Wednesday One-liners Are Pastafarians

Man: …and then she’s gon’ ask me, “How was church?” I’m like, get the fuck outta here. How many times have I asked her to go to Goddamn church with me? Every fuckin’ Sunday, I ask that bitch to go to Goddamn church with me. Never! Not once has she come with me, now she wants to ask me, “How was fuckin’ church?”.

–Sephora, 19th & 5th

Overheard by: yassira diggs

Mormon guy: So last time I was here, I was trying to get to Columbia, and I missed my stop and got off in Harlem. And I looked around and thought, “I can’t believe I’m the only white person here!” And sure enough, I was the only white person there. I mean, I was wearing a tie!

–flight into JFK

Woman: Oh boy, you are in trouble girl. Jesus says to come over here right now. Jesus says come over here now!

–Brooklyn Museum

Guy: So I really need your advice. My wife was driving on the LIE, and she had a vision from God telling her to sleep with this other guy, so she did. Well, I finally got her to move back in with me, but now she says I’m full of shit and everything I say is a lie. I really want to work this out with her, you know?

–Penn Station

God Squad guy: I love all y’all in the name of Jesus, ’cause I got Jesus! I’m blessed, you’re stressed. I’m anointed, you’re disappointed!

–4 train

Overheard by: saltylips

God Squad woman: Here come da Jesus, fire from his mouth!

–1st Avenue L station

Overheard by: Adam Nathan

Girl: Jesus there’s like a restaurant every two feet here.

–46th between 8th & 9th

Man: …come to think about it, my grandfather was in charge of the marshmallow burning during Joan of Arc’s burning, so I guess it’s in my heritage!

–45th between 8th & 9th

Overheard by: Alex Venguer

Posted on November 25, 2015
All Wednesday One-Liners, Brooklyn, Christianity, Crazies, Dating, Directions, Girls, Kids, Manhattan, Marriage, Men, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Moms, Multiculturalism, Overheard Style, Murray Hill and Gramercy, On the Subway, Parents, Penn Station, Race, Relationships, Religion, Sex & Relationships, Train Station, White People

Add Some Lazer Tag and It’s Scientology

Guy: So I don’t get it…shouldn’t doctors be the ones who do circumcisions?
Girl: Um…they do.
Guy: Well I thought, you know, those guys in the robes with the altar and the ceremony…Oh wait, that’s baptism.

–Times Square

Posted on November 23, 2015
Body Parts, Christianity, Circumcision, Judaism, Private Parts, Times Square

Wednesday One-Liners: “Toga! Toga! Toga!”

60-something white woman: They put on a good show. Those Jesuits really know how to party!

–Penn Station

Overheard by: Jeff

Gay man to others, about parties: Yeah, I thought about going to the black party, but I'm not that gay!

–7th Ave & 6th St

Overheard by: NottRob

Young woman: I'm twenty-seven. I've never been to a party, a sexy party, where I don't remember who I've slept with.

–21st St & Lexington

Overheard by: Jonas

Chick on cell: I can't. It's my cousin's chihuahua's birthday party.

–28th St & Lexington

Overheard by: sounds like a rager

Posted on October 18, 2015
Age/Aging, All Wednesday One-Liners, Birthdays, Celebrations/Parties, Christianity, Compare/Contrast, Gays and Lesbians, Girls, Man's Best Friend, Murray Hill and Gramercy, On Cell, One-liners, Orgy, Penn Station, Promiscuity, Queer guys, Sexuality, The Village, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, White People, Women

No Comment.

NYU girl #1: What the hell is the professor talking about? We can't use the internet to do research?
NYU girl #2: She doesn't know what she's talking about.
NYU girl #1: I mean, an article in The New York Times is totally an academic resource, even if I look at it on their web page. Does she think The New York Times isn't right?
NYU girl #2: Yeah, fuck her!
NYU girl #1: I also cited the bible in my paper, but that's totally an academic source.

–Waverly Place

Posted on September 21, 2015
Christianity, Education, Gripes, Insults, Internet, News, School and studying, Sorority Girls, The Village

In the Name Of the Father, the Son, and the Wednesday One-Liner

Husband pushing carriage to wife: You're lucky I'm on my way to church right now, or I'd kill you.

–Upper West Side

Chick on cell: But the real question is, is he Catholic? And an insomniac?

–113th & Broadway

Overheard by: Poogins

Sequined Australian drag queen: Well, I know an Antichrist religion when I see it.

–2nd St & 2nd Ave

Overheard by: Alisha

Girl on phone: He told me he was raped by a Catholic priest when he was little, but like I don't believe him.

–Butler Library, Columbia University

Train conductor: 110th Street, Cathedral Parkway. There are churches here, you know.

–1 Train

Man to woman, after getting off cell phone: Ah, that was Nancy–booty call. She says I gotta get over there before she's got to go to church.

–Q Train

Overheard by: spygirl

Posted on July 22, 2015
Age/Aging, All Wednesday One-Liners, Booty Call, Christianity, Church, Columbia (& Barnard), Columbia University, Conductors, Couples, Directions, Drag queens, Girls, Library, Men, Murder, NYC Geography, On Cell, On the Subway, One-liners, Passengers, Questions, Rape, Religion, Street, Threats, Union Square and East Village, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Women

Then They Both Linked Arms and Skipped Off to Eternal Damnation

(group of black teenagers board the train)
Teenage girl: Goddamn, there are a lot of people on this train.
Middle-aged Mexican woman: How dare you? How dare you! I am a Christian and I will not put up with this. Not on my train. You are disrespecting our Lord and every Christian on this train! God sent his beloved son Jesus down to the earth to save our souls, and I will not put up with hearing you speak against him. I am a Christian and… Nah, I’m just fucking with ‘ya.

–E Train

Overheard by: fusoya

Posted on July 20, 2015
Christianity, Compare/Contrast, Default, Girls, Gripes, Jesus, Laughter, Mexicans, On the Subway, Public Transportation, Teens, Women

Wednesday Will Go Nazarene on Your One-Liners

Black woman: Sixteen dollars? That paper better be made out of Jesus's ass.

–Barnes & Noble, Lincoln Center

Overheard by: Emily B.

40-something to friends: And what's going on with the fucking baby Jesus over there?

–Starbucks

Guy on cell: In my class, we were talking about how Jesus was a Viking warrior.

–Queens College

Woman, about Matt Lauer and Katie Couric: See, this is why Jesus Christ and the Pharisees didn't get along.

–22nd St & Park Ave

Overheard by: Rachel Peters

Woman on phone on the night before Easter: No, I do not want you at my house right now. (pause) I'm going home to watch The Ten Commandments and read my bible–Jesus is coming back tomorrow!

–B44 Bus

Overheard by: Micah

Drunk high school girl: If Jesus had discovered a cure for dry mouth, he'd be a lot more popular!

–Union Square

Overheard by: Smudge