That's right. A plastic surgeon fixes people's faces when people are on fire.
–Pike & Division
Overheard by: Jena
Father: So what kind of doctor is that?
Five children (chorus): Plastic surgeon!
Father: That's right. A plastic surgeon fixes people's faces when people are on fire.
–Pike & Division
Overheard by: Jena
Ingenue: She looks good for her age.
Jaded older woman: Botox and lifts.
Ingenue: At least her hair is natural.
Jaded older woman: You kidding? She dyes every week.
Ingenue: Her teeth.
Jaded older woman: Please.
Ingenue: Why do I feel guilty just talking to you?
–Front & Wall Streets
Overheard by: Feeling Guilty for Just Listening
Lady suit: What are you gonna do about it? What are you going to do about the post-modernism on my forehead?
–Starbucks, The Villiage
Girl on cell: No, no… I don’t think you understand — my hips are two different sizes! You don’t know what this is going to do to my self-esteem.
–Columbia University
Overheard by: i should have gone to harvard
Chick on cell: … Yes, it’s coming out of my abdomen…
–Washington Square South
Overheard by: Tyler
Wifey to hubby, looking at statue: They got the knees just right! You know how I’ve been looking at my knees a lot?
–The Met
Overheard by: sweetchuck
Skinny tween boriqua: Yo, I’m gonna take all the fat from my stomach and put it on my ass.
–231st & Broadway
Overheard by: KK
Hot chick: Well, you don’t have arm testicles.
–East Houston St, near BHSEC
MTA lady to another: She got a lot o’ heart for a pussy!
–4/5/6 train underpass, 59th St
Woman on cell: Well, we have a large problem — his thing is very small…
–Outside Papaya Dog, W 4th
Overheard by: notrob
Professor: So, you have all seen large penises and small penises, but you never see a fatty penis! [Class laughs.] Is that a ‘Yes, that is true’ laugh, or what?
–Columbia University Med Center
Female theater-goer: His penis would have been normal-sized if he was five-foot-six. As it was, everything was out of proportion.
–Golden Theater
Overheard by: Colleen
Drunk man with imaginary cup: Excuse me, sorry for doing this — I’m not shy, I just have a small penis, and I’d really appreciate some money for a penis enlargement surgery. And if not money, then a sandwich. A BLT or a larger cock. Thank you. I just want a larger cock.
–2 train
Overheard by: Man with the big penis
Girl: I heard on CNN today that this woman in France just received the first successful face transplant after she was mauled by her Labrador. They replaced like her whole nose and lips and chin or something.
Guy: Whoa.
Girl: I know!
Guy: I mean, I thought Labradors were, like, really friendly.
–19th & 8th
Overheard by: Lara P
